all made up with nowhere to go

My felting kit arrived on Saturday, and I have had a little bit of a dink about with it, and I think I will enjoy using it! Especially if I keep working on the scale I am right now, which is very small. I think I will get a multi needle tool at some point in the near future, but right now a single needle is okay for me.

(I didn't actually really buy it for felting at all, but for using the same way you might use an embellishing machine but a) they're extremely expensive, b) I didn't know if I would enjoy the process, and c) I currently have very little room for one even if I could afford it).

I also got some books from the library about felting, although most of it is either 3D (which I have little interest in), or wet felting, which I don't want to do. But I figured that at least some of the information would come in handy, so I got some of the books anyway.

One of them has multiple sets of instructions for making felt cacti/succulents from pre-made felt, and I am going to make some of them. Because I am nothing if not a sucker for cacti.

(I also discovered some among the random printouts and copies I have of various tutorials when I was going through that folder to get rid of some stuff I was no longer interested in. So there are a lot of fake cacti in my future, it seems!)

(and also maybe that corvid I said I was going to make last summer but didn't get to because what are brains, right).

~

In other news, I have been playing FFXII, to absolutely nobody's surprise (esp if you read lassarina's What Are You Playing Wednesdays posts). I am currently in Golmore, having just beaten the Elder Wyrm on my first try! I am playing it not in Strong Mode, although doing fairly well. No-one KO'ed until the Belias fight, and I haven't had a game over yet, so I must be doing something right!

~

I don't have anything else to add, so I shall end this entry here.

So that week I had off work, I was mostly flattened by headaches or migraines, and it fucking sucked. I mean, they were probably all varying degrees of the same migraine, I don't really know.

And at some point past that, I had a thought that I have had a lot in the last five years, which is that my head feels very full all the time. And my brain went, "Yeah, it's full of migraines." (and other stuff, but mostly migraines, or so it seems right now).

And I thought to myself, I need to do something that isn't me pushing myself to make art.

Because I have been doing that for the past however long.

Now. I had been thinking about looking through my collection of colouring books for pattern inspo, because I'd also had the terrible thought about feeling uncreative that has also plagued me off and on for the last five years. (I suspect it was part of the migraines - one of my symptoms seems to be that my mood crashes, and I'll have a downward mood spike). And then I thought, why don't you just, y'know, colour some stuff in one of them?

And now I have a brand new hyperfixation, thank you very much, brain.

It also wasn't helped by a colouring book haul video I watched on youtube that kept getting recced to me. The thumbnail kept amusing me because it said "Large Adult Colouring Haul" and IDK why but the phrase "Large Adult" just tickles me for some reason.

So then I fell down the rabbit hole of watching haul videos, which is interesting, but also annoying because it turns out people who make colouring book videos are very fussy about how one colours in a book. But anyway. That's where my brain's at at the moment.

I think it is helping, because I actually had a solid idea for drawing something for the first time in forever, although I haven't done anything with it because I just want to colour stuff right now. Which is what I'm doing.

~

In non-hyperfixation news, I moved some stuff around in the front bedroom, much to the bewilderment of the cat. I'd been putting it off because I thought it would take ages, but it literally took half an hour, including vaccing the floor. All I need to do now is find someone to help me put the dryer outside to be taken away. (I don't use it, and it was second-hand when mum got it, so I don't think it would be fair to pass it onto someone else now, as it's likely waaaaaay past its best).

I also still strongly dislike my new phone. It feels clumsy and awkward to use, and I'm p sure that's not just me. It does take nice photos, though.

Okay so it turns out that my current hyperfixation is the Manics. I mean, they are always a fixation, because they are one of my favourite bands, but they are definitely what's giving me the dopamine right now.

So last week, I listened to all the albums I own, which isn't difficult, because I only have the first four, as noted previously. And I skipped The Holy Bible because oooof*. (I did not skip the depressing tracks on Everything Must Go, though).

And then I was like, "I am old enough now that I should give the stuff I automatically dismissed as a youth a chance!" and I spent the remainder of my birthday money buying second-hand copies of every single album they've released since.

Dear friends, there are ten of them. TEN.

I knew all the titles but, somehow, had not added that up to ten in my brain.

Anyway, they're all on their way, except for The Ultra Vivid Lament, which was the only one I found new, but it was dirt cheap for some reason (it's only two years old!)

I am also not going to deny that I also did this in part because I want to hear the stuff that Nicky wrote about Richey. There's not a lot, but I want to hear it.

And then I have also been through some of the stuff I hoarded about them in said youth, and now I am rereading Everything (A Book About The Manic Street Preachers) by Simon Price, and finding it really easy going. Although. There's nothing in this book I don't know as I've already read it/I know the story anyway. So that's probably why I'm finding it so easy to get through. Also it's hitting the dopamine, because this is all I want at the moment.

Well, this and my comfort blanket story that I have been passionately writing since the approximate age of fourteen. The two things go hand in hand, because this story is some of the most self-indulgent id scratching stuff I ever wrote, and I'm not even going to pretend it's anything but that (and why should I).

I mean, like, if you looked at the entire thing, in all its versions, and you knew me really really well, you would immediately be able to see what I mean. And especially if you knew anything about the Manics at all because, ngl, took quite a bit of inspo from them, and I'm not even sorry about it.

So I've been thinking about it while I've had idle moments at work, because mostly I think about writing these days instead of actually doing it.

The story is about one person, but it's told from someone else's perspective, and that's how it's always been, ever since the early days. But. I was thinking about it and then I wondered why it couldn't actually be from the main character's perspective. There's absolutely nothing that says it can't, although I know to some degree why I never considered it before (found it too difficult; main character has some of my more unpleasant personality traits).

And I did some noodling about, and then yesterday I wrote three A4 sides from the main character's POV, and I think we're getting somewhere. (Well, his and his best friend's, because I considered that he also has an important role to play in the story). I'm also going to change the ending so it's more optimistic, and likely change the name of at least one of the characters because I'm not sure it works for her any more (I don't know that it ever did, tbh).

This is the first fiction I've written in five years.

Okay yeah, it isn't anything new, but that's not the point. The point is, I wrote something, I enjoyed it, and I'm probably going to do it again. I'm going to keep going till I get bored with it/distracted by something else.

I also thought about posting some snippets on here for y'all to see, though I am not writing with this intent. I mentioned just over a year ago, about just writing vignettes because that's how my brain works, and if I do any I like, I might share them here. Don't hold your breath, though, because I am making absolutely no promises.

~

*That said, I put it in the stereo in order to listen to This is Yesterday "properly" (i.e. not on my phone), and almost ended up listening to the first half of it just because I was trying to identify which guitar riff I'd had stuck in my head several days previously. But then I didn't because, well, it's The Holy Bible. It's not a good time.

My quilt front is so almost done I can smell it, except that, of course, I got distracted by something else, didn't I?

Which is the pinterest algorithm, to be precise. I actually really dislike it, because it floods your feed with the exact same thing you've just been looking at, and I don't want that! I want similar things, but not the same!

Anyway, I made the mistake of looking up slow stitching. I say it's a mistake because then the algorithm throws me back two textile artists, both of whose work I like. But it does it every single time. You would think nobody else on the planet has ever sewn anything.

So then, because I was inspired by the one person, I went and dug out a load of different coloured evenweave fabric/linen, and now I am reclaiming spare pieces by unpicking the embroidery my mum didn't finish. I sort of feel guilty, but I feel like that about every one of her things I've wanted to use in the last four years, and I think I've even said it before. I think she'd approve, to some degree though. I'm recycling!

(Although the temptation to buy my own linen is Too Real, especially since I saw Hobbycraft have some fat quarters on sale right now).

I am going to get back to the quilt, though, because I have no desire to leave it in the state it's in, and it won't take long to sort out the evenweave (I say, having spent an entire afternoon on it yesterday).

~

I don't really have anything else to say - not much is going on because of the time of year - but I am going to visit my brother and sister in law (and nephew, ofc) tomorrow! So that should be a good time!

~

Finally, I realise it's a bit late in the month to post this, and everyone is doing holiday (or other) stuff, but how about the post once a day meme for me to answer stuff in January?

The rules:

- You don't have to be following me or ever have commented to request a topic.
- If you're doing the meme, I'll leave topics for you, too! Feel free to link me at any time if you want one.
- Feel free to just leave a topic and no date. I'll fill it in.

( days and questions under here )

Bwahahahaha, heck yeah the library is buying Gideon the Ninth!

Which is good, because my fixation on it hasn't quite gone away yet (thank goodness). I mean, I do want to read it, I've been tossing it up for well over a year, I think. Except I haven't wanted to read books for...a long time. Or not had the brain space because blehhhhhhh.

I guess I should maybe ask them to get Harrow now, just in case I like Gideon enough to want to keep reading? I dunno, I'll think about it. I'm probably going to nip in the library while I'm out tomorrow, so I can decide then.

~

I started playing Persona 5 Royal, although I don't know how long I'll continue, since it seems too soon since I last played (18 months!) the original version. And, obviously, I played P5 Strikers in April, so it's entirely possible my brain has had enough of the Metaverse!.

I managed to get all the items you need lockpicks for in the first palace AND ( this is a spoiler )

I see also they have rejigged some of the demon levels - e.g. Angel is now level 9 instead of 12 and appears in the first dungeon instead of the third. And, crucially, DOES NOT HAVE HAMA available to her! She just has Makajama, which is annoying, but not as much as a straight up insta-kill.

Also not a fan of Kasumi, but a) I haven't seen enough of her and b) I am aware that there are people who do like her, so if I decide to rant about her, I'll at least do it behind a cut and warn y'all first.

~

Finally, honigfrosch is running a love meme! Go forth and check it out if that's your kind of thing by clicking the pic below!

I spent most of Friday and also yesterday catching up on Oxboxtra's racing games videos/streams that I'd (somehow) missed, and I regret nothing. I really enjoyed it. Racing games are, like, one of my favourite things. I don't know how or why, but they are.

I must admit that, while catching up on this stream of Gran Turismo 7, every time either Luke or Mike mentioned PP, I did do a little bit of an internal snigger, because I am a twelve year old boy. I assume, as someone else suspected in the chat, that it stands for Power Points, but the game does not tell you this as far as I know. GT5 certainly doesn't (more on that in a minute).

I am unsure how I missed this stream in the first place, as it was on a day when I wasn't working, and I'd enjoyed this Show of the Weekend, in which Mike decided he was going to teach Luke to drive properly in GT7, because Reasons*, which had been uploaded mere days before. No, I did not just sit and rewatch this, oh no, not me. I probably thought I'd catch it later and then just. didn't, for whatever reason.

ANYWAY.

So although I own some racing games myself, most of them are PSX/2 vintage. But when I was given the PS3, it came with a copy of Gran Turismo 5, and a very scratched copy of Grid Autosport. Anyway, I thought I'd try GT5, and it's okay? I had to wait 45 minutes for updates, and then half an hour for it to install to disk (allegedly to reduce loading times, but I'm not seeing a massive difference, tbh. But also it is a 12 year old game installed to an HDD, soooo, yeah...)

I am going to have to remap the buttons so I can drive properly, however - accelerate and brake are mapped to x and square, which means I do what I used to in racing games all the time, which is have accelerate always on, which isn't good!** I actually like the way driving works in Saints Row the Third, which is that accelerate and brake are mapped to R2 and L2 respectively, meaning I learnt to drive "properly" in that, because I wasn't always hammering accelerate. So that's what I'll do. And then I might remap the gear shifts to x and square instead. I've been using automatic transmission cars, so it hasn't been an issue so far, but it will be eventually!

(I'm glad remapping buttons is a thing that exists now, even if I've never done it before, which I haven't. I talk about it, but for some reason I never have).

This doesn't mean I've ditched Ni no Kuni, btw. I've just temporarily been distracted by this other thing! Also it got it got me through a two day migraine that I think was caused by the multivitamins I started taking. Which is annoying, because now I have nearly two months' worth left that I can't do anything with. BUT ANYWAY.

~

I don't have anything else to say, as the migraine took up the majority of my brain space over the last two days, and I haven't done anything remotely interesting since my last post!

~

*It's not completely out of the blue - Mike got Jane into F1 via Drive to Survive, but I don't think her interest goes any deeper than that, whereas Luke has shown WAY more interest in what's going on in F1/cars in general.

**Also I kind of want to do some of the driving licences properly, which teenage me is screaming about, because I never learnt to play games properly, least of all racing ones.

List post, because:

1. These are NOT New Year's Resolutions, but I'd like to do more printing and collaging this year. I enjoy both things enormously, and I'd like to improve my skills in both areas.

To this end, I have already cut two lino prints, but haven't printed them yet, because apparently my brain is in a "let's do fifty things at once!" mode. (My desk is an organised mess right now because of this, heh).

2a. I've been reading so much about junk journalling/watching videos that last night, at some point, I dreamt about saving envelopes to use for something along those lines.

(I do not need to save envelopes; I have an almost hilarious amount of them from my mother, who loved to write letters and send cards to people. That said, I have been eyeing the cardboard boxes I've been putting in the recycling, and wondering what sort of weird shaped books I could make from them).

I am not into junk journalling, except from the book binding and making collages POV. I get it in principle, but I don't think it's for me, unless I make them to sell. Which I totally could! Anyway, I have enough notebooks to use as journals already, and let's not get started on the sketchbook backlog (it is REAL).

2b. I also had the stress dream where I am Claire Redfield and Mr X is chasing me, so that's nice! [/sarcasm] Sometimes it's Jill and Nemesis, but my brain switched to Claire because reasons, I guess? I mean, I had been thinking about RE2 during the day, but only as a fleeting thought. Not enough, I would've thought, for my subconscious to pick it up.

3. Approximately half of my Xmas presents have arrived! I think they tried to deliver my gel plate yesterday while I was at work, so I've had to ask for re-delivery tomorrow. It's either that or the other book I bought.

I want to post pics, but I'm waiting till they all are here first before I do that.

4. Still playing FFXIII, when I am not put off by how loud the fan on the PS3 is. Although that may be down to the vents needing a good clean, as was pointed out to me by someone I chat to on the bus sometimes. So eventually I might remember to do that!

Anyway, everyone except for Sazh and Vanille are in Palumpolum, and for the most part playing this seems really easy? I suppose it's because I'm used to the battle system now (having technically played it to Chapter 11 at least four times), and I know which job suits which person best, so I stack their CP in there first. Although I still find it frustrating that the game assigns a person one of their worst jobs (looking at you, Medic!Lightning and Commando!Sazh) and expects you to be okay with that. But I guess it's teaching you how to use that to your advantage, maybe?

I dunno, I just can't wait till everyone gets together and has access to all six jobs.

5. I thought I had more to say, but I've been sat here, staring blankly at the screen for half an hour, so I'm guessing not!

# I woke up this morning with a migraine, which is delightful (not), but absolutely explains my liquid brain at work yesterday. UGH.

I know this is a precursive symptom AND YET, every time it happens, I am surprised when I feel like a rotten vegetable the very next day.

# Everyone appreciated their Xmas presents, which was great, since I was really whiffly about my brother's and sister in law's. But they were happy, and that makes me happy.

My nephew continues to be adorbs, as almost always.

They gave me money, so now the traditional wondering what to buy with it has commenced! I mean, it's likely going to be things I can be creative with, but the question is what. Though I did also think about getting a couple of months' subscription to Skillshare, but I don't know what classes I would want to take, and then I would feel like I wasted the money if I didn't watch anything. I think part of the problem is that there's so much stuff on there, and you can't easily browse what's available without being nagged to sign up (source: I tried it and that was what happened), and I dislike that intensely - it also annoys me on Pinterest and Instagram. Sometimes I like being able to browse without having to be signed in, websites!

It also doesn't help that my weasel brain is a weasel brain, and so whatever I'm focusing on now may not be something I want to watch a class in, if you see what I mean. And also will I still be interested in the thing if I make a list now but don't look at it until maybe a month later when I finally remember to subscribe? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

# I strung the stretcher from an old canvas to use as a loom, and I am making a rag rug on it! I haven't got very far as yet, but hopefully it won't take too long (as long as I have something to listen to/watch while doing it, because it turns out that's what I need to make certain things not boring!)

# I don't know if I will post again before New Year's, so I hope everyone has a lovely time!

So I've been reading stuff about fountain pens, because that's the hole I'm in at the moment. (No, you just bought two cheap fountain pens off ebay*).

There's a problem that your pen nibs can have that's called Baby's Bottom (due to over-polishing the nib during the manufacture process), and I am absolutely twelve years old, because I laugh every time I see it written down.

Also I think I finally found out what the no-name fountain pen (that I actually really like) is! It is entirely possible that it's either a Jinhao or a Wing Sung, because both companies make grey demonstrators (clear or translucent pens), and both of them look similar to mine! I have no way of knowing for sure, but that's neat that I have some kind of idea now.

I also put a cartridge in one of mum's Sheaffer's** that has a fine ballpoint on it, and it writes like a flipping dream! It started straight away, and it's so smooth on paper, I love it. It's not quite as, uh, buttery as my Kaweco, but it's still bloody good. The only problem I find with it is having a nice paper for it to write on (Pukka Pads paper seems to be the best so far). This is down to a combination of things which I won't bore y'all with (I imagine you're bored enough already, right? ;) )

My Kaweco, on the other hand, writes on everything I've tried it on, without feathering, and that's with the cartridge it came with (own brand), and Diamine Oxblood in the converter I got for it. Which, I suppose, proves that you get what you pay for? Although from remembering using fountain pens when I was younger, I never (iirc) had trouble with ink feathering on paper, and I was using cheap ass pens then because my mum couldn't afford to buy me anything better. So honestly, WHO KNOWS.

Look. I just really like pens okay, and I need to tell this all to someone, because if I tell my friend Sarah I bought cheap fountain pens, she will yell at me (I mean, not really, but also pens are SRS BSNS for her - she recced me the Kaweco, and she owns at least one Sailor, and TWSBI Eco. She doesn't do pens under £10, probably. I will have to ask her one day!)

All of this makes me wish I'd kept using a fountain pen past the age of twenty. I was about eleven when I first started using them (either on my mum's instructions or because other people at school did, and I wanted to be like them). But as I gradually got older, I turned to gel pens and biros instead. The last time I remember really using a fountain pen was when I was copying hieroglyphs from books when I was around twenty. BUT. I'm going to restart using them! Especially if it means less hand pain/stress on my wrist. Not that I write tons of anything these days, but maybe one day I will write more again, who knows.

Okay, time to go and do something else, I think, since I don't think I have anything else to say!

~

*The Jinhao 992 (Sailor 1911 clone), and the 599 (Lamy Safari clone). I partly wanted pens of my own, but I also wanted a cheap one I could use outside the house and not cry (too much) if I lost it.

**There are A LOT, as Sheaffer were her favourite brand of fountain pen.

I will not be getting my minis. It's been a month, and the shop I ordered them from asked me to raise a helpdesk ticket to advise them on what to do, and there was no option to wait a bit longer, then cancel.

So I cancelled outright, and asked for a refund.

I feel bad, but also I think, given the circumstances with the pandemic, maybe they should've marked everything they really didn't have as out of stock, even if they thought stock would arrive soon (which is the only reason I really placed the order).

Also the urge to paint minis has dwindled somewhat. I think I'd still like to have a go at some point in the future, but I'm definitely not all !!! about it like I was back when I ordered these ones. Because my weasel brain has found other stuff to be !!! about instead!

~

A friend on twitter gifted me two ebooks on Amazon, but because she's in America and I'm in the UK, I can't download them! I asked for a refund on one (and got it) but the credit doesn't transfer to my UK account, so I am going to have to put in a helpdesk request with them! I hope I can transfer the credit(s) over because I would actually like to read these books!

(I wouldn't have asked for them off Amazon at all, but the only other option was sending me a physical copy of one of them, and I thought the shipping fees would be horrendous. On reflection, maybe that's the option I should've picked).

ETA: got it sorted! Turns out I had to use a US address so it would let me download them which...I feel really skeevy doing that, but luckily I had a valid one to hand. [/eta]

~

In video games:

# I know I mentioned it on twitter when I saw ads for it (now a few weeks ago) but holy heck there is a Saints Row The Third remaster!!! I can't afford it (story of my life) but it does look good!

# related: I'm not sure how I feel about the Kingdoms of Amalur remaster. Although now I am pleased that I played the original back in November last year, so I got to experience that first.

I kind of get the feeling THQ Nordic are remastering all their properties for some reason, but IDK what it is.

# I started playing FFV Advance yesterday! I am an hour and a half in, at the Pirate Ship Graveyard. Bartz is a Knight, Lenna a White Mage, Galuf a Monk, and Faris a Black Mage. I am sure I will come to regret all these choices, but right now they're okay???

~

Stream!

Ellen unboxes a surprise present from Producer Jon! - this was just like, the most wholesome thing EVER. I nearly cried because it was so lovely (some people, including Ellen, actually did).