all made up with nowhere to go

Some things make a post?

1. In the last three years I've spent not really updating my sketchblog, and not updating my ko-fi at all, I've felt less pressured to make art that I deem "worthy" of uploading. I mean, I've always been like this anyway, but the more I hear or read about people contorting themselves into knots about it, the more I want to just make...stuff, I guess?

You don't have to share anything with anyone, just because the internet exists, and I haven't for the last two years, maybe three. I've put some stuff on my private fb page, but that's it. I do sometimes feel bad about not uploading stuff to bsky, but also I'm not obliged to. Maybe I'm just making art for me, and that's the end of it.

(also, perhaps, because I'm not thinking of it as an income stream in any way, that has taken the pressure off me, but it's taken forever to realise this)

2. I am still stuck in Bravely Default - I'm doing a bit of grinding, but I'm also a bit narked that I need to. Not that I think playing on Easy should mean I automatically beat the penultimate boss first time, but also ??? it shouldn't be this hard (imo) (though from what I've read, it sounds like I might find the final boss easy to beat? *shrug emoji*)

3. As I am on a week off work I am doing some more house stuff. Yesterday, I finally moved what used to be a bedside table, and put my sewing machine and thread boxes on it. It's not ideal (it's not tall enough to use as an actual table space), but it will suffice for now. I have a table in the living room that I'm going to use instead, but I need to move everything off it (as it functions as my desk), and then take it upstairs. I also need more space in the front bedroom (but I have a lot of stuff waiting to go to charity shops or the tip.

It will get done, though! There was a time when I didn't think I'd even get this far, so I think I'm doing pretty okay!

4. I think that's it? I don't really feel like I've had a lot to say or tell y'all about recently.

HOLY CRABS, Y'ALL!

Yesterday I bought the Tactics Ogre artbook from the Squeenix website and it is arriving today????

I bought it because I was futzing around seeing if I could find a book of Akihiko Yoshida's art (since he is one of my favourite artists ever), and the search threw up the Squeenix store as a result, so I was like fuck it. I'm having this.

I mean. It's one of my favourite artists and it has tarot motifs. What more could you want? (I'm never going to play Tactics Ogre, probably, as I suck at tactics type games, but I wanted it for the art more than anything).

I almost pre-ordered the FF Tactics book as well, but decided not to in the end. It's not out till November, but also I would've been dropping over fifty quid on just two books (including delivery) and I felt like I couldn't do that. So I didn't.

One of these days, I'll be able to make a shelf where I can put all my game/film artbooks - I've always found concept art super inspiring, so it'll be nice to be able to have it all where I can see it and access it easily.

~

In other news: I am playing Bravely Default!

I am really enjoying it! I think the jobs system feels busted, and I'm not even that far in, I don't think? (I'm at the third of four crystals, maybe around twenty hours or so?)

I would like to slap Ringabel upside his head, although not as hard as some sleazy types because he's just about bearable? Just. He also gives me strong Balthier vibes, and IDK if that's a good thing or not.

I like Edea a lot, and Agnès needs all the hugs. Tiz I don't really feel strongly about one way or the other, he's just kind of...there.

Also don't answer this as I don't want any potential spoilers, but why does Airy give me bad guy vibes? I just feel like there's something off about her, but I don't know what it is. I could be entirely off base with this, I guess we'll find out when I get to the end!

I do love me a turn-based RPG, and of course this one is Final Fantasy without being Final Fantasy, so of course I love it(?) I love the art style (rinse and repeat comments about Akihiko Yoshida here), and I love the backgrounds, and how crisp the pixel art of the items is in menus, and how flexible the job system is. I love the music as well, and a lot of it gives me Ni No Kuni vibes, even though it's two entirely different composers.

I also like the mechanic of rebuilding Norende and, while it's nice that there are AI players in case you have no Nintendo friends, I wish they'd also built in something to accommodate for Street Pass not being around - though I guess when the game was made that wasn't a possibility. I do wonder how it works on Steam, though (I may have to buy the PC version at some point. For science? ;) )

~

And then my final thing! I have seen three dragonflies in the past week, which isn't a lot, but given I can go years without seeing a single one, I feel kind of blessed right now!

I saw one while I was waiting for the bus to work (and was only clued in by its shadow on the road), and the other two when I came home from work on Monday. There were two zipping about right outside my kitchen window! I wanted to stay and watch them, but I had to feed myself and the cat, so I couldn't :( But the fact that I saw them even at all was really pretty cool.

Bullet point list, just because:

# We have now had two heatwaves this year - one at the end of May, one at the end of June. It got to low thirties °C, which is WAY above what it should be for West Yorkshire at that time of year. It's due to get hotter again at the end of this coming week (though hopefully slightly less ridiculous temps, and for less time, but I'll believe it when it happens).

# I have just had a week off work. I didn't do much beyond a lot of House Things that needed doing because I hadn't previously had the time. (I like that I get extra money to Do Stuff from being in work so much, but it sucks ass that I then don't have the time outside of holidays, blehhhhh).

# I was meant to go to the dentist in the middle of the week, but I had to cancel and rebook because I have also been ill with a cold while I've been off! YAY. [/sarcasm] I wasn't as ill as last time this happened, but it still wasn't fun AND I had two of the worst nosebleeds I've had in a while because of it.

# I went to Burnley again, because I was out of the house anyway, and thought I'd enjoy the cooler weather while I could. I accidentally ;) bought two more sketchbooks and one notebook from TK Maxx because a) they were both brands I like (Royal Talens/Sakura) and b) they were all on sale. One of them I got for £2.40 for some reason, which is a fraction of its price, but I'm not complaining in the slightest!

I also got a Peanuts Hallowe'en mug while I was there, and I feel like that was a gift from the universe, as I had been grumping to myself that I didn't have any Hallowe'en Peanuts stuff. And now I do!

# I had a realisation about feeling uncreative, and I think I've realised it before (i.e. that it's been going on longer than I think it has, but I am yet to find out what triggered it in the first place). I think it's hitting worse at the moment because I have less free time, and seasonal depression is hitting me hard this year.

# I'm having to do grinding in Miitopia so I can beat the final boss, and I am not amused by this (I tried twice and got my ass handed to me yesterday). I could give up and go to Bravely Default instead, but I'm trying not to do that any more.

I don't really have anything to say, so here's what I did yesterday.

I went to Burnley, and I took a whole bag of books with me, which I donated to the RPSCA shop. It turns out they will do pickups for local people, but I don't think I qualify as local as I am not only in the next county, but also several miles away. I guess I can always ring them up and see, as I did ask for a contact number anyway!

Then I pootled around town, which included:

- buying some books - three used, one new. One of the second hand ones was Deric Longden book I somehow don't already own (he didn't write many, hence why I was surprised I didn't already have it). The new one was The Very Hungry Caterpillar as I don't know if I already have a copy, but I want that Eric Carle inspo at the moment (I am thinking about collage A LOT at the moment, especially using hand painted papers - to that end, I also recently bought Clover Robin's book Cut Paper Pictures for help/inspo. There is also a book called If You Can Cut, You Can Collage, which also looks interesting, but I'm trying (and failing) not to buy books right now).

- buying Kingdoms of Amalur: Re-Reckoning (just so I have it) and Ni No Kuni II, even though I haven't beaten the first one yet (but I'm thinking about going back to it once I finish Miitopia, which is what I'm currently playing).

- buying a frame so I can frame a print of some artwork that was made by my friend Chris! I really love his art (this is him) and I have several postcards of his stuff, but it's nice to have a (frankly massive) print to enjoy as well. I don't know where I will hang it; I'm thinking somewhere in the living room, but we'll see.

edited to add: I also took a bunch of pictures while I was out, mostly of flowers (petunias, poppies, oxeye daisies), but also of some textures on walls, mostly different types of moss. It's the most photos I've taken in one day in a long time, and I had a lot of fun doing it. [/eta]

And that was really it. I felt like ass when I got home (I was only out for three hours!), and I still do today, but it's colder and damper today, and I was already feeling shite from work anyway. So today is a rest day and doing as little as possible! Maybe even napping if I feel like I need it. I have holiday coming up at the start of July, so I'm hoping to conserve what energy I can for then, so that I can do some house stuff that needs doing!

I am struggling to remain positive about (some) things at the moment, but here are three good things that have happened in the last twenty four hours, and one that happened over the last week:

1. A regular customer told me I was being very diplomatic when talking to another customer about food (he kept saying he shouldn't have certain food because it would make him fat, and I was like, "Who am I to judge what you want to eat?" and back and forth for a bit). I try not to be judgemental about other people (though sometimes it's very hard), so I'm glad that came across to someone outside of the conversation.

2. I also talked with another regular customer about video games! He'd heard me telling one of the managers I allegedly had good reactions because I play games*, so then he was asking me what I liked playing, and I told him about my console collection (he's a lot younger than me, and his eyes went wide when he realised how many I actually own).

3. I bought an e-reader??? I don't know if this a positive thing, but I realised I have so many .pdfs I just don't look at, ever. And that includes books I've bought. Also a whole bunch of RPG stuff, including the indie things I've bought from itch.io

I got a Kobo Clara Colour 16Gb model (we don't do Amazon in this house - yes, Kindles are cheaper, but Jeff Bezos already has WAY too much money). I am delighted to see that it is waterproof, which means if I take it out with me, it shouldn't matter if it gets rained on (though I would hope to keep it as dry as possible!) And I'm also delighted to learn that you can use Libby on it, which means I can access digital resources from my library!

4. At least three people said during the week they hadn't seen me lately, and were wondering if I was okay/if I'd left, and were pleased to see that I was still around and functional.

~

*I don't know how true this is - I don't feel like I do, but obviously I can't speak for anyone else.

I had a weird experience the other night while lying in bed before I went to sleep.

( cut for talk of dentistry/teeth )

So yeah, that was a thing that happened!

~

Other than that, I have been binge watching Kathleen Illustrated on youtube, because I was looking up thrift flips (because I am in my Customising Clothes Era) and she was the first person I watched, and I latched onto her because I dunno. She seems like a fun person!

Also! She is a Scorpio, and in one of her videos, she posited designing a t-shirt with the relevant constellation on, and I sat there, mouth open, because how had I never considered this for myself??? I love shit with my starsign/constellation on! I have a glow in the dark constellation I made myself, and Famfrit's Esper symbol* ON MY LIVING ROOM WALL because I love that sort of thing so much (and also FFXII, but we knew that anyway ;) ) I have bought notebooks in the past because they have Aquarius on them! I bought a necklace that says it, and also a bracelet. I am such a sucker for that shit!

But how did I never consider making a t-shirt with it on?? After all the t-shirt ideas I've ever had, as well!

Oh well, something to do in the (very near) future! I have an eye test coming up, so I'm going to have a root around the charity shops in town afterwards to see what I can find vis-a-vis a t-shirt to do something to :D

~

I don't think there's anything else to say right now. I'm currently sitting here on the second day of a migraine, feeling very slack jawed, so if there was anything important to say, it has been lost within the folds of my brain. I think maybe I just need to sit and be still somewhere.

~

*I also made the Famfrit artwork myself, scaled up from a .png of the symbol, and then coloured with watercolour pencils in blue and green.

The other day my friend from work, Andrea, texted me and was like, "Wanna hang out and do some art stuff?" Obviously, I was like, "HECK YES!", so we did, and I had a great time!

It wasn't long enough, but times like this never are - even if she'd stayed all day, it wouldn't have been long enough.

She did some linocut designs, and I mostly worked on a cross stitch design that I am embarrassed to say I had not touched since November last year. I thought it had only been waiting since January, but not according to the date on the squared paper ¬_¬

Anyway, I've nearly finished it now. I just need to get it so it all looks good together, and then I can try it out. When I have finished being sidetracked by the maybe five other things I've thought of since then, lol. Some of them are listed below, but my brain is like a percolator right now, and it's great (but also annoying because I can't split myself into multiple parts to do all the things at once).

# Instagram kept recommending me this guy who customises clothes by covering them in running stitches, mostly sewn with sashiko threads and the end results look AMAZING. I think he also makes some of his own clothes as well, and I am obviously WELL INTO THAT AT THE MOMENT. Obviously I started following him, even though every day I get closer and closer to packing IG in. This is him, if you're interested.

tl;dr to that: I've dug out an old pair of black jeans that no longer fit me, as well as a pair of jeans I got from a charity shop. I'm going to practice on both of those with designs and see what happens. The charity shop pair I'd bought to cut up and do something else with but they do, in theory, fit me, so if whatever I do turns out good, then maybe I can actually wear them!

(This is also not a new idea - I wanted to do similar a few years ago with a denim jacket that I've since got rid of, but tattoo designs I wanted but couldn't afford or wouldn't get. Obviously my brain was just waiting for the right moment to actually do it).

# I went to Burnley yesterday, and bought a whole bunch of things I didn't need (and also some I did), which included a needle punching kit, to give it a go and see if I liked it. And I think I do? I have a couple of criticisms with the kit, but given I paid a fiver for it in The Range, I'm not going to moan too much.

I love how textural it comes out using DK weight yarn to make the design with, though. Which figures, given you can make rugs with this technique.

I'm obviously going to have another few goes with things I already own, and see what I can do with the needle I have, rather than putting in another order for stuff I might end up not wanting or using.

# I also bought fabric medium so that I can paint designs directly onto fabric, or print on it with blocks I have, or linocuts I may make myself (because I do actually like printing, I just don't talk about it a whole lot). Also I figured fabric medium was a better way to go, since I already have a bunch of acrylic paints that I can use with it.

~

I don't think I have anything else to say, and I'm actually feeling well enough now to go and do some chores, so I guess I should do that!

I woke up late today, and consequently feel like the day has already run away with me, but holy carp did I need to sleep last night. Not that I slept well, but I slept for longer than usual, so hopefully something evened out somewhere.

I just. My last three shifts at work (all long ones) have exhausted me. Luckily, the next three are all short, and none of them are morning starts \o/

I've got another week off coming up at the end of the month, and whoooo boy do I feel like I need it already.

In other news, I have been watching a lot of quilting and clothes making videos on youtube while not posting on here. And for the last four or so days, I've been binge watching someone who I used to subscribe to, but then recently unsubbed because I hadn't watched her in years (and I don't even know why). But then I started watching her clothes/costume making videos, which I hadn't seen before (because of the not watching her), and MAN I AM INSPIRED. Not that anything I make for myself will be anything like she makes (I mean, she likes dresses and skirts for starters, and I Do Not). But I'm inspired, and it's good! Not that I needed the inspo, but I guess it will help in the long run? IDK.

I don't know if I will resubscribe to her once I'm done bingeing, because her chaotic way of making videos was driving me up the wall. Though that may just have been because I was tired a f. WHO KNOWS. It mystery!

Other than that, me and my work friend took some more stuff to the tip last week, so I'm glad that's gone. I haven't managed any house stuff aside from that, as I've been at work more than at home. I did manage to reclaim a whole load of 100% wool yarn from crochet squares that my gran had made (the yarn was too unstable for them to stay in that format), so I am going to knit it into blocks and felt it!

And that's pretty much it for now! I think! Time to go and have some dinner!

Holy fuck, where did the last two weeks go???

That's rhetorical - I know where it went. Work. And I have just been in work for seven days straight, and feeling ill for some of it! I think I had a mild cold (I was snotty and sneezing, as were some of my coworkers), but I also had what I'm pretty sure was a fibromyalgia flare \o/ It was fucking awful. My main memory of it is that I felt very stiff, like all my muscles had seized up, and my ligaments/tendons were on their way to join them. It got better after a decent night's sleep but ooooh boy it was not fun while it was happening.

I still don't feel 100% now, but I definitely feel better than I did then.

Luckily, I'm on holiday again soon, as it is leading up to my birthday!! I have zero plans, as always. I will probably lie in bed playing video games and snuggling up with the cat.

I don't really have anything else to say - I've been in work more often than not, and therefore nothing remotely interesting has happened.

I have just bought myself a desktop PC, and I am screaming, y'all. Because it was a lot of money at once, and whoops my hand slipped? ;)

But. I had WAY more money in the bank than I was expecting, one week out from payday. Also next month I will be 45, and I feel like that is significant enough reason to treat myself, right?

Also it was this or a PS5 and, while the PS5 would have been cheaper, I can do more than just play games on a computer (though I did buy it for playing games, make no mistake).

I also bought a controller to go with it that has cherry blossom patterns all over because a) I wanted one anyway (I think my hands are too fucky for keyboard and mouse*) and b) I am a weeb and I make no bones about that fact (not any more, anyway).

Anyway, it qualified for free next day delivery somehow, so it is arriving tomorrow!! Weather permitting, of course, because it snowed overnight.

I am very excite! But also feeling weird, because it was a lot of money for me to spend all in one go.

For anyone who cares, it is an ASUS V500, with a 1TB SSD, with 16Gb memory (upgradeable to 32Gb), and an Intel i7 processor. It isn't specifically a gaming rig, but I'm not bothered by that - it will do what I want it to, no hassle. It also will have enough USB ports for me to able to plug everything in, and maybe have some left over (I think it has seven or thereabouts in total?)

So obviously now part of my time off from work this week will be taken up by playing with that, rather than the house stuff I had intended to do (I'm still painting the hallway, though, because eff leaving that again when I know I'm capable of doing it this time).

~

*though I am aware that not every game I want to play will have controller support, but as long as most of them do, that's okay with me.