all made up with nowhere to go

Bullet points because I don't do coherent segues!

# I am not going to talk about how many hours I am working this week, suffice to say it's ridiculous. One shift was my own fault for taking it on, but the rest were not.

Maybe I'll whine about it next week.

# I was supposed to have counselling today, but I got a text from my counsellor very early on saying she was sorry, but she had to postpone our session because she wasn't feeling well. Which is fair! And also I'm relieved, because I didn't have anything specific to talk about, apart from telling her how my new meds are going. I'm hoping next time I speak to her, I will have a bigger update for her/something else to talk about, hopefully.

# I'm changing my mind about what I want to do with (some of) the walls in my house - I was originally going to wallpaper upstairs and paint downstairs, but now I think I might just paint the lot? Especially because I think the colour I picked for the hallway has been discontinued??? I have one can of it, but that won't be enough for all the walls that will need doing.

But it's annoying, because they've literally made this colour FOR YEARS, and now I choose it as the one I want, I can't get it anywhere!

(There is a similar colour by the same company, which hopefully is still in production, so I can get that, but I am currently very >:( at it all).

I don't know what I will do with the wallpaper I haven't used, though. (I did think about partially papering the front bedroom, but idk right now).

# Wyrdwood season 2 starts on Friday! I am very excite!! I won't get to watch it till at least Sunday evening, but I am excite all the same!

In which this has been a week:

~ I rode my bike to work on New Year's Day, as there were no buses. I did not ride it all the way, and I could not ride it home (because gentle yet deceptive gradient, boo). So I had to walk with it almost all the way. Also it was raining.

~ I injured my right ring fingertip on some metalwork while cleaning on Friday evening, and it obviously hasn't healed properly yet because it's on a fingertip of my dominant hand, so I keep catching it on stuff and setting it off bleeding again. Fun times!

~ And then! It snowed on Saturday night. Which, again, meant no buses because although the main roads were clear, because of the diversions, nothing could get into town (or drivers, probably, depending on where they live).

I checked to see if I had messages from anyone else about whether they were going in. I did not. So foolishly, I set off walking. In three inches of snow. For three miles. While it was still snowing.

Anyway, tl;dr version: nobody else in my dept had come in, so it was open, but it was extremely bare bones because there was only me.

And then I had to walk home because there were still no buses, and I didn't know if taxis were running, and I couldn't be arsed to find out. Also it was raining. But I was going home, so I didn't mind so much.

It was so weird, though, because there were so few people/not a lot of traffic around, it felt like being in some strange, post-apocalyptic environment. Like, there were signs there'd been life here, but there wasn't much evidence of it. (Work was, well, work. Just with less people than usual - both coworkers and customers).

I'm glad I've got today and tomorrow off, though, because although I don't feel as shit as I was expecting to, I don't feel great, so at least I can just bimble around the house and not do too much.

#

In other news:

~ I rewatched all of Oxventure Wyrdwood, and now I want to rewatch it again, heh. It's given me a mighty craving for all things folk horror-y (I mean, it had already but now it's really intense). I am currently watching Golden Rodent play Balatro, however.

~ Me and Sarah hung out for a bit last week and got spooked by a goat just staring at us (I mean, of all the farm animals it could have been, and while I was telling her about Wyrdwood as well!)

~ I bought an air fryer instead of a new microwave. I figured I didn't use the micro that much, whereas I use my oven/stove more, and would like to cut down on my (frankly ludicrous) gas bill.

I have next to no idea what I can do with it (yet), but I am looking forward to maybe getting back into baking again, and also perhaps making slightly more complex dishes than I do currently.

~ I bought and started playing Persona 5 Tactica. I am about three hours in and have few thoughts beyond "art style is cool", "I like Erina (and her costume design)" and "Toshiro needs a good slap upside the head because he is, in part, a predictable Japanese male character".

#

I think that is everything for now. I can't be arsed doing a post summing up 2024. It was pretty shit for the most part. I'm glad to see the back of it. Hopefully 2025 might be better, but honestly who knows.

Had a hell shift at work the other evening but, on the flip side of that, a lady who told me she was getting chemotherapy thanked me for treating her like a person. I was kind of flabbergasted by that, but I said I always try to be nice to people (except I worded it terribly because I wasn't expecting her to say that).

So that was a lovely surprise, and I'm sorry for that lady that people haven't treated her better.

Also I find it hilarious that the younger people (early to mid twenties) I work with consistently keep forgetting how old I am, because I apparently don't look it, and I presumably don't act like whatever their idea of someone in their early forties should act like. I mean, maybe I am a bit immature for my age? WHO KNOWS.

Anyway, I've got one more day to work before I'm off for a whole five days! And it's not even booked holidays, I'm just not scheduled in.

~

In other news, I got a craving to rewatch Outside Xbox's Hitman videos.

Now. I'm not saying bad things happen when I do this but, uh, the first time I binged all the videos over Xmas 2019/New Year 2020, then Covid happened (I ended on the Patient Zero scenarios, so, uh, yeah). And then the next time I binged the streams over Xmas 2020, then there was another (third) lockdown in the UK for three months so, um, I'm hoping luck in general has changed.

~

I've got nothing else to say at the moment, but this is probably the last time I will be online before Xmas, so I hope everyone has a lovely time, whether you celebrate or not, and I'll see you on the other side!

You know, I realised that on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday next week (AND the week after!), I do not have to go anywhere or do anything and omg the relief that washed over me when I realised that.

Delightful.

I seem to have been doing SO MUCH the past few weeks, and I've found it exhausting. I had to take Jazz to the vet for her 6 month check-up yesterday and, by the time we left the house, I felt like I was running on fumes. I feel better now, but blerrghhhh not a fan.

(Jazz is fine, btw, she's just put the weight back on that she lost last year, and I fully admit it's probably my fault for giving her too many biscuits).

Anyway, I have the final question for the Post Once A Day Meme, and you will not be surprised in any way to discover that it is late!

It is from lassarina, and she asks: What (in your own opinion) makes a good streamer?

Pretty much it boils down to someone who is engaging with the game and their viewers. I'm not going to say enjoying the game, because I have watched some people play games that they are clearly not enjoying - Aoife playing Stranger of Paradise springs to mind, for example, as she was having a terrible time with it, but I still watched the entire stream. I think what I mean by engaging with the game is that they're not just playing it for the views? Like they don't look bored, they at least look like they want it to improve (if it's bad), or they are enjoying themselves, or some kind of middle ground.

I like people who acknowledge their chat commenters (and regular commenters), but don't spend the entire time reading the chat instead of playing the game - one thing I like about the Oxboxtra and Eurogamer streams where it's more than one person is that someone can be playing the game, but someone else can keep an eye on what people are saying. Although shout out to Luke during Ellen's Dark Souls streams for saying from the start that nobody is looking at the chat and will not respond to them (because we know what DS fans are like, right?)

I don't like people who mess around in games a lot - if I want to see that, I can do it myself. I've had a hard time watching some streams that Ian from EG has done on his personal channel, because it's clear he just wants to muck about for a bit instead, and he has every right to - it's his channel and he can play a game how he pleases. I mean, sometimes I can take it, but not a lot of the time.

I don't watch art/craft streams so much (although shout out to Doodle Date, my 100% favourite Youtube channel! because I do watch their streams), although if I did it would be the same sort of thing. Someone who's enjoying what they're doing, and not being an idiot just because they've got an audience. And not doing a thing just because it's popular and will get them the views.

Oh, oh, AND: most importantly: somebody who doesn't ragequit because they got a game over/lost on a level/lost a match/etc. I don't watch people who do that, but I know that that kind of game streamer exists. It strikes me as quite childish, tbh. I mean, I have thrown my controller once, but I only did it once, and, honestly, I don't see what the point is. Not like you can't do it over, is it?

(And I appreciate people who grind levels off stream, even if they get accused of "cheating" when they do it).

I think that's everything! No-one I watch on yt is perfect at streaming (sorry), but I enjoy watching them all the same.

It was my nephew's tenth birthday the other day, and honestly w t f where have those last ten years gone?

~

Anyway, the rest of this entry is going to be about music!

First of all, so as I am sure y'all are aware, Youtube does this thing where after a set amount of time, it will tell you that you have not watched videos you have watched. I'm sure it has something to do with data protection, but it gets frustrating when I know I've seen something, but I don't particularly want to watch it again.

However, it told me I hadn't seen either of Outside Xtra's list videos about times video game music blew their minds. I have. The first one was posted mere days after my birthday in 2019, so it felt like a weird birthday present at the time, even though it absolutely wasn't. So I decided to watch them again.

Now. I don't know if you know this, but I absolutely love music. If you do, apologies for repeating myself.

So while I was watching these two lists, I compiled a list of my own of stuff I liked that I wanted to listen to RIGHT THEN.

And then. Well, then, my friends, I somehow, four hours later, ended up with a list of my own of stuff I liked from video games I liked/had played/etc. It is a very long list. There are fifty, if not sixty plus tracks on there. I decided that I would like to share it with y'all. I just need to type it up.

I'm going to post it as a free to all post on ko-fi. There will be no links to anything, so you'll have to go and look up the tracks yourselves (although chances are for at least some of them, you will probably already be familiar with). But I love music and I wanted to share!

(Also: not gonna lie about thinking about future lists - this one is Random Shit I Like, but future ones might be Chill Stuff or Creepy Stuff, or whatever else I can think of. And also not necessarily game music).

And then the other thing is that two years ago (approximately), I bought myself a new stereo. It has a USB input, to which you can slot in a memory stick full of music, and it will play it. (It will also play MP3 CDs, but I must admit I haven't actually tried that out yet. I should!)

And I had a 16Gb memory stick lying around that I had bought to save screencaps from my PS4 on. Except it never got used. So I filled it full of music, and sometimes I plug it into the stereo, and I listen to music and I am happy.

(I'm also still trying to get back into the groove of being able to use a stereo again, which I know sounds daft, but it is a thing).

And then yesterday, when I was loading some more music onto it, I realised that hey, if I can plug it into the stereo and listen to stuff, I can also plug it into the laptop and listen to stuff! GENIUS! And thus, that is what I did this morning, and it has been glorious. Although I am after an alternative music program than Windows Music Player (as always). I downloaded one called Musicbee, which I've never heard of, but thought I would give a go!

~

In news I thought I would never say: because it's ~a year since I played FFXV, I am feeling weirdly nostalgic about it, and I don't know why!

(Last night I watched a Eurogamer video where Ian and Aoife were playing the FFXV VR fishing game (?!) that came out in 2017, and at one point where Ian mentions something about plot in this game, Aoife says, "well, there wasn't much in the main game," and it kind of pleased me that she acknowledged that. I mean, IDK how she feels about the entire game these days, but basically I'm glad I'm not the only one irritated by this).

# I have eczema on the side of the knuckles of my right index and middle finger, and I have no idea what triggered it re: contact, so I can only assume it is stress-related, sighs. FUN.

# I have been drawing trees, mostly, this week, and enjoying it! Turns out even if you think you know what a tree looks like, you don't. I have also painted some card with acrylic paint for collaging because a) I haven't even touched the new paints I bought over a month ago(!) and b) I found a video on yt where someone had done just that. And it is something I've thought about, because I've got a book that suggests doing that, and also: those gelli plate prints I did back in January(!!)

(I'm mad that I was so excited to get that plate and then I've used it exactly once since I did).

# I'm going to move my print on demand stuff from Redbubble to Society 6. I've been thinking about this for a while. Not because I think I'll earn more on S6 (I'll probably have as much interest as on RB, which is to say not very much at all) but, in part, because RB suspended a friend's account on there, and refused to reply to his requests as to why that happened, or reinstate his account.

So I'll probably work on that this month, and close the RB account at the start of October.

# Talking of selling stuff, I updated my ko-fi shop with some new prints! There are frogs! And mushrooms! And other stuff as well!

# On Friday, Jane streamed a game called Bear and Breakfast, wherein you play as bear called Hank, who runs a B&B in the woods. It is adorable. And just what I needed after Life is Strange, tbh.

# Although, talking of Life is Strange, I have been continuing with the series.

I watched Aoife and Johnny play Before the Storm. And I wasn't that into it. Partly because the time frame was WAY too condensed (all that in three days? COME ON. Maybe if it had been across three weeks). And I didn't like Rachel. It was nice to see her being alive and stuff, but I didn't get why Chloe found her so awesome. I also still don't really like Chloe.

There were some good bits, though! Mostly with Chloe and her dad (although the one part was a gut punch I did NOT need). And I did like Steph a lot, and I'm glad she makes a return in True Colours!

And then I started watching Life is Strange 2. I absolutely get what Dontnod are saying and going for with the narrative, but I agree with a comment which someone left on the Episode 2 LP, which is that Sean and Daniel's story is constantly shit stuff happening all the time, and there's only so much of that you can take. Also it having a nine year old child in it, and me having a nine year old nephew make for unfun times in my brain.

So I'm taking this a lot slower, and interspersing it with other stuff (like Jane's stream linked above) instead. Also I absolutely skipped about twenty minutes of the LP of Ep2 because of That One Thing that happens, because I knew it would upset me A LOT. I'm not going to say what it is, but if you've played the game, you know what I'm talking about.

# And that is where I am at right now!

Ok, so. I live in the middle of nowheresville, UK. Yesterday, the temperature in my village peaked at 36°C (~97°F).

It started to drop off pretty swiftly after that (although it was mid to high twenties at 9PM, which is still ludicrous), thanks to a cold front making its way downtown across the country.

I dread to think what it would have been like had I been in a city, or even a big town.

I was able to keep at least the living room pretty cool - yesterday at max temps, it was ~12°* cooler in here thanks to keeping the curtains drawn for the majority of the day, which I had also done on the previous two days. I kept the front facing bedroom curtains drawn the entire time, and I don't know if that helped or not as I don't have a thermometer up there.

I was kind of more worried about Jazz than me. She seemed to be fine, but I gave her extra brushing, since she has really dense fur, and apparently it helps to keep cats cooler because it gets the loose undercoat fur out. I also put ice in all her water bowls, and stroked her with damp flannel from time to time (she let me do it, but I don't think she was into it). She's chirpier today, now it's cooler (a whopping 17°C as I write this!), which makes sense, and also you would be, especially if you had to live in a fur coat all the time.

Also: sleeping with a damp whatever on you is genius! I only wet a flannel, but omg it was amazing.

I have a fan that one of the volunteers from work gave me, but I haven't used it yet. I might do just to clear some of the fug upstairs because it feels horrible up there. I'm glad I'm in a house and not a flat**.

I mostly listened to music on my tablet, or watched Youtube, and did some work on future prints for my shop. This isn't much different from what I usually do, but it also meant I didn't have to move much, or have extra electrics on which would generate heat - my only permanently switched on things are the fridge/freezer and the router, and this is true all year round.

So I survived, but I wish I didn't have to word it like that, and I wish I hadn't had to experience it. Temps in the UK are only supposed to be mid twenties, max (although I'd argue with that, and say it should be low twenties). I want to say I hope it doesn't happen again, but I know it will. I've been watching videos from the weather forecasters saying this isn't going to be a one off. Which. Yeah. Great. Looking forward to that [/sarcasm]

I don't know how to end this part, but I thought y'all might at least like to know I'm okay (I wasn't sure I would be), and that I'm still here.

~

In happier news, Ellen from Outside Xtra streamed Stray, which is that cat game everyone's been going bananas about.

I really liked it, apart from the bits that upset me (but as I am feeling wonky rn, not really a surprise. Also it's a cat). ( SPOILERS! )

And she's going to stream more of it! \o/

~

*I don't know exactly, as what I have in the living room is a "weather station", but the weather predictions are never accurate, and it was a free gift my mum got with something nearly ten years ago, so it won't be amazing quality. But it was WAY cooler and less humid in than out, and that's really all that matters.

**My dad used to live in a third floor flat, and it was bad enough being in there in normal summers, never mind freak ones like this.

I was watching this video about shameless video game ripoffs from Outside Xbox, and Jane, in her infinite wisdom (assuming she wrote this part of the script), came up with the exact description for how I feel about FFXV:

"2013's Unearthed: Trail of Ibn Battuta, to give it its full name, is an action adventure game that resembles Uncharted in the same way that a Wish prom dress resembles the dress in the photo when you ordered it online. Which is to say that it's a massive letdown, has pretty much all the recognisable parts of the thing it's trying to imitate, but each part is, in its own way, much worse."

Yes, she is (obviously) talking about a different game here, and that description feels a little harsh vis-a-vis FFXV now I write it out, but that's still kind of how it feels to me. I wanted a Final Fantasy and got some half-finished nonsense instead. Which isn't to say I haven't enjoyed parts of it, because I have. I wouldn't still be going back to it and attempting to finish it if I hadn't, but the fact that I am at the end, and there is still so much missing from it feels horrible.

On the other hand, Jane and Ellen referencing Ignis' cooking skills in the Animal Crossing update stream made me grin, because I had the same thought.

Again, massive apologies if anyone reading this likes FFXV. As we have already established, I am old and bitter. I also have never had a reaction like this to a mainline game, even the ones I actually dislike. I am one of those people who doesn't really understand why everyone seems to have such visceral reactions to each new instalment. Until now, I guess!

There are things I like about it! I promise! I love the landscapes, and the soundtrack (when I can hear it. I had to turn the music down to hear the dialogue, but now I can't hear the music properly, sighs). I like the item harvesting. The monster design is interesting! (Although Bahamut's design is firmly in uncanny valley for me, esp because you have to spend so long looking at his face). I like driving. I like the weather effects.

But there are way more things I didn't like. Basic things like looking for items being a pixel hunt a lot of the time (and why don't all the things have markers? If they can do it for treasure, why not everything?) And the same with interacting with NPCs, especially if they also have a quest as well as normal dialogue! You should have had the option to click through and get a choice for what you wanted to talk about. They could do it for other options, so IDK why not implement it there also. The run and walk cycles are HORRIBLE, as are the interaction/collision physics. I felt like walking past/into people was like playing one of those games were the physics are ridiculous on purpose.

(I firmly believe some of it is down to directors being changed, and the FNC ties being made less apparent that hurt it, and that's why the story is a mess, but it doesn't explain the interface problems or anything else).

To maybe(?) make things up to you for being such a whiner lately, here's a link to an unpopular opinions thread on the FF games on Reddit, but I honestly don't see how most of these are unpopular! Which is why I'm linking it, as the top comments are positive things about the series that I absolutely agree with!

~

In other, less game related ranting news, I made baked ziti for the first time ever yesterday! Well, baked penne, since I've never seen ziti, let alone heard of it until a couple of y'all mentioned it.

Anyway, it was really good! Part of that was probably down to using a premade sauce rather than making my own, but I really enjoyed it. I didn't have the right types of cheeses, but I wasn't that bothered (I'll eat cheddar cheese on p much anything).

I would definitely make it again, and it was a lot easier than I was expecting! Which is always good!

I've had a really bad cold for the last week or so, which has been fun (not). I went to work last weekend, feeling like absolute ass, and I didn't know why, except that I'd just had a three day migraine, so maybe it was that? It wasn't.

So I've essentially spent two weeks feeling extremely sorry for myself. But I am WAY better now, I promise! And I'm p sure it wasn't anything worse than a cold. (I wore a mask the entire time I was out of the house (as I always do), so hopefully I haven't passed it on to anyone!)

And so, because I was feeling sorry for myself, I took Type-0 out of the PS4, and put FFXII in so that I could play through on Strong Mode, which is the reward for beating the game once normally. And let me tell you, it is hecking hilarious.

What it basically means is that everyone is level 90, and you didn't have to grind anything to get there. It also means everyone hits stuff and they die. Except for the Wild Saurian in the Estersand, but more about that in a minute!

I have spent a lot of time yelling, "VENGEANCE FOR TWENTY SEVEN YEAR OLD ME!!"* as I plough through enemies that I know caused me absolute grief the first time, if not every time I played this game in the past. And I'm having an absolute blast!

(RE: the Saurian. I know from past experience that it is level 25, so I should have no trouble beating it, right? Except that Strong Mode makes it more apparent what weapons work versus which enemies and, when Vaan first goes to the Estersand, he's equipped with a dagger which DOES NOTHING against the Saurian. NOTHING. Also it should've taken out the Tomato in one hit, but part of that battle is scripted).

I'm sure I was thinking of some niggles I have with the Zodiac Age, but I have forgotten them because my brain is essentially going, "GOD I LOVE CID!" a lot right now. I mean, I do. I think he's a great character. I just love that he's having a ball doing what he's doing, and being how he is.

Oh yes, I remember! I don't like that certain item locations are changed, nor that you can only get some of the magic spells out of chests. Nor that the requirements to get the Zodiac Spear have been changed (not that I'm that bothered; getting it once in the PS2 version was enough!)

I'm more onboard with the job system this time, although choosing jobs is hard! Balthier ended up as a time mage again, and Fran is an archer because I have no imagination. I did avoid making Penelo a white mage, though, and she is a monk instead because why not!

I think this is my tenth playthrough [nervous laughter].

~

I found the link to the sewn canvas I was talking about! It's here, although I didn't do the dangly bit, I just sewed straight across my canvas in rainbow colours.

~

Finally, before I go, you may be interested in this video from Outside Xtra, wherein Ellen worked out exactly how much your time is worth when you're playing video games.

I don't play the sorts of games she mentions, but I absolutely found the maths fascinating, and I thought y'all might, too.

~

*I think I first played it in 2008, but I am not 100% sure. I know I was neck deep in the fandom at the time, because I was using it as a way to distract myself from my dad being terminally ill at the time.

Not even back at work yet (that's tomorrow), and I'm already mad at my schedule. I will have to alternate between a four and a two day "week" (because it straddles the weekend). My manager knows I don't like switching days, and yet I have to work alternate Saturdays because we have no other paid staff (yet; I hope this changes soon, and not for selfish reasons). Hence the switching around. Which I don't like, because I am a creature of habit, and I like knowing I am working the exact same days every week.

Anyway, moaning aside, I woke up this morning to discover maybe two inches of snow everywhere! In April! I also discovered it had knocked my rose bush over, so as soon as I was able, I had to go out and fix that. The snow must have melted during the night, but then refroze, as there were clumps of ice on the rose bush, which made it top-heavy, and it fell over. It's really leggy because I am a bad gardener and have no idea how to look after it, and this also contributed to its falling over. I cleared what snow/ice off that I could, and the sun's taken care of the rest. It's looking more upright now, so hopefully it will be okay!

I have also bought myself another fountain pen. A Platinum Preppy, to be precise, and only because it cost less than £5. It is purple, and I bought some more purple cartridges for it. I'm going to syringe refill them with ink when they're empty, as a converter would cost more than the pen (although it's not the only Platinum I own - my friend Rosie gave me one of her extra fine nib drawing ones - so a converter would be worth it for either pen, but maybe when I've been back at work for a bit).

I found this post on the fountain pen subreddit, which feels absolutely like it's calling me out (if you don't want to click, it's basically Massive Pen Collection versus Tiny Amount of Writing, but with a picture, because it's a meme). Also it's not just my fountain pens, it's all my pens. I miss the days where I could just write for hours and hours. I don't know where that me has gone, but I hope they come back one day.

Finally, there was another huge Among Us stream! (this links to Ellen's POV) and they used the proximity chat on the last hour, and it was hilarious and chaotic, and I hope they use it again.