all made up with nowhere to go

I started watching a let's play of Clair Obscur (not me wanting to hang out with all the cool kids and experience a game I have no chance of playing, oh no), and as of the time of writing, I just got to Monoco's Station.

This game is very French, and I fucking love it. Even though the LPer is playing with the English dub, which is full of British VAs, and I also love that, the Frenchness pervades everything. And it reminds me how much I have liked French media that I've experienced in the past (and I also came to the realisation, I think, that this is a big part of why I love Pizza Tower - McPig (the main dev) is French-Canadian, but his (art)work is very European feeling*, and I really like that).

( spoilers herein )

Anyway, I think that's all I have to say for now. Maybe there will be more later, I don't know right now!

~

*It's not specifically French, as such, like it doesn't give me ligne claire vibes, but it's definitely something not American feeling, anyway. IMO.

# Parts of town flooded the other day while I was at work, thanks to snow melt and a storm passing over. Thankfully, I was able to make it home okay, but I was worried for a good couple of hours that I wouldn't.

# I finally moved the futon upstairs! \o/ I have swapped it for the wicker chair that was up there and the other rando dining table chair I have (there are two; they do not match). This means there is now more space in the living room and the front bedroom, and I am very happy. All I have to do now is another tip run, and I will be even happier.

# I watched a stationery haul from a website I've never heard of (Journalsay), so of course I had to go and look at it. But I was very good! I didn't actually buy anything! I wanted to, I really did. But I have lots of stickers and stuff, I don't need more! (I do)

So now I think I'm probably going to fall down the journalling video rabbit hole for a while. Possibly.

# And then the other rabbit hole I'm going to get myself in is art dolls. I have wanted to make some for a few years now, but been put off because a lot of the tutorials have specific looks to them. Anyway, tl;dr version is I can make the dolls look however I like, right? That's what makes them mine.

I think also I've been put off because I've tried to make dolls in the past (I have abandoned crocheted ones) and it's not always gone very well. But. I am trying to do the thing of, well, if it doesn't work, I don't have to show anyone!

What kicked this off was seeing one made from scraps of fabric. And oh boy do I have a lot of scraps. So. I'm going to muck about and see where this gets me.

# Finally, I have been thinking about rebooting my ko-fi! I have made next to no effort with it recently and that's frankly quite rubbish! As you probably know, I was very mentally unwell last year while trying to run it, and I know I didn't do a good job, and I think I used starting my job as an excuse to stop updating, even if I didn't realise it at the time.

Well, now I have a handle on my job, and I reckon I could manage monthly updates there at least. And overhaul the shop. I don't know when I will actually do it, possibly in the new year, maybe as late as my birthday. I need to do some research, and relaunching over Xmas seems like a bit of a daft idea. So. Yeah.

# I think that's all I've got for now!

I am on the last day of a week off work! I woke up late every single morning but today, because of course I did.

I actually think I've been a bit ill, as one night I zonked out for ten hours (unheard of, usually), and my lymph glands under my arms were a bit tender on a couple of days. And going out to do a food shop during the week wiped me out for the rest of the day*. I didn't feel ill beyond that though, which is a blessing. I did have a wicked migraine on one day, which bled into a regular headache the following day, so maybe the exhaustion was a precursor of that, IDK.

So I haven't really done a lot while I've been at home, but that's okay. I was already exhausted from work as it is, so I knew I needed to not push myself so much to get stuff done. Also I've got more time off coming up, and I can get things done then, instead.

I have done a bunch of sewing, after a feverish few weeks drawing. I scanned some art the other day, and realised to my horror that I have not scanned anything since APRIL, and therefore have not updated my sketchblog since then. But I haven't really been drawing, and anything else I've made, I haven't really thought is worth sharing. Which is terrible, but true. Also I dunno, sometimes I felt I haven't had the energy, and really I don't know where the last six or so months went.

I have also referred myself for counselling. I don't know if I need it, but it was suggested to me during another medical appointment that it might be a good idea, so I'm going to give it a go!

I also arranged to meet up with my friend Sarah for a natter on Thursday! She said literally years ago that we ought to hang out more, and I've been putting it off ever since, because I didn't want to bother her or I knew she'd be busy outside of work. But I finally did it! There's some stuff I want to talk to her about because, although I've mentioned it to the people I work with, she knows me better than they do, so I expect she might have something different to say about some of it.

And finally, I started watching Oxventure again! I know I don't talk about it like I did Critical Role, but that's partly because I stopped watching it about eighteen months ago, and I don't really know anyone else who watches it, so I don't feel like I need to make comments about it. And, as I said, I stopped watching some time last year when I got Really Fucking Depressed.

Which was daft, in retrospect, because literally nothing had changed except the production values, and added guests on occasion. I did carry on watching the one-shots, when I thought I'd be interested, but I didn't finish watching the original Oxventure, and I don't know if I ever will.

But I started again with the new campaign (Wyrdwood), partly because I was interested to see what was going on, and partly because it turns out I miss watching nerds playing D&D**. Anyway, it turns out this is absolutely up my alley??? Like the setting and the goings on and so on??? And, of course, everyone playing is still the same, and it still feels the same, and it makes me happy.

So now I have that to look forward to every Saturday! (It goes live on Friday evenings, but I can't be arsed to watch it live, so I will watch the VOD the next day).

And that's pretty much everything for now. Back to work tomorrow!

~

*Although some of that was also down to do some very mentally taxing (but ultimately good) things that needed doing.

**I don't think I'll ever go back to Critical Role, though. Which is kind of sad, but hey ho.

With some of my birthday money, which I still have not managed to spend all of, I bought some stuff from Cass Art's website. I initially went on there as they sent me an email about a ridiculously good deal they had going on Poscas. Which it is good! But I flip flopped about whether I actually wanted any, given I haven't been painting even when I have been doing art (I know they're not for that, but they are paint markers, and this is how my brain works). So I ended up buying some more alcohol markers, and two pads of A4 cartridge paper, as all these things were also on offer. And I am easily tempted? IDK.

I got the markers because, although they are not refillable, I am annoyed with my Spectrum Noir ones at the moment. Partly because they're drying out very fast, and partly because if you live in the UK, getting the refills is next to impossible. So they might as well not be refillable, either.

I got a set of twelve of Cass Art's own brand, as well as a set of two blacks and a blender. I've never had a blender before, so I am excite!

I tried the markers out last night and they are some lovely colours - there's pretty much a rainbow, plus a brown and a black (so now I have three blacks, lol, but I don't think you can buy them as singles, otherwise I would have bought a single blender. Evidently, I will have to do a lot of black and white art). And the barrels are triangular, which makes them easier to hold - Spectrum Noir barrels on the classic markers are hexagonal and quite chunky, which makes them uncomfortable to use a lot of the time.

~

In other news, there is no other news, except that I am working my way through Mass Effect 2, and appreciating some of the changes from 1, but getting annoyed with the info pop-ups on the screen. But all in all, I am mostly enjoying it.

I feel like I've had a lot of nothing to say recently, so I haven't said it.

BUT. I feel like I have had a bit of an epiphany re: art recently. I kind of didn't want to say anything at first in case I changed my mind (and I may still do that), but I have a post going up on my sketchblog that mentions it, so I may as well say it here, too.

In all the time I spent doing colouring pages, I wasn't intentionally thinking about what I wanted to do with art, but it kept sort of creeping into my thoughts anyway. And my feeling is thus: I want to make pictures of little dudes doing stuff. For the time being, anyway.

It isn't even a new thing - any of you who've been around me long enough will know I've done this sort of thing before, several times, but I've never really stuck to it. I think because I thought it felt like cheating. Which is dumb, really. I've always liked cartoons, but I think one of the disservices art college did was making me feel like drawing cartoons/more comic-y stuff wasn't "proper" art.

(I know it isn't true, but *blows raspberry*)

Something else that had occurred to me before I did the colouring pages was that I really (really) like simple art with strong outlines and bold/bright colours. And that is the sort of stuff I think I want to make, and I think it will suit the sort of things I want to draw.

So that's what I think I'm going to do.

I may also attempt some paintings on wood board because I've discovered I can get cheap ones fairly easily. Like, I don't mind painting on canvas, but it does bug me that it will move, regardless of how tightly it's affixed to the frame, and also that it can be easily damaged. I've been wanting to try painting on a wood panel for a while, after seeing some paintings Peter Draws did, but at the time I didn't know what I wanted to paint. Well now I do! I think!

Also on a semi-related note, I have disabled the membership tiers on my ko-fi page, so it's just back to simple donations. I really fell off the ball with it, and I think I know why to some degree, but also it didn't help having one of my worst depressions while trying to run it. I'm better now, but I need to rethink it a lot, I think.

Anyway, as usual, I have no idea how to end this, so I'm just going to hit the post button and be done with it.

I discovered a couple of new (and inspiring) artists thanks to a combo of IG/Pinterest, which was nice.

I've not really been feeling the urge to draw much this year, but thanks to the one artist, I started again, a bit, just messing around, and I really enjoyed it! Turns out I miss drawing, who knew! Also because of them, I made a 12 page sketchbook from some heavy weight kraft card that I have - they draw on toned paper, and for once I actually found it kind of inspirational*. So I am going to draw a bit in that and see how I like it.

(I did not find any of my white pens - including a Posca! - failing to show up properly on the card very inspirational, though).

~

I also bought myself my first lot of proper alcohol markers! I feel incredibly guilty about it (because spending money), but I have been wanting to buy some for most of the year, if not longer.

(Although if I am honest, I have actually wanted alcohol markers since I was at high school and my D&T teacher showed the class some work he'd done with some. I thought they looked really cool, but then thought no more about it for years afterwards).

Like. Sharpies are nice and all, but they are not art supplies, and they stink to high heaven.

So I got myself two sets of Spectrum Noir markers from the Range! I have the Floral set and the Blue blending set. I wanted the Turquoise one, but they didn't have it in stock at the store I went to, but there was the blue one, and I am nothing if not biased re: colours.

I also picked up two more packs of Daler Rowney Simply marker paper in Poundland, as they were 50p for ten sheets, so at least I won't feel like I'm wasting it if I just use it for swatches or trying something out. I swatched the Spectrum Noir markers, and they look really nice on it! Unlike the Sharpies, which I tried out a few months back.

I partly bought the markers because I've been doing a lot more drawing this past week or so and, because, as I said, I wanted them, and it was sort of a treat for getting a job. Also they're WAY cheaper than Copics, and I don't have immediate access to any of the other brands, especially not refillable ones.

And I also found a use for a terrible sketchbook I've had for years! Turns out it works really nicely with gel pens and Sharpies, and I kind of wish I'd realised that when I bought it, but I wasn't using either thing at the time (I bought it just after Xmas 2018, according to the order email). But if I can use it to practice marker technique/mess with gel pens, that's fine by me. I wouldn't have even though about getting it out, but that another artist I found via Pinterest uses a sketchbook of the same brand (but which, for whatever weird reason, seems to be only available in Australia, when it is a British brand??? I DIGRESS). So I thought about pulling mine out to see what would happen. And it was a positive result, so yay!

I will probably never buy another one of this brand - although I have one in a smaller size because it was mum's and she never got to using it - but I'm glad I no longer feel like it was a waste of money.

~

Finally, in more whiny news, I have been in absolute agony with my hands hurting A LOT over the past week. So much so, that I considered going back to the doctor but a) I'm positive they'll say there's nothing wrong, like the condescending physio did last November and b) I'll get put on painkillers, which I do not want.

They're still hurting now, but they're not as bad - although as I type this, they do feel stiff, and I feel clumsy typing.

Also my toe joints decided to join in, just for funsies. They've not been as bad, but even so. I am far from amused.

I guess I'll see how it goes over the next couple of weeks or so. It comes and goes anyway, but this last week was the worst it's been and I don't know why.

~

*I like drawing on coloured/toned paper, but I don't choose to do it as often as I do drawing on white/off white paper.

This is possibly the longest I've gone between posting entries? I dunno. A lot has been happening, and yet also it hasn't, because a lot of it is mechanically boring stuff that I doubt you want to hear about.

Last week I had two interviews, but did not get either job. One was for a library post, which would have been ideal, but hey ho! Next time, perhaps! I had another interview yesterday afternoon, but I definitely know already that I won't get that job - there was one question I was asked that I flat out didn't have an answer for, because I've never been asked it before! (It was about if I'd ever made suggestions to improve processes at work, and if they'd been taken on board, and no, I never have, so they never were).

Anyway, this week I have mostly been at a new volunteer job. Except it's "work experience" because it's via the job centre. It's working in a supermarket environment, which I wasn't thrilled about to begin with, but I do need experience in it. And I might get a job there at the end of it, but also I might not. I kind of hope I do, because it's just in town, which makes it so easy for me to get to.

I thought it was going to knacker me because it's a lot of lifting and walking about the store, but actually things haven't been too bad! My feet hurt really badly on the first day, but by the third I was mostly okay? Also sorting stuff into the places it goes is one of those things that makes my brain go brrrrr, which is obviously I enjoy because yay dopamine!

I technically don't have the time to do the old volunteer job, but I haven't left it as such (and I won't until I get paid employment anyway).

~

In other news, I have been mucking about with Sharpies for putting colour on my art!

I can't remember exactly what lead me down this path, except that I was thinking about how I wanted some alcohol markers, but Sharpies were all I had, so they were what I must use.

I really want a set of Ohuhu markers, but to buy them from the manufacturer would cost me ~£8 postage and probable customs charges as they are shipped from Germany, and I can't afford that right now. I know I could just buy them off Amazon, but I haven't bought from Amazon in eight years, and I'm not about to start again now.

Also when I first discovered this I didn't know if I would actually want to use them much, or if I would end up either regretting buying them or not using them much. And I know there are other alternatives to Ohuhu, but I've heard loads of good things about them, and they're not as expensive as some brands *cough*Copics*cough*.

Anyway, I ended up using the Sharpies I had, and all was good, but my palette was extremely limited, and mostly blues and greens (by accident and not design for once!) Now, I am not about to complain about this, as they are colours I gravitate towards anyway, but I also like to use other colours as well!

So I bought a set of 24 with some of my birthday money after I had the interview yesterday, so now I have a wider range of colours! They still mostly skew towards blues and greens, and I have a couple of dupes now, but also now I have some different colours as well!

I have already scanned some art featuring the Sharpie colour, but the scans need editing, and I haven't had the time to do it yet, what with everything else that has been going on. But they will be up on the sketchblog soon, so keep an eye out for them! (maybe) I'm really happy with them and, again, it is giving me the dopamine hit, even if they do smell kind of foul while I'm using them.

My x-ray results came back normal, so there is nothing physically wrong with my joints, which I guess is good news. I also have all my blood test results back, with the following concerns: full blood count, liver function, and vitamin D. I have been advised to take vitamin D supplements, so I'm doing that, and have been for a week. It seems to be going better than the last time I was asked to take it, anyway.

I have to get a phone appointment, and all the bookable ones are gone already (as was the case when I was first asked to make one), and trying to get one on the day is...difficult. I know it's not the surgery's fault but it's flipping frustrating.

~

Talking of frustrating, I made an order of cat litter/food, and for whatever reason, the courier has decided to hold my order hostage.

It was supposed to come on 1/12. It is now 4/12, and all I can get from the courier is, "Whoops, it's been delayed!" Which is very unhelpful.

Now. I get they may be short on drivers for various reasons, but also: I ordered that litter because I was running out and needed to have it soonish. I live in the middle of nowhere, and I do not drive. This is really fucking inconvenient.

So I had to go out on Friday, run round the entirety of the town (almost) to find the right bloody cat litter, because my cat will only use wood pellets, and there is a shortage at the moment. And then I ended up buying the same bloody expensive litter from the same place I ordered from, because that's the only place I could find it. I don't have the money for this! Because of the courier's...whatever...it's actually ended up costing more for cat litter this month than it usually does. I'm really fucking annoyed.

(It's usually DPD who deliver my cat litter, and I have no probs with them, but very occasionally it will be someone else, and that's generally when the problems happen).

~

In other news, I've barely done any drawing for the last month, because I've been busy thinking about/attending medical appointments, and making collages, and doing some sorting through stuff in the house.

So I sat down to do a drawing the other afternoon, and it felt really weird! I've done a couple more since then, and it still feels a bit odd. It hasn't felt this weird for a loooong time. I'm sure I'll get back into the swing of it, but I feel weirdly rusty right now.

~

Finally, I watched a video called How Inscryption Toys With You, which is a really interesting look at how some of the narrative mechanics work, and I thought it was really neat! It contains spoilers for the entire game, so maybe don't watch it if you haven't played/experienced it. But I thought I would share, because I found it interesting.

# I have eczema on the side of the knuckles of my right index and middle finger, and I have no idea what triggered it re: contact, so I can only assume it is stress-related, sighs. FUN.

# I have been drawing trees, mostly, this week, and enjoying it! Turns out even if you think you know what a tree looks like, you don't. I have also painted some card with acrylic paint for collaging because a) I haven't even touched the new paints I bought over a month ago(!) and b) I found a video on yt where someone had done just that. And it is something I've thought about, because I've got a book that suggests doing that, and also: those gelli plate prints I did back in January(!!)

(I'm mad that I was so excited to get that plate and then I've used it exactly once since I did).

# I'm going to move my print on demand stuff from Redbubble to Society 6. I've been thinking about this for a while. Not because I think I'll earn more on S6 (I'll probably have as much interest as on RB, which is to say not very much at all) but, in part, because RB suspended a friend's account on there, and refused to reply to his requests as to why that happened, or reinstate his account.

So I'll probably work on that this month, and close the RB account at the start of October.

# Talking of selling stuff, I updated my ko-fi shop with some new prints! There are frogs! And mushrooms! And other stuff as well!

# On Friday, Jane streamed a game called Bear and Breakfast, wherein you play as bear called Hank, who runs a B&B in the woods. It is adorable. And just what I needed after Life is Strange, tbh.

# Although, talking of Life is Strange, I have been continuing with the series.

I watched Aoife and Johnny play Before the Storm. And I wasn't that into it. Partly because the time frame was WAY too condensed (all that in three days? COME ON. Maybe if it had been across three weeks). And I didn't like Rachel. It was nice to see her being alive and stuff, but I didn't get why Chloe found her so awesome. I also still don't really like Chloe.

There were some good bits, though! Mostly with Chloe and her dad (although the one part was a gut punch I did NOT need). And I did like Steph a lot, and I'm glad she makes a return in True Colours!

And then I started watching Life is Strange 2. I absolutely get what Dontnod are saying and going for with the narrative, but I agree with a comment which someone left on the Episode 2 LP, which is that Sean and Daniel's story is constantly shit stuff happening all the time, and there's only so much of that you can take. Also it having a nine year old child in it, and me having a nine year old nephew make for unfun times in my brain.

So I'm taking this a lot slower, and interspersing it with other stuff (like Jane's stream linked above) instead. Also I absolutely skipped about twenty minutes of the LP of Ep2 because of That One Thing that happens, because I knew it would upset me A LOT. I'm not going to say what it is, but if you've played the game, you know what I'm talking about.

# And that is where I am at right now!

I can report that socialising was a success! \o/ It didn't rain too much, but we also didn't have a barbecue which, given how windy it was, was probably a good idea. Anyway, a good time was had, and my nephew continues to be adorable as always.

~

Other things:

- I read this twitter thread the other day, about someone whose upstairs neighbour had died, and it turned out said neighbour had been a prolific artist. It starts off sad, but ends up happy (sort of; I'm still sad for the guy that a lot of his art was destroyed, because I fear something like that happening with my work after I die).

- I also learnt, because of that thread*, that Bridget Riley is still alive! She's ninety one!

I think I kind of assumed she was dead because, although I learnt a bit about her when I was at art college (and had a friend there who liked her works), most of the alive British artists we learnt about were Damien Hirst, and Tracy Emin, and people of that era (and also David Hockney, because he's practically local). So although the internet was around at the time, and we had a small library of books there, I just had this tendency to assume most people were dead unless I knew otherwise.

- And I watched Johnny play a game called Strange Horticulture, wherein you play a plant shop owner in Fantasy Land Cumbria™. It starts off very slow, but soon picks up, and is a bit weird, and I ended up liking it more than I thought I might. I don't know as I would want to play it myself, but it passed a few hours watching someone else, anyway. I hope Johnny plays the rest of it on their channel, but obviously that's not up to me.

- I don't think I have anything else to say, as this is about the most that's happened in weeks, tbh.

~

*The artist in the thread was inspired initially by an exhibition of her works, and I've been looking her up recently off my own bat. But it didn't occur to me to see if she was still alive until literally the other day.

**It shouldn't surprise me, really. It's not that far from where I live, really, and there's distantly related family there on my dad's side. Also: the Croglin Vampire :D