all made up with nowhere to go

I can't believe it's been nearly a month since I last posted!

But there has not been that much going on lately. Things are still the same - my mental health is shit (though better than not, but not great), though I am getting help with it. The situation with my nephew is still the same, and there is nothing I can do about that. I've had a lot of time off work (holidays, not sickness), so I haven't been out a lot. I don't feel like I've done a lot of things.

I've knitted three scarves, and watched the usual people playing video games on the internet. I've done a lot of sorting out/tidying/recycling in the front bedroom. I keep feeling like it feels insurmountable, but it really isn't, and I really am now hitting a point where that can be a functional room again at some point sooner than I maybe anticipated back at the beginning of the year. And that feels really good.

And, as part of that, I have also been doing the same thing in other parts of the house, namely the kitchen. I finally cleared off the windowsill, so now my succulents have a lot more space to exist, and it just looks tidier. Which also feels really good, and pleases me a lot.

But other than that, there's not really been a lot happening! But I am still here, still existing, and I shall continue to do so.

A list post, perhaps:

# Okay so the tl;dr version of the last few weeks is that work has been exhausting for no reason anyone can think of. Even my line manager, who has been there eleven years, said she didn't know why it was so busy lately. It isn't meant to be at the moment.

# My friend Jackie and one of our mutual friends helped me take a bunch of stuff to the local tip at the weekend. It isn't even all the stuff that needs to go, but it was a fair bit, and now I can do a sigh of relief that it's gone. And then figure out what I need to send next.

# One of the things that went was my microwave, so now I don't have one again. It had started burning food in the middle, and some of the paint had come off in the inside, so IDK, it felt a bit unsafe to use? I didn't even really use it that much anyway, so I might not miss except on evenings when I am home from work late, I guess.

I thought about getting a new one, but I'm going to wait till after pay day if I do. Although at least two of the people I work with rhapsodised about their air fryers to me the other day, so I don't know if I might get one of those instead (or maybe as well as? I don't have a lot of counter space, so I feel like it should be an either/or, really).

# One of the things I have been meaning to link to for ages is Luke Westaway's playthrough of Dark Souls (But Randomised!) (link goes to the first video)

I am watching it because I love Luke anyway (he made me very sad by leaving Oxtra, but let's not talk about that and, instead, mention that I am happy he is doing stuff on his own channel). But also I am watching it with a morbid fascination, because I still cannot believe he looked at Dark Souls and went, "Wait, how can I make this harder for myself???"

# Talking of people I like streaming video games, Johnny Chiodini decided to replay Strange Horticulture, which is a neat game set in fantasy land Cumbria, wherein you sell plants to people, while mysterious goings on are happening!

They said they might finish it on stream this time, and I hope they do, but if not at least I know there are other playthroughs out there to watch this time around.

They also streamed a game called Crow Country, which someone in the chat described as Playmobil Silent Hill, and now I can't not mentally refer to it as that. Anyway, it's a game in the vein of early Resident Evil games, but with the model aesthetic of OG FFVII and I'm liking it so far. I wasn't sure I would when I first heard people talking about it, but I'm glad I gave it a chance.

# I have made both the cushion cover and the blind I was intending to do, so I am super happy about that. I also got two books out of the library, one of which has a pattern for a plush cat, and the other one has a pattern for a plush whale, and you bet I am going to freaking make those. I've wanted to make one of those denim whales from an old pair of jeans for YEARS but kept putting it off because I either didn't have the material or the confidence. But now I am going to! After I make the small one from the book.

(Because I am an adult and ofc what I need is more plush animals sitting around the house. Of course it is).

# Think that's it for now! Off to do some washing and sorting, though maybe not in that order.

Small things of note?

# Found a Paul Robeson CD in Oxfam in Halifax the other day, so I bought it. I also saw some other CDs I ummed and ahhed about buying but in the end did not (Odelay! by Beck - but I only know one song off it, same with the KT Tunstall one I saw).

# I was also amused to see that someone had got rid of what must have been all or most of their Stereophonics CDs in one of the charity shops. I did not buy any of them - I think I have the album that contains the one song I like by them (Local Boy in the Photograph), and I don't like anything else they did.

# Got to hang out on bus rides home for the last couple of days with Chris, which was delightful, because I've been having some amazing conversations with him lately. I also gave him a book I thought he might like, about writing stories for kids, and he seemed really pleased with it, which in turn makes me very happy.

~

In other news, I don't know if you remember me making the start of a quilt around Xmas time, but the other day I decided to dismantle it, so that's what I've done. I don't know what I will do with the pieces, but I'm sure I'll think of something. Turns out I didn't really want to make a massive quilt, who knew!

I have also finished off the squares for the scrap quilt, and that took forever, because I decided to do thirty squares for some reason when I should have just stuck to four, to try it out. But I am not good at good decisions, so. Here I am. I am in the process of sewing them to a backing piece of cotton. Don't know what I will use for the final final backing, though. I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

And then I am also also making a wrap to go around one of my sketchbooks, inspired by this lovely lady called Tori on youtube (Wrap how to video part 1 here). It has taken me forever so far, partly because I should've started with something smaller, perhaps, but also the fabric I chose for the front piece is actually very sturdy (it would make a good book cover!) and possibly not the best choice. But I'll know that for the future!

~

I don't have anything else to say, so I'm going to end this here!

You know, I realised that on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday next week (AND the week after!), I do not have to go anywhere or do anything and omg the relief that washed over me when I realised that.

Delightful.

I seem to have been doing SO MUCH the past few weeks, and I've found it exhausting. I had to take Jazz to the vet for her 6 month check-up yesterday and, by the time we left the house, I felt like I was running on fumes. I feel better now, but blerrghhhh not a fan.

(Jazz is fine, btw, she's just put the weight back on that she lost last year, and I fully admit it's probably my fault for giving her too many biscuits).

Anyway, I have the final question for the Post Once A Day Meme, and you will not be surprised in any way to discover that it is late!

It is from lassarina, and she asks: What (in your own opinion) makes a good streamer?

Pretty much it boils down to someone who is engaging with the game and their viewers. I'm not going to say enjoying the game, because I have watched some people play games that they are clearly not enjoying - Aoife playing Stranger of Paradise springs to mind, for example, as she was having a terrible time with it, but I still watched the entire stream. I think what I mean by engaging with the game is that they're not just playing it for the views? Like they don't look bored, they at least look like they want it to improve (if it's bad), or they are enjoying themselves, or some kind of middle ground.

I like people who acknowledge their chat commenters (and regular commenters), but don't spend the entire time reading the chat instead of playing the game - one thing I like about the Oxboxtra and Eurogamer streams where it's more than one person is that someone can be playing the game, but someone else can keep an eye on what people are saying. Although shout out to Luke during Ellen's Dark Souls streams for saying from the start that nobody is looking at the chat and will not respond to them (because we know what DS fans are like, right?)

I don't like people who mess around in games a lot - if I want to see that, I can do it myself. I've had a hard time watching some streams that Ian from EG has done on his personal channel, because it's clear he just wants to muck about for a bit instead, and he has every right to - it's his channel and he can play a game how he pleases. I mean, sometimes I can take it, but not a lot of the time.

I don't watch art/craft streams so much (although shout out to Doodle Date, my 100% favourite Youtube channel! because I do watch their streams), although if I did it would be the same sort of thing. Someone who's enjoying what they're doing, and not being an idiot just because they've got an audience. And not doing a thing just because it's popular and will get them the views.

Oh, oh, AND: most importantly: somebody who doesn't ragequit because they got a game over/lost on a level/lost a match/etc. I don't watch people who do that, but I know that that kind of game streamer exists. It strikes me as quite childish, tbh. I mean, I have thrown my controller once, but I only did it once, and, honestly, I don't see what the point is. Not like you can't do it over, is it?

(And I appreciate people who grind levels off stream, even if they get accused of "cheating" when they do it).

I think that's everything! No-one I watch on yt is perfect at streaming (sorry), but I enjoy watching them all the same.

I have spent most of this week messing around with my gel plate! Which is good, because I have mentioned I wanted to use it more (although admittedly not recently). So I thought to myself, just get it out and do it! Stop tying yourself in knots about stuff and just do!

So I did!

And I went back and watched a few videos by the person who inspired me to get a plate in the first place. I'd stopped watching her videos back in January, and I was all, "this is your fault, so what are you up to these days?" and she randomly mentioned this other channel who does printing, and I thought I'd check them out, too.

So I also spent the entire week binge watching that channel! The guy who runs it also does collage, and his aesthetic is right up my street :D He also believes art should be accessible to everyone, so a lot of his printing tutorials involve using basic stuff to make something to print from - e.g. using masking tape and some plastic to simulate a lino cut, or paper layers and a glue stick to make a collagraph*.

And I think it's fascinating, and neat, and why t f doesn't art get taught like this in institutions?

Oh, right, because art isn't meant to be accessible [/sarcasm]

Anyway, if you also are interesting in printing and collage, and making art accessible, you can find this guy on youtube at Yeates Makes.

He's really given me some stuff to think about and use with my gel plate, which is awesome. Not that I don't like the techniques other people use (I do, or I wouldn't have bought the plate to start with), but I like also how it can be used to create similar styles of prints that would, traditionally, need a press, or way fancier equipment.

Of course, also now I am thinking about buying more acrylic paint when a) I cannot afford to and b) I still haven't used up most of what I already have. (But my cerulean blue is running out! Primarily because I use it a lot!)

Anyway, I'm making stuff and having fun, and it's all good. (here you can see some stamping I did yesterday on tissue paper with a circle stamp I made myself. It pleases me because it's so simple, but now I have several sheets of paper that I don't know what to do with! I'm sure something will occur to me eventually).

~

In other news, I am reading Gideon the Ninth, and I am not sure I am the intended audience for it. I don't dislike it, but I can't say I love it, either. It's just...okay? This kind of makes me sad**, but also at least I didn't ask the library to buy this AND Harrow at the same time and then just not read Harrow.

Oh well, I shall at least finish it, and then just go back to not reading again, I guess!

~

*I mean, to me, a collagraph is anything that's stuck, right? Because the "colla" bit is like the French word for glue (colle), so that makes sense (see also: collage). Except if you look up collagraph plate tutorials on the internet, they are complex and tedious, and involve many things your average person doesn't have. Like a printing press.

**I am fully spoilered up by my own decision, so I know what happens, and it sounds interesting, which is why it makes me sad that I'm not more into it.

# I have eczema on the side of the knuckles of my right index and middle finger, and I have no idea what triggered it re: contact, so I can only assume it is stress-related, sighs. FUN.

# I have been drawing trees, mostly, this week, and enjoying it! Turns out even if you think you know what a tree looks like, you don't. I have also painted some card with acrylic paint for collaging because a) I haven't even touched the new paints I bought over a month ago(!) and b) I found a video on yt where someone had done just that. And it is something I've thought about, because I've got a book that suggests doing that, and also: those gelli plate prints I did back in January(!!)

(I'm mad that I was so excited to get that plate and then I've used it exactly once since I did).

# I'm going to move my print on demand stuff from Redbubble to Society 6. I've been thinking about this for a while. Not because I think I'll earn more on S6 (I'll probably have as much interest as on RB, which is to say not very much at all) but, in part, because RB suspended a friend's account on there, and refused to reply to his requests as to why that happened, or reinstate his account.

So I'll probably work on that this month, and close the RB account at the start of October.

# Talking of selling stuff, I updated my ko-fi shop with some new prints! There are frogs! And mushrooms! And other stuff as well!

# On Friday, Jane streamed a game called Bear and Breakfast, wherein you play as bear called Hank, who runs a B&B in the woods. It is adorable. And just what I needed after Life is Strange, tbh.

# Although, talking of Life is Strange, I have been continuing with the series.

I watched Aoife and Johnny play Before the Storm. And I wasn't that into it. Partly because the time frame was WAY too condensed (all that in three days? COME ON. Maybe if it had been across three weeks). And I didn't like Rachel. It was nice to see her being alive and stuff, but I didn't get why Chloe found her so awesome. I also still don't really like Chloe.

There were some good bits, though! Mostly with Chloe and her dad (although the one part was a gut punch I did NOT need). And I did like Steph a lot, and I'm glad she makes a return in True Colours!

And then I started watching Life is Strange 2. I absolutely get what Dontnod are saying and going for with the narrative, but I agree with a comment which someone left on the Episode 2 LP, which is that Sean and Daniel's story is constantly shit stuff happening all the time, and there's only so much of that you can take. Also it having a nine year old child in it, and me having a nine year old nephew make for unfun times in my brain.

So I'm taking this a lot slower, and interspersing it with other stuff (like Jane's stream linked above) instead. Also I absolutely skipped about twenty minutes of the LP of Ep2 because of That One Thing that happens, because I knew it would upset me A LOT. I'm not going to say what it is, but if you've played the game, you know what I'm talking about.

# And that is where I am at right now!

Ok, so. I live in the middle of nowheresville, UK. Yesterday, the temperature in my village peaked at 36°C (~97°F).

It started to drop off pretty swiftly after that (although it was mid to high twenties at 9PM, which is still ludicrous), thanks to a cold front making its way downtown across the country.

I dread to think what it would have been like had I been in a city, or even a big town.

I was able to keep at least the living room pretty cool - yesterday at max temps, it was ~12°* cooler in here thanks to keeping the curtains drawn for the majority of the day, which I had also done on the previous two days. I kept the front facing bedroom curtains drawn the entire time, and I don't know if that helped or not as I don't have a thermometer up there.

I was kind of more worried about Jazz than me. She seemed to be fine, but I gave her extra brushing, since she has really dense fur, and apparently it helps to keep cats cooler because it gets the loose undercoat fur out. I also put ice in all her water bowls, and stroked her with damp flannel from time to time (she let me do it, but I don't think she was into it). She's chirpier today, now it's cooler (a whopping 17°C as I write this!), which makes sense, and also you would be, especially if you had to live in a fur coat all the time.

Also: sleeping with a damp whatever on you is genius! I only wet a flannel, but omg it was amazing.

I have a fan that one of the volunteers from work gave me, but I haven't used it yet. I might do just to clear some of the fug upstairs because it feels horrible up there. I'm glad I'm in a house and not a flat**.

I mostly listened to music on my tablet, or watched Youtube, and did some work on future prints for my shop. This isn't much different from what I usually do, but it also meant I didn't have to move much, or have extra electrics on which would generate heat - my only permanently switched on things are the fridge/freezer and the router, and this is true all year round.

So I survived, but I wish I didn't have to word it like that, and I wish I hadn't had to experience it. Temps in the UK are only supposed to be mid twenties, max (although I'd argue with that, and say it should be low twenties). I want to say I hope it doesn't happen again, but I know it will. I've been watching videos from the weather forecasters saying this isn't going to be a one off. Which. Yeah. Great. Looking forward to that [/sarcasm]

I don't know how to end this part, but I thought y'all might at least like to know I'm okay (I wasn't sure I would be), and that I'm still here.

~

In happier news, Ellen from Outside Xtra streamed Stray, which is that cat game everyone's been going bananas about.

I really liked it, apart from the bits that upset me (but as I am feeling wonky rn, not really a surprise. Also it's a cat). ( SPOILERS! )

And she's going to stream more of it! \o/

~

*I don't know exactly, as what I have in the living room is a "weather station", but the weather predictions are never accurate, and it was a free gift my mum got with something nearly ten years ago, so it won't be amazing quality. But it was WAY cooler and less humid in than out, and that's really all that matters.

**My dad used to live in a third floor flat, and it was bad enough being in there in normal summers, never mind freak ones like this.

# The health check wasn't what I thought it was, but the good news is, according to the blood test I had, I am unlikely to have a stroke or heart attack within the next five years! \o/

And there can't be any other problems, or I assume they would have contacted me by now.

# I went for a walk yesterday morning. I've been trying to get out while I've been at home, because I can't stay in all the time, and I live in a place where there are lots of neat places to go for walks. Also I do need to exercise, and I like walking, even if my knees aren't happy about it.

I made a couple of videos of the birds singing while I was out, and was amazed by how clearly my phone picked them up. I have no idea what I was listening to, apart from two separate genus of corvid*. According to this video, I likely heard blackbirds and wrens, and possibly a robin, too, which fits with what birds I know live locally.

It reminded me that I haven't seen any jays recently, but I guess I've not been at home when they've been around.

# We are meant to be having a heatwave - temps around my area could get as high as 27°C on Friday. Do Not Want. Weirdly, it's been quite cold for June, although I've been relishing that because I hate hot weather. IDK if I've mentioned this before, but it always makes me ill, which doesn't endear it to me. The sooner it is over, the better.

# Finally, I want to ask: if you were going to subscribe to my ko-fi, what would you want as member rewards?

My ideas at the moment are extremely basic (partly to not stress myself) but two of them include shop discounts (from secondary tier up) and member only available items (available to every tier). As well as a monthly print for top tier members.

~

*Probably jackdaws and a crow, but I'm not 100% because I didn't see them.

Okay, so, things I did that weren't leaving my job:

# I watched a longplay of RE2, because I was apparently in the mood for it. I watched a Claire A/Leon B, and was frustrated that, while there are playlists of Leon A/Claire B, there doesn't seem to be a hecking chonky video like there is for the other route :(

Before you ask, no, I will not be watching the remake. Ever. I prefer my zombies low-res, thanks.

# I also watched a longplay of RE3 yesterday (also not the remake), although I'm not sure of how much of it I took in, thanks to mush brain.

# I tried watching a longplay of the Darkside Chronicles and had to give up because a) it was first person, so I felt a bit motion sick, and b) I dunno, it just wasn't really working for me. I couldn't even get to the Police Station to see if they'd redone the music and if they'd ruined the Front Hall (which is my fave off the soundtrack).

# I watched my new favourite streamer play Bugsnax! I didn't watch Ellen when she played it for Oxtra, because I didn't think I'd like it (I have issues with food, so I thought it might be a vague problem). But I started watching, on the proviso I could switch it off if I wanted, and I actually kind of enjoyed it!

# I watched this video by Cat Graffam, about why she quit using Instagram. Usually I don't watch these sorts of videos, unless it's an artist I care about (I've heard of her, but never seen her work before now), but this one was really informative about the ways Instagram works against artists/creative people.

# I found the perfect screen from Oblivion to describe me (image linked says "You don't have enough coffee").

# I also went a wee bit overboard making banners for my membership tiers on ko-fi.
Nothing is live yet*, but it is a thing I am working on! In case you are interested!

*basic memberships from £1 a month are, but you don't (currently) get anything for it, except a warm glow (not guaranteed).

# and that's pretty much everything for the time being!

# I bought babby's first ever pair of wireless earphones this Saturday just gone.

Youtube decided to randomly rec me some bloke I'd never heard of, reviewing Poundland's* current tech range. Which included said in-ear bluetooth earphones. He was so positive about them, I decided to go out and get a pair. So I did.

And honestly, he's right. They're WAY better quality sounding than they have any right to be (they're not perfect, though. There's too much bass, and I'm someone who likes the bass to be apparent in things). The bluetooth connection is a bit choppy, however, if you, like me, like to wander away from the device you're using. Which is the reason I bought them, but I guess if I mostly stay in the same room, I'll be okay.

I've currently mostly used them for listening to music on my commute and it's been a delight.


# I also bought some pens for EXTREMELY CHEAP as my local Clinton's seem to be doing away with their stationery range, and thus all the pens are 20p each. Which basically meant I got three Pilot pens and two Stabilo ones for an entire quid, and I am very happy :D


# I saw a white deer, and it was bloody amazing! I've never seen a white one before, so it was really cool! I am not going to say where or when, because it feels special, and also I remember what happened to that one that innocently went wandering about in Liverpool a few months back.


# hmpf bought some more mugs from my Redbubble shop, as I have updated it a couple of times recently and I had some designs in that she liked!

EDIT: I'm not going to mention every time someone buys something from me, but right now it just seemed like a convenient way of reminding me that I updated, and I meant to tell y'all. [/edit]

Also a reminder that anything that's available there is available as a print directly from me, and likely for cheaper (although only in A6/A5 format at the moment), if you fancy buying one!

# And that's all I've got for now!


~

*It's called Poundland because everything used to cost £1 (one pound). Anyway, now most things cost £1, some things are slightly cheaper, some are more expensive. Apparently it's roughly equivalent to Dollar Tree?