all made up with nowhere to go

I have had a cold for the last...week? I felt really grim when I finished work last Saturday, but it had also been a really bad shift - it was busy and we were a person down, so yeah.

Now I'm at the sneezy/snotty stage, which eugh. I think I may actually spend the day in bed, if I can think of something to do whilst being there. (This is the downside of all my creative stuff being mostly downstairs now, heh).

And my hands have been hurting to varying degrees during this time. Which could mean this is a stress response (and I think sometimes it is), but also it could be my immune system being all "HEY! LISTEN!" Which I also suspect it might be. IDK. I am not a doctor, and apparently it's still not arthritis, so who t f knows??

I'm looking at my hands right now as I type this, and I can see that my right hand is swollen. My left hand feels it, but doesn't look as bad. I wish I knew what was going on here.

Anyway, that aside, I sorted through some more of my mum's/gran's yarn stash - the stuff I don't want is going to charity shops or the local college - and found a whole load more crocheted squares, including what looks like the start of a blanket like my childhood one. Which confirms to me that my gran made these, since I know she made my blanket.

So I have unjoined all the squares I'd put together so far, so that I can put them around this rectangle instead, but also so I can make a more coherent big blanket. I'm honestly glad I didn't do anything more than slip stitch them together, as it made taking them apart really easy.

But part of the reason I decided to go through the yarns was because I was looking for 100% (or high percentage) wool to felt. Because after almost a year of feeling like I didn't want to do felting/didn't know what I was doing, I am sort of back on that! Partly because thinking about art dolls got me thinking of ways to make them, and 3D felting is one way I can do (some of) that. I didn't think I wanted to learn 3D felting, but I appear to have changed my mind about that!

But also partly because I sorted some yarn that I found in the cupboard under the stairs a few months ago, and then proceeded to knit three scarves from the blue shades (as it is my favourite colour). I washed them, as the yarn had been under the stairs for more than forty years, in all likelihood, and some of them felted. I don't mind, since the scarves were just for me. But then I was like, "I could make my own felt from some of these yarns!" by knitting them up and chucking them in the wash. I don't know that it will work for all of them, but I think I have a fairly good grasp of what a wool yarn feels like? And assuming they were mostly my gran's, she seems to have used high percentage wool a lot. So I shall experiment. Although not right now, given how my hands feel.

I impulse bought some more felting stuff - it should have been delivered on Thursday, but I knew I would not be home when the postman brought it, so I had to rearrange it to come this coming Tuesday. Which turned out to be the only day where I am home as I am working/doing other stuff the rest of the week. So. Yeah. Although I haven't regretted the purchase in the time since I bought it, so yay?

I feel like this post should have a more coherent end to it, but it isn't going to. I'm stopping it here.

This Friday just gone, I went to the doctor about my health problems (joints + fatigue) and I did not feel like I was being patronised, and it was great!

She has referred me to a musculo-skeletal physio specialist, who I am seeing tomorrow morning (!!)* - she said this is so they can figure out what may be going on, or if it's just the hypermobility being super fucky (not her words, obvs, but that's how I took it). I am also going to have some blood tests, as well as x-rays of my hands and feet.

ALSO: I liked that she said that because I'm hypermobile, at least some of the fatigue will be from just holding myself together. Which felt kind of validating, I guess?

I'm kind of nervous about the appointment tomorrow, but only because I don't know exactly what will happen.

~

I finished Gideon the Ninth and...ehhhh. It was readable but, most of the time, it felt like I was reading fanfic for some media I'd never experienced. Which. I'm not saying this to dunk on Tamsyn Muir! I like fanfic, it's great, and I've used this approach to writing original fiction myself. I just couldn't gel with the whole thing, so I will not be continuing with the series, which I'm (kind of) sad about, but hey ho, it happens.

Feels weird not reading a book now, but also I don't have anything else I want to read right now.

~

I played a bit with my Finetec paints last night, painting some circles on tissue paper. I will fully admit I nicked the idea from someone on youtube, as I saw some metallic circles they had made, went, "OOOH WANT!", and then straight up forgot I owned metallic watercolours until last night. This is what the circle stamping with gold stamp pad was all about. I have the Inca Gold (which is more orangey than I remember), Sterling Silver, and Peacock Blue. But I just played with the gold and silver last night.

(I also have some Pelikan metallic paints in part of a vintage set, AND a set of cheapo Kuretake knockoffs in watercolour paints, but for some reason keep forgetting they exist. Also, while the Pelikan ones are good, they're nowhere near as shiny as the Finetec ones).

And I had fun! Just making shiny circles. I am easily pleased! (sometimes).

I also had a go at what some journallers on youtube refer to as intuitive writing, which is basically scribble writing, because you're not actually forming letters or words, you're just making marks that look like that. That is also fun!

Now I just need to get on and make a bunch of collage with all these papers and things I've been making. Or something.

~

*She mentioned it as something that was possible, and I was expecting a long wait to be seen, but nope! Just over the weekend!

# I have eczema on the side of the knuckles of my right index and middle finger, and I have no idea what triggered it re: contact, so I can only assume it is stress-related, sighs. FUN.

# I have been drawing trees, mostly, this week, and enjoying it! Turns out even if you think you know what a tree looks like, you don't. I have also painted some card with acrylic paint for collaging because a) I haven't even touched the new paints I bought over a month ago(!) and b) I found a video on yt where someone had done just that. And it is something I've thought about, because I've got a book that suggests doing that, and also: those gelli plate prints I did back in January(!!)

(I'm mad that I was so excited to get that plate and then I've used it exactly once since I did).

# I'm going to move my print on demand stuff from Redbubble to Society 6. I've been thinking about this for a while. Not because I think I'll earn more on S6 (I'll probably have as much interest as on RB, which is to say not very much at all) but, in part, because RB suspended a friend's account on there, and refused to reply to his requests as to why that happened, or reinstate his account.

So I'll probably work on that this month, and close the RB account at the start of October.

# Talking of selling stuff, I updated my ko-fi shop with some new prints! There are frogs! And mushrooms! And other stuff as well!

# On Friday, Jane streamed a game called Bear and Breakfast, wherein you play as bear called Hank, who runs a B&B in the woods. It is adorable. And just what I needed after Life is Strange, tbh.

# Although, talking of Life is Strange, I have been continuing with the series.

I watched Aoife and Johnny play Before the Storm. And I wasn't that into it. Partly because the time frame was WAY too condensed (all that in three days? COME ON. Maybe if it had been across three weeks). And I didn't like Rachel. It was nice to see her being alive and stuff, but I didn't get why Chloe found her so awesome. I also still don't really like Chloe.

There were some good bits, though! Mostly with Chloe and her dad (although the one part was a gut punch I did NOT need). And I did like Steph a lot, and I'm glad she makes a return in True Colours!

And then I started watching Life is Strange 2. I absolutely get what Dontnod are saying and going for with the narrative, but I agree with a comment which someone left on the Episode 2 LP, which is that Sean and Daniel's story is constantly shit stuff happening all the time, and there's only so much of that you can take. Also it having a nine year old child in it, and me having a nine year old nephew make for unfun times in my brain.

So I'm taking this a lot slower, and interspersing it with other stuff (like Jane's stream linked above) instead. Also I absolutely skipped about twenty minutes of the LP of Ep2 because of That One Thing that happens, because I knew it would upset me A LOT. I'm not going to say what it is, but if you've played the game, you know what I'm talking about.

# And that is where I am at right now!

1. I will finally be getting my new glasses on Thursday!!

Which is a relief because my old ones are now driving me round the twist. I realised a while back that the anti-glare glaze is coming off them, and I think it's affecting my vision to some degree. And I didn't know until I went for my eye appointment that you can get glasses reglazed, as I saw a notice offering the service while I was waiting to be seen. Except it's probably expensive, and I don't need it for this pair now. And won't have to worry about it with the new ones, as I'm not getting it because urgh, money.

But anyway! NEW GLASSES GET FINALLY!

2. I spent most of this week feeling vaguely under the weather thanks to my horrible tooth. Which, I don't know if I've mentioned it before, but any time I get even a vague infection in my sinuses, it sets the tooth off hurting. Or possibly it's the other way round, but whatever. So I've spent most of the week feeling gross and not doing a lot (and feeling bad about it), while curled up in bed playing Slay the Spire (and also feeling bad about this).

( cut for minor tooth related discussion )

3. I made the mistake of looking up tips for Slay the Spire, and omg it's worse than looking up RPG tips. There's a very strong aura of OMG YOU'RE PLAYING IT WRONG, certainly from the stuff I saw. Which I also encountered when looking up Inscryption stuff but, obviously, I wasn't playing that, and it wasn't quite as bad, but STS advice just feels very...off-putting, which is putting it nicely.

On the other hand, I did a daily challenge for the first time yesterday, and came out of it feeling super awesome because a whole bunch of cool things happened, and I got really far into the game. I've been avoiding the daily challenges because a lot of them have been using a character I haven't unlocked yet (I think you get them once you get to the end of the spire for the first time), so didn't want that to be my first experience of them. But yesterday's was using the Silent, who I really like using, so I thought I'd give it a go! I didn't get all the way up, but I don't care. I had fun, and that's what counts.

4. I went into town yesterday, in part, to pick up actual books I had requested from the library! All requests are free at the moment, so that's an amazing incentive to go and request more :D

I am currently, although not with much gusto because what is concentrating on books these days, reading Problems and Other Solutions by Allie Brosh. I read Hyperbole and a Half about a million years ago, so I was glad when this finally got published, although I am still having a bad time making myself concentrate on reading. It's the first book I've read since November :O

The books I picked up were three embroidery and one sewing book. I've flipped through them but not really looked at them properly, but am finding them (somewhat) inspiring all the same.

5. I thought I had a #5, but I don't, so I shall end this post here!

# I woke up this morning with a migraine, which is delightful (not), but absolutely explains my liquid brain at work yesterday. UGH.

I know this is a precursive symptom AND YET, every time it happens, I am surprised when I feel like a rotten vegetable the very next day.

# Everyone appreciated their Xmas presents, which was great, since I was really whiffly about my brother's and sister in law's. But they were happy, and that makes me happy.

My nephew continues to be adorbs, as almost always.

They gave me money, so now the traditional wondering what to buy with it has commenced! I mean, it's likely going to be things I can be creative with, but the question is what. Though I did also think about getting a couple of months' subscription to Skillshare, but I don't know what classes I would want to take, and then I would feel like I wasted the money if I didn't watch anything. I think part of the problem is that there's so much stuff on there, and you can't easily browse what's available without being nagged to sign up (source: I tried it and that was what happened), and I dislike that intensely - it also annoys me on Pinterest and Instagram. Sometimes I like being able to browse without having to be signed in, websites!

It also doesn't help that my weasel brain is a weasel brain, and so whatever I'm focusing on now may not be something I want to watch a class in, if you see what I mean. And also will I still be interested in the thing if I make a list now but don't look at it until maybe a month later when I finally remember to subscribe? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

# I strung the stretcher from an old canvas to use as a loom, and I am making a rag rug on it! I haven't got very far as yet, but hopefully it won't take too long (as long as I have something to listen to/watch while doing it, because it turns out that's what I need to make certain things not boring!)

# I don't know if I will post again before New Year's, so I hope everyone has a lovely time!

I bought and started taking glucosamine sulphate because I am sick of my joints hurting for what feels like most of the time. I don't know if it will help, but I thought I'd give it a try, as I can get tablets for relatively cheap, and see what happens.

I have thought over recent months that my joint problems are more tendon/ligament related than arthritis (though some of them defo are arthritis related, yaaaay), and that's what glucosamine is supposed to help with.

I did not expect the tablets to be the size of horse pills, however. You're supposed to take them with food, ideally, and I was feeling lazy when I had my tea last night and was all, "I can dry swallow this!", got one out of the bottle and then was like, "Ha, nope!"

I will go to the doctor eventually, but after being patronised last time I went wrt this problem (I saw a locum and she was Not Good), it kind of put me off. Also I don't know really what they can do for me, except prescribe me painkillers which may or may not work, depending on how my body is feeling at the time!

~

I have been watching a lot of Eurogamer/Oxboxtra Deathloop stuff lately! And also listening to the soundtrack, because it's awesome.

I had never heard of/had absolutely no interest in this game until I watched Ian's stream of it the other day, and now I am totally on board with it! I mean, it's like someone made this game based off things I like! Except for the fact that it's a first-person shooter, but I'll live with that as long as someone else is playing it.

I ended up spoiling myself for the plot, because I don't think anyone is going to do a full playthrough - Ian has been playing some on his personal channel, and I've been watching it, but I think he'll probably do like he did with Returnal, and leave out some of the bigger plot stuff. But I don't think spoiling myself worked out badly? Now I want to know even more than ever how stuff fits together! (I could probably find an LP somewhere, but I want to see what my favourite people on yt are doing first).

~

Here's some more of that Squeenix meme!

19. Is there any Square-Enix game that grew on you?

Oh for sure! Several of them, in fact!

FFXII is the easily the most memorable because, until I played that, I'd only played the turn-based games in the series, so I was unprepared for the live interaction with enemies. I didn't mind not having to wait for a fight to load, but I just. I prefer turn-based!

Also Nier, but that was because although I knew bullet hell games existed, it's not what I was expecting from this game. I don't know what I was expecting, but yeah, bullet hell wasn't it.

FFV! Like, I knew I liked it when I played the PSX version, but that version is just so bad, and the translation is awful (Salsa, anyone?). And then, this past year, I finally played the GBA version, and loved it! I think it was the first one I played with the job system, so that completely threw me for a loop as well.

20. Is there a Square-Enix game that's grown off of you? (i.e. you don't like it as much as you used to, for whatever reason)

Not really? I'm not as fannish about some of the games as I used to be, but I still like all the ones I like with the same level of intensity.

21. What Square-Enix series have you played? (even if you've not played the entire series)

Final Fantasy, obviously. Nier (one day I will play Automata for myself, but today is not that day). I played Dragon Quest VIII, but I didn't like it very much, and that's why I haven't played another one since (also unpopular opinion, but I don't like Akira Toriyama's art, so looking at it the entire time wasn't a fun experience for me).

EDIT: Also Kingdom Hearts, which I keep forgetting about, gdi! [/edit]

If we're talking Taito, then OBVIOUSLY Bust-A-Move!

And as for Eidos, as I mentioned previously, I've played OG Tomb Raider, and also one of the later ones, but I can't remember which (and I no longer own it so I can't check). I also have one of the more recent ones for my PS3 which I'll get to eventually.

Totally didn't buy a notebook and a pen I don't need because they were on sale. Nope, not me. Nor any MT washi tapes in neon colours. Nope, don't know what you're talking about.

~

I have more phone woes! My landline is almost completely dead! Like, not even fuzzy, there's nothing that happens when I press the call button. And it's like it was before, in that I can get incoming calls, but it doesn't register them as having been answered - but it's only been like that since yesterday. I wouldn't have even twigged anything was wrong, but that I have had a suspicious lack of spam calls lately. This was supposed to be fixed, ISP!! *shakes fists*

I've reported it to them - that was almost two weeks ago now, and I re-reported it on Wednesday, but I didn't get a text saying they were looking into it, so who knows what the heck is happening. (I just checked on the website, and they say they're looking into it, and will try to resolve it ASAP. So hopefully that's what happens!)

~

After a while of being as gluten-free as possible, this is what I've noticed:

( food related stuff )

~

I'm considering buying a copy of Monster Hunter World! I've previously been put off the games because I have a friend who is very into the series, and talks about them a bit like the way people talk about Dark Souls - i.e. "You need to learn enemy attacks and that's how you win!" (he thankfully doesn't call people scrubs or tell them to git gud, however). So I've always kind of avoided them. But I've been watching gameplay videos on youtube, and it looks like it might be fun? Also I want a cat friend!

There's a copy available at my local CEX, so I'm hoping it'll still be there tomorrow before/after work (I could click and collect it, but I'd rather do it this way, IDK why).

I am just coming out of a three day migraine. At least, I hope I am. I'm not 100% sure it's gone, but I didn't wake up this morning feeling like there was concrete in my head, so yay? Also I was pain free yesterday evening, which is a good sign (I got up after watching the Oxventure stream feeling like I'd been dragged backwards through several hedges AND like my blood sugar was really low, though, so THAT WAS FUN. This is how it seems to be when I've had one that's lasted several days).

Multi day migraines are nothing new for me but, as I noted last year, they've suddenly started getting a lot more painful when they happen. Wheeee! Painkillers do seem to help somewhat, and I guess it's useful that we're in lockdown, as I can lie around feeling like crap and doing very little without feeling too guilty about it.

In other news, on the middle of those three days, I played some FFV Advance! It seemed like less hassle than Diablo III (and meant I could sit in my chair, rather than on the uncomfortable sofa). I beat Leviathan and Bahamut, and I have all the legendary weapons now. And the three extra jobs that you get because it's the Advance version (I will probably never have Necromancer, and I don't have Mime. I don't know if there's anything else I'm missing). I don't know if there are any other prerequisites before going into the Void - I'll have to check a walkthrough. (I did get to this stage once before, on the PSX version, but it was like fifteen years ago, at least, so good luck remembering what to do, me!)

And then yesterday I made two felt appliques! This is something I've been thinking about doing for a while now, but just not done because ???? I don't actually know. This is the first one I did, and it took the longest time. I also made a mushroom, which I'm going to upload a picture of later when I've taken one.

I want to make some more mushroom appliques, I think. And some more friendly monsters, because I've been drawing them for years now, and not really ever done anything with them. I don't know if I want to sell them - I certainly didn't make the first one to sell (which is good, considering I messed up his face and had to redo it). It'd be nice to do something creative that I automatically didn't think, "Oooh, I could sell this!" (which is where I'm at with book binding, but there's only so much space in my house for books right now!)

(Finally, please enjoy this conversation from the Oxbox crew about mattresses. It's relevant because they talk about futons. That's why my sofa is uncomfortable - because it's a futon).

(And check out this chiptune version of the Firelink Shrine music from DS1! Youtube gave it to me as a random rec, presumably because I keep sticking the OG version on to just chill to (it's about the only thing I like about DS1) and it just works really well??? original version for comparison).

~

And also, the reason why I'm here! On a Saturday! It's the Post Once A Day meme!

forests_of_fire asked: If you could design your ideal video game, what would it be like?

Well. If the game I tried (not very hard) to design a few years ago is anything to go by, it would involve lots of exploration in large areas (so an open world game, I guess?) with things to collect to either advance to the next area (a bit like Pokemon, but not) or for crafting purposes. Or just for the heck of collecting stuff (I mean, guess who has two thumbs and is forever running out of inventory space? OH YEAH IT ME).

I was basing it on things I liked in games I was playing at the time, and the open world thing was definitely an influence from Skyrim, although obviously I appreciate it in other games like Dragon Age: Inquisition (although the level locking on that annoys me).

The only thing I was really missing was changeable armour/weapons/clothing (although that said, I think my ideal game would be non-combat based. I just want to explore and take stuff in, and not have to fight off mooks every five minutes).

As games that already exist go, The World Ends With You is pretty darned near it. As I mentioned in another answer, it has the dress up element (even though the sprites don't change - for obvious reasons - there are hundreds of clothing items), and there's several tropes in it I really really like, and Neku's character arc is just *chef's kiss*.

Anyone for a list post?

1. I just had a four day migraine, because why not, I guess! I've had them before, but not for years! I had a three day one about a month ago, and now this one! I'm hoping it doesn't turn into a five day one, but we'll see, I suppose.

2. Aoife and Ian are nearly at the end of Demon's Souls! I didn't realise it was such a short game! (although I suppose they've not done everything? Ian is basically being GPS for Aoife, so she's not exploring, or really getting lost).

I thought I might like to play the original, but when I watched them fight the Dragon God, it gave me such flipping anxiety, I was all, NOPE! (what's worse is, I watched it twice, because I missed some of the stream when it was live, and I still had massive anxiety! even though I knew what was coming!)

3. Talking of FromSoft games giving me anxiety, although I have the Greater Soul Arrow spell now, and can probably take out the one butcher miniboss in three hits, I think I am going to leave Dark Souls alone for now. I am demonstrably not having fun (which is why I play games: for fun), so I think I will try something else. As usual, I don't know what, although possibly something handheld, as I like to cuddle up in my chair and, as I've probably said before, the sofa is uncomfortable (but that's where the TV and my non-handheld consoles are).

I have FFV Advance to finish, and I've picked up a bunch of DS/3DS games recently, so maybe one of those? IDK!!

4. I started listening to all the Bowie albums I own, in order. There's 27, and I'm missing six* (eight, if you count both Tin Machine albums, which nobody does, right?** ;) ) I did this, in part, because I tend to gravitate towards Outside, if I want a full album, or the Best of Bowie if not. And it's been a good while since I listened to any of them right through (Outside aside, as it were).

I unknowingly started this challenge(?) on the 14th of November, which was the 51st anniversary of Space Oddity being released! So that was an interesting coincidence!

*Lodger, Tonight, Never Let Me Down, Reality, The Next Day, and Blackstar.

**I have not heard any Tin Machine stuff, so I am perfectly willing to listen to them with an open mind, but I know the Fandom at Large™ does not approve, hence the winky face.

5. I keep finding artists on youtube who are young enough to be my children, and who all keep making me wish I could have drawn as well as they can when I was their ages (most recently: a 21 year old and a 19 year old). I occasionally don't think I can draw as well as them now, either, but I know that that is me feeling insecure about my art because that's how I've been feeling for a flipping decade now! (I'm working on it, but it's taking its sweet time).

6. There is no number six!

My extra wisdom teeth are playing up again, so I am even more sleep deprived than usual! \o/

Admittedly, this is the worst it's been since April (when I had a sinus infection as well, because why not), but I keep feeling like this shouldn't be happening at all. I have such a hecking rant coming up for my dentist when I eventually get an appointment. (They've reopened, but they're working on the backlog of appts, and I wasn't due till June, apparently. So who knows exactly when I'll get there. I could call for an emergency appt, but there's not really a lot they can do apart from poke around and go, "hmmm," and likely blame it on something that isn't extra teeth).

Anyway, yeah, didn't sleep well the night before last. Last night I went to bed early, woke twice. The second time I decided to take paracetamol and play some FFV till they kicked in. Which thankfully they did! Paracetamol doesn't always work for me; turns out this is really common! I've got naproxen but that made me sick a f the one time I did take it, so I've avoided it since. And you're supposed to take it with food, but if I can't eat because my mouth hurts...

I cleared the Pyramid of Moore while I was awake, although I ended up just beaning it to the end and using Zeninage WAY too much because my DS battery decided it was out of charge. I do have a save from inside, so I might go back and do it "properly" later today (though Zeninage is so good for cheesing, but it feels like cheating, which I guess it is).

In slightly better news, however, I managed to get my meds switched back to what they were before, which \o/ I don't think I really mentioned it, but I had a lot of horrible side effects with the replacement ones, including my migraines being worse! Which is fabulous! (not) So I'm really glad to be back on the previous ones.

And talking of migraines, I had a bad one when we had a storm last weekend, which was delightful (again, not). I get the feeling that weather induced migraines are just going to be A Thing now. Also my mum was around my age when she started getting them really badly, so I suppose it's just one of those things that run in the family.

This feels like it has been a very negative entry! Another positive thing that has happened is I got more pay than I was expecting because of the overtime I did last month. I'd worked it out to one figure, but work said it was more than that, so that was a nice surprise!

Anyway, I think I'm going to go and nap now. Hopefully, I will have more positive things to say next time!