all made up with nowhere to go

Last night, not for the first time, I dreamt that the Xenomorph from Alien was really real and it was in my house.

I don't know why I've started having this as a nightmare, because it's not like I've watched anyone play Alien Isolation, or any of the films, because I know already that the Xenomorph scares me, so I avoid it.

So I woke up with my heart pounding, and laid there, terrified. As you do. Eventually I fell back asleep, but you can bet it took me some convincing that actually I'd imagined all that.

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Anyway, it was my birthday yesterday! I spent it under a woollen blanket in my living room, being toasty warm, with the cat sat on me while I alternately played Tactics Advance (in German™) and watched stuff on youtube. Which wasn't too different from a usual day, except for the blanket, and telling myself not to stress about stuff like chores and that.

(I honestly do not know why I didn't think about the wool blanket before, because yesterday was the warmest I'd been all winter, and I didn't have the heating turned up any higher than usual).

This year was definitely an improvement on the last two birthdays. Last year, I spent way too much time stressing about town flooding (which it did, and was nothing I could have done anything about anyway). And the year before I was running on very little sleep and spent most of the day crying, thinking everybody hated me. But yesterday was just chill, and it was sunny for most of the day, so it was just really nice.

(Also Outside Xbox uploaded a Hitman 3 Three Ways to Play video, so that was awesome. Hitmans? On my birthday? It's more likely than you'd think!)

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Finally, Aoife streamed Abzu on this Monday just gone and, while it's not quite as chill as Journey, it is full of fish! All sorts of fish! It's like swimming in an aquarium!
(Though you may not want to watch it if you are afraid of deep water, because there's a few bits featuring the Bottomless Ocean™ and it's mildly unpleasant, even if it isn't real. Also if you are afraid of whales, you might want to give it a miss).

Anyway, I thought it was pretty neat, so I thought I'd share with y'all :)

This week, I have been mostly ill!

I did my last day of work for the year on the 23rd, and I don't go back until the 3rd of January. I was already feeling a bit wonky due to not a lot of sleep, and then, as is customary, I got sick on Boxing Day! \o/

(Me and mum ended up, years ago, saying that it wasn't really Xmas unless we were both ill, so...happy Xmas to me, I guess!)

The weirdest part is that I don't actually feel that ill, but I must be, because two nights in a row now I've slept over ten hours, and my sinuses feel gross. Additionally, I went to Burnley to spend Xmas money and felt fine while I was out, but then not great again the next day. And I have been having ALL THE FEVER DREAMS! Twice I dreamt about Hitman, because I've been watching the Outside Xbox team play it, and last night I dreamt about the end of the most recent Star Wars film, wherein Rey, Kylo Ren, and Yoda's force ghost went for pizza. I am pretty sure this is not how the actual film ends.

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I went up to my brother and sister in law's for Xmas day, and they fed me. They had also invited friends over, which was a change from last year. My bad tooth started giving me aggro while I was eating, though, so that was fun! (I did really want to eat all the food I'd been given but it was a battle).

After my nephew went to bed, my sister in law started making one of the not-Lego sets he'd been given (I think she does this so she can help him out if needed), and I helped her find the pieces, and I had fun! I think making a Lego set is like doing a jigsaw puzzle, in that it's a bit of a challenge, but it's also kind of soothing, and it's an accomplishment when you get it right.

I didn't get any physical presents - I was given Tesco vouchers, and I gave them money. I went to Tesco the day after Boxing Day to find vidya and pokemon plushes, but didn't find either (well, I did find vidya, but there was nothing I wanted immediately). I discovered that Tesco sells sterling silver jewellery and it's really nice/not expensive, so I might go back and get some, IF I can decide what I want.

What I did end up buying was: two notebooks that were on sale; two sets of Zebra metallic gel pens; a set of postcards (also on sale); some iridescent nail stickers; some iridescent fake tattoos; a pencil case with stars on (also sale); and a new bathmat, because I'm actually a boring adult ;)

I have a plan for the one notebook. I decided a bit back that I would make more of an effort in the coming year to write coherently about games. So this notebook is for that, in that I'm going to make notes in it, and probably draft out posts in it, too.

(I mean, not that I needed a new notebook for that, I have plenty of notebooks already that I could've used, but at least I bought it with a purpose in mind? Unlike the other one which I just got because it was in the sale and had a fox on the front of it).

Anyway, I managed to spend bang on twenty quid which, as the cashier who served me pointed out, I couldn't have done if I'd tried. (I really couldn't; I did try keeping track of how much everything cost, but between my brain being mush, and being overwhelmed in general, it didn't happen).

I also bought some cheap Xmas chocolate, and the first Witcher book, but that was not with my vouchers.

1. I had a Resident Evil dream last night. It was so scary, it woke me up. I haven't even looked at anything to do with the remake in days, so I don't know what inspired that (unless I am, as I suspected, slightly ill again). The zombies moved like Heartless, and that was freakin' awful, let me tell you.

I also dreamt about mum, and that was sort of weird. Not horrible weird, but also unexpected.

2. WRT the dentist! I went on Tuesday - I called Monday, and was really surprised I was able to get a next day appointment. Anyway, he had a look at the tooth (and the one above it), and said there's pretty much nothing he can do about it, unless it becomes infected, or carries on giving me grief. He said there's no signs of infection right now, so just to carry on as normal and hope for the best.

I'm annoyed in some ways, but in others I'm relived. I honestly thought the worst, and was fully prepared for him saying he'd have to take it out, and I'd have to pay god only knows how much for the treatment.

On the other hand, in all the poking around he did to check everything was okay, he reaggravated the nerve, so that was fun!

3. I bought a pull along shopping bag, which is getting delivered later, so I can use it when I do my next food shopping haul (likely Saturday; I don't really like going after work Fridays, and I don't want to take it to work with me).

I've actually been wanting one for years, but I'm really fussy about patterns and stuff (and conscious of looking like an Old Person, since it's usually pensioners you see with them. That said, I do know people around my age/younger who use them, so really I shouldn't care. And I'm going to try not to. Because I'd rather not yank my arm out of its socket, thanks). Anyway, this one is flat black all over, and insulated, which is good, because I buy a lot of frozen veggies.

4. I am up to Birth by Sleep in the Kingdom Hearts canon!

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5. I did put a thing here about writing, but it's basically a circular argument I've been having with myself for months, including that I don't know what would be a self-indulgent story for me.

(I've been thinking about it off and on for what feels like years at this point and I really don't know. I guess something with time travel and angst and alternate universe and maybe space travel? I really, really don't know).

The other night, I had a dream where I started watching Critical Role again, but completely skipped the half an episode I have left, and went right on to the next one. Apparently dream me was unconcerned about missing potential plotage in that hour and a half!

I mean, I have been thinking about going back to it now and again (especially since lassarina mentioned grinding in RPGs while listening to/watching it. GENIUS! (I suspect someone said something along these lines in my presence once before, and I replied in the same way and then forgot all about it. Apologies to that person, whoever they were). I find grinding deathly boring, so having something to take my mind off oh crud, not these enemies again would be awesome.

Also this was the first dream where it was legit about the actual campaign, rather than the players and/or stuff my brain decided to invent instead.

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I was reading threads on reddit about Skyrim, and I kept finding ones that say, "oh [thing], I never knew you could do this/this would happen!" and at least two of them, I knew about? I assumed they were common knowledge, because I literally know nothing about the game apart from what I've experienced. But obviously not!

(The answer to this is, of course, that I run everywhere, where most people use the fast travel system. Which I use rarely - I think I've done it, like, twice? and that was only because I couldn't be arsed running back to Whiterun).

I bought myself a used copy of Oblivion, because obviously I hate myself, and the game might very well eat its own save file if I play it for long enough (this is a known bug, and Bethesda did fuck all to fix it). Apparently I tried to play it in 2014, which is more recently than I thought (I thought I played it in 2011, but nope!) and I was most unimpressed. No wonder I waited until I saw Skyrim on sale for (very) cheap before I got it. Anyway, I'm going to attempt to avoid the main quest like whoa, if it is possible.

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I bought a boxset of the entirety of Charmed the other day. I've been whiffling about it for ages now (at least a year), because although it's not the greatest show on earth, it's enjoyable nonsense. Me and mum used to watch it, and a few years ago watched a whole slew of episodes when they were being shown on one of the Sky channels. So I thought, why not? It is, after all, my second favourite magical girl show.

(First being Buffy, of course).

Also, like, there's so little I want to watch on TV these days, and very little my mum wants to watch, so why not have something that we both like and would not mind watching again?

(That said, we just got done watching a Welsh drama called Requiem, which was good although I'm a little disappointed that it ended exactly how I thought it would*. And we're also halfway through watching a Canadian mini-series called The Disappearance, which is gripping me more than I thought, but it isn't like I thought it was going to be. So it's not like there's an entire dearth of things out there, but there's only so many repeats of quiz shows** I can stand watching, and I like quizzes).

Anyway, looking forward to working my way through the entirety of this boxset!

~

Comics meet tomorrow, and I'm feeling a bit tense about it because it'll be the first one I've been to in four months (since I, uh, had an altercation with someone else who goes there). So it's probably going to be a bit weird.

(I would've been at the last two but I was sick on the first one, and then so tired I was pretty much crying all the time. So I decided not to inflict that on other people. Hopefully I will be okay tomorrow).

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*Though I'm glad that it did end the way I thought, rather than the alternative. Sorry for being vague, I don't want to spoil it for anyone.

**We wouldn't even be watching The Disappearance, but that it was trailed a lot one night when we did literally nothing but watch repeats of quizzes on Challenge.

I don't really have much to say, because I'm mostly doing Things, am very tired, and am currently pining.

What I am posting this entry for is to say that I made pasta earlier, and made a sauce for it from bacon, mushrooms, cream cheese (full fat), and some garlic and HOLY MACARONI it was delicious. I think I made a bit too much of both the sauce and the pasta, as I couldn't finish it, but omfg 10/10 will be doing that again.

Also had a full-on Silent Hill related dream for the first time in years. I have no idea what my subconscious is trying to tell me with that.

OK, so a week of noodling with Nethack has ended in me replaying FFXIII for the third time. It's four years since I last played it, wtf.

I must be feeling a little less tolerant right now, because I want shake Hope by the shoulders (I know he gets better, and usually he doesn't bug me, but...I'm feeling like everything's getting on my nerves right now).

Sazh is the best. I am lol-ing every time he calls Snow a kid, because my brain reads Snow as an adult (I forget how old he's supposed to be. FF Wiki says 21, so same age as Lightning. So I guess he's an adult). But then Sazh is 40, so I suppose yeah, to him Snow is a kid. (Though it did throw me when he said he felt bad about leaving the kid alone, because for a while I thought he was referring to Hope).

I have done all the boss fights on the first go, and died versus random mooks more than I expected. PFFFT.

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Last night I dreamt that my friend Matt had a friend who could turn into a dog. Not for any particular reason, he just could. I think it may have been a chocolate labrador that he turned into. I think I was also buying memory sticks of ridiculous capacities in this dream.

Then I had a dream where there was a ginger cat and it could talk. It was giving me lots of lip because it thought I didn't like it. I told it it was wrong, because I didn't know it, so how could I know if I liked it or not. It was friends with a girl who kept interrupting me, and I had to yell at her to shut up.

*shrugs* I dunno, brains, man.

I had some odd dreams last night, so I'm going to post about them.

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I have been listening to playlists of relaxing video game music on youtube. They've not always worked, because sometimes I get bugged out by anything "jangly" (chimes, certain piano sounds), but more often than not they've been good. And it's got me to listen to music from soundtracks I might not otherwise have considered, such as some from Donkey Kong games, some Mario, and some Kirby (which I just haven't heard because I still haven't managed to play a Kirby game yet!)

Essentially this is fuck yeah, soothing playlists! I started with Animal Crossing and just kept clicking on "next in the playlist" or a suggested video and here we are a week later. (The New Leaf soundtrack is super chill, if you haven't heard it. I just kind of melted into goo when I listened to it).

(Talking of music, I made a playlist on YT of music that reminds me of summer - I'll have to see if I can link it here, if you're interested?)

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I won't be going to see the comics guys tomorrow :( because Real Life has happened, and I can't. I'm OK, it's just Stuff™. I'd already made my peace that I might not be able to go anyway, so I'm not super mad, and hope I can go to the next one! (Though I am kind of bummed, because it's literally the only social life I have at the moment. But never mind! There's always next month!)

On Monday, I went and did some shopping in Burnley. I happened to go in a bunch of charity shops, since Jackie had said there's some good ones. In the best one, which also happened to be the biggest, I found a Point Horror book for really cheap. I was supposed to be buying books for other people, not myself, but I couldn't resist it. (And I did manage to find one book for my mum, so it wasn't a total failure).

But it got me thinking about some things, namely how I am a big wuss, and I jump at my own shadow sometimes (you think I'm joking. I'm not). And yet. I think I probably read most of the Point Horror books when I was a teenager ( Read more... )

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The cinnamon rolls turned out well! Even mum said so!

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I'm chugging away through The Last Remnant. I am at a part I do not think I saw before. It is infesting my dreams, as I had a dream about someone called Irina, who was not Rush's sister. So. That was a thing.

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*There are two SUPER OBVIOUS reasons for this, which I won't mention because they're also SPOILERS. If you're not bothered about things like that, check out a summary of the book. One of them is an obvious thing because I have a tag about it, the other you possibly wouldn't get unless you know me really well or I've told you about it. Or it's a more obvious thing than I think it is (entirely possible).

**I've known this for nearly as long, since in 1998, a search online would bring up more results for the Star Trek character from whom the writer took his pseudonym.

Films watched recently:

# The Sword in the Stone (still convinced Neil Gaiman referenced the wizard's duel from this in Sandman)
# Danny and the Human Zoo (based on Lenny Henry's life)

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Still playing Lightning Returns, and now into a new game plus, because whoops I ran out of days.

I have beaten every boss so far, up to ( spoilers! )

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I dreamt about the zombie apocalypse the other night. That was not fun.

~ I'm reading Halo: Cryptum by Greg Bear, and it's all right! I don't think that anyone coming to it not knowing anything about Halo would get anything out of it, but I know some and I think it's OK? Apart from the author having no grasp of the subjunctive whatsoever, but eh. That's a minor niggle, compared to the last book I tried to read, and the last book I actually DID read.

~ I have sorted my worst ever world state for DA:I. Not only that, but I'm going to attempt wreck as much shit as possible, just to see how badly wrong it can go (except for mage boyfriend shenanigans, because MAGE BOYFRIEND).

(It's going to be bizarre. It's also my only world state where both Anders and Loghain are alive. Everyone else that can die has done so. Yeeeeahhhh).

~ I've been doing lots of writing and yaaaay, but mostly all I want to do is write about my story's OTP (because I totally have an OTP for my own story, I mean why the hell shouldn't I? It's my bloody story!) None of it will make it into the finished thing because ninety percent of it wants to be smut, and the remaining ten percent is made up of arguments (or the like) and yeah. (I mean occasionally I do write the rest of the story - I've got the ending done already - but right now I just want to write these guys being fluffy? Because I can, and I want fluffy things right now).

~ I had a dream the other night where I was out on the moors with some friends. We got this place where rocks rose up from the landscape, to an almost impossible height, except they spiralled around, and joined together near the top, but you could see the sky through a gap. It made me feel dizzy looking up at them, but at the same time it was really kind of awesome.

I don't know why, but it made me think I've been playing too much Dragon Age (is that possible? There's people who've played the game(s) more times than me, right? And to a bigger degree of completion - I lose the will to continue once I sort of get to the Emerald Graves/Exalted Plains. Anyway, there's nowhere actually like that to my knowledge in-game).