all made up with nowhere to go

I am on the last day of a week off work! I woke up late every single morning but today, because of course I did.

I actually think I've been a bit ill, as one night I zonked out for ten hours (unheard of, usually), and my lymph glands under my arms were a bit tender on a couple of days. And going out to do a food shop during the week wiped me out for the rest of the day*. I didn't feel ill beyond that though, which is a blessing. I did have a wicked migraine on one day, which bled into a regular headache the following day, so maybe the exhaustion was a precursor of that, IDK.

So I haven't really done a lot while I've been at home, but that's okay. I was already exhausted from work as it is, so I knew I needed to not push myself so much to get stuff done. Also I've got more time off coming up, and I can get things done then, instead.

I have done a bunch of sewing, after a feverish few weeks drawing. I scanned some art the other day, and realised to my horror that I have not scanned anything since APRIL, and therefore have not updated my sketchblog since then. But I haven't really been drawing, and anything else I've made, I haven't really thought is worth sharing. Which is terrible, but true. Also I dunno, sometimes I felt I haven't had the energy, and really I don't know where the last six or so months went.

I have also referred myself for counselling. I don't know if I need it, but it was suggested to me during another medical appointment that it might be a good idea, so I'm going to give it a go!

I also arranged to meet up with my friend Sarah for a natter on Thursday! She said literally years ago that we ought to hang out more, and I've been putting it off ever since, because I didn't want to bother her or I knew she'd be busy outside of work. But I finally did it! There's some stuff I want to talk to her about because, although I've mentioned it to the people I work with, she knows me better than they do, so I expect she might have something different to say about some of it.

And finally, I started watching Oxventure again! I know I don't talk about it like I did Critical Role, but that's partly because I stopped watching it about eighteen months ago, and I don't really know anyone else who watches it, so I don't feel like I need to make comments about it. And, as I said, I stopped watching some time last year when I got Really Fucking Depressed.

Which was daft, in retrospect, because literally nothing had changed except the production values, and added guests on occasion. I did carry on watching the one-shots, when I thought I'd be interested, but I didn't finish watching the original Oxventure, and I don't know if I ever will.

But I started again with the new campaign (Wyrdwood), partly because I was interested to see what was going on, and partly because it turns out I miss watching nerds playing D&D**. Anyway, it turns out this is absolutely up my alley??? Like the setting and the goings on and so on??? And, of course, everyone playing is still the same, and it still feels the same, and it makes me happy.

So now I have that to look forward to every Saturday! (It goes live on Friday evenings, but I can't be arsed to watch it live, so I will watch the VOD the next day).

And that's pretty much everything for now. Back to work tomorrow!

~

*Although some of that was also down to do some very mentally taxing (but ultimately good) things that needed doing.

**I don't think I'll ever go back to Critical Role, though. Which is kind of sad, but hey ho.

A list post, perhaps:

# Okay so the tl;dr version of the last few weeks is that work has been exhausting for no reason anyone can think of. Even my line manager, who has been there eleven years, said she didn't know why it was so busy lately. It isn't meant to be at the moment.

# My friend Jackie and one of our mutual friends helped me take a bunch of stuff to the local tip at the weekend. It isn't even all the stuff that needs to go, but it was a fair bit, and now I can do a sigh of relief that it's gone. And then figure out what I need to send next.

# One of the things that went was my microwave, so now I don't have one again. It had started burning food in the middle, and some of the paint had come off in the inside, so IDK, it felt a bit unsafe to use? I didn't even really use it that much anyway, so I might not miss except on evenings when I am home from work late, I guess.

I thought about getting a new one, but I'm going to wait till after pay day if I do. Although at least two of the people I work with rhapsodised about their air fryers to me the other day, so I don't know if I might get one of those instead (or maybe as well as? I don't have a lot of counter space, so I feel like it should be an either/or, really).

# One of the things I have been meaning to link to for ages is Luke Westaway's playthrough of Dark Souls (But Randomised!) (link goes to the first video)

I am watching it because I love Luke anyway (he made me very sad by leaving Oxtra, but let's not talk about that and, instead, mention that I am happy he is doing stuff on his own channel). But also I am watching it with a morbid fascination, because I still cannot believe he looked at Dark Souls and went, "Wait, how can I make this harder for myself???"

# Talking of people I like streaming video games, Johnny Chiodini decided to replay Strange Horticulture, which is a neat game set in fantasy land Cumbria, wherein you sell plants to people, while mysterious goings on are happening!

They said they might finish it on stream this time, and I hope they do, but if not at least I know there are other playthroughs out there to watch this time around.

They also streamed a game called Crow Country, which someone in the chat described as Playmobil Silent Hill, and now I can't not mentally refer to it as that. Anyway, it's a game in the vein of early Resident Evil games, but with the model aesthetic of OG FFVII and I'm liking it so far. I wasn't sure I would when I first heard people talking about it, but I'm glad I gave it a chance.

# I have made both the cushion cover and the blind I was intending to do, so I am super happy about that. I also got two books out of the library, one of which has a pattern for a plush cat, and the other one has a pattern for a plush whale, and you bet I am going to freaking make those. I've wanted to make one of those denim whales from an old pair of jeans for YEARS but kept putting it off because I either didn't have the material or the confidence. But now I am going to! After I make the small one from the book.

(Because I am an adult and ofc what I need is more plush animals sitting around the house. Of course it is).

# Think that's it for now! Off to do some washing and sorting, though maybe not in that order.

Aoife is leaving Eurogamer! :(

I wouldn't have even found out, but I clicked on their stream of FFVII Rebirth because I didn't know what else to watch (and I've mostly given up thinking I will see spoilers because generally the story is the same as OG FFVII. Also no, I do not want to know how it differs. Also I clicked because with it being only on the PS5 my chances of playing it are slim to none).

Anyway, I am sad because I don't know if you've noticed, but she is my favourite person on the team. I hope she does amazingly wherever she's going from here.

~

The rest of this post is some bullet points:

# I just started Virmire in ME1. I have nothing further to add to that, but if you know, you know.

# I have had my bluetooth headphones for about six weeks and, while I am still not the biggest fan of them, I am pleased that I have not had to recharge them yet. I mean, maybe I'm not using them enough (probably not as I don't use them in the house at all), this is a point in their favour.

# My book about Boro came! It is not exactly what I thought it would be, but I am very excited to look through it properly (I haven't had a chance yet as I've been at work) as it looks very interesting anyway!

The new washing machine is here! And it works and everything! (As it darned well should!)

I got up at 6am yesterday, because the site I ordered from let you know between 6:30 and 8:30am when your delivery is due, and the last time I ordered from them, they told me at 6:30 that it was coming at 7, so that was a nasty surprise. But this time I was prepared. So I got up and made sure everything was sorted, and the delivery email said it would get here between 9:30am and 1:30pm, so I got to spend a lot of time hopping around the living room feeling very anxious.

They eventually came at ~11:30, and were gone by 11:45, which was bloody amazing, frankly.

The only gripes I have is that the one guy pushed the washing machine too far back, so the outlet hose got kinked, and that the other guy was very ignorant, and carried on a conversation he'd been having about dog food evidently before they even got to my house (and more or less ignored me the entire time). But it was 900% a better experience than last time, so I am absolutely not complaining.

I was only without a washing machine for three days, but oof did I feel it. I put on a load after they'd gone, and because of the outlet pipe being kinked, it caused an overflow in the pipe that connects to the sink outlet. Which was delightful, of course. But it wasn't a bad overflow, so it was easy to clean up, but I would have rather not had to do it at all.

But now I have a fancy new washing machine, that I can talk to with my phone! This is optional, but you can choose different cycles from the in-built ones, and see how much time is left on the cycle, etc etc. (You can also see on the machine itself how much time is left, and I know this is not a new thing, but I appreciate that a lot. The old one didn't have anything like that).

~

So after I made the book wrap, I realised I'd sort of run out of things to make (despite having mentioned things here and so on, but I think my brain's just on one at the moment), so I made a coaster and some other bits and pieces in the same fashion. And now I am in a "feeling uncreative" funk again. I know it's probably just because I'm feeling very tired at the moment, but ugh, I wish it wasn't happening. I know it'll pass. I'm just venting.

I got out the book that I borrowed from the library that has the felt succulents in it, so I am going to have a look at that later for some inspo. I even bought some felt with my Xmas money that is in a colour set called Succulent, so if that isn't perfect, I don't know what is. I got the felt before I borrowed the book, just because I liked the way the colours went together, so it's sort of coincidence that I have the two things at the same time.

I think the last twelve months have just done a bit of a number on my brain, and it's taking me time to get back around to how I was feeling before that. I mean, I felt shitty before last January, but not as shitty as I did for the majority of 2023 until now. BUT ANYWAY. I'm sure I will work myself out of this. I've done it before, and I can darned well do it again.

~

Finally, I am watching Johnny Chiodini play through a game called The Tartarus Key, which is an escape room type game with PS1 style visuals (so right up my street, really). I bounced off it initially, because I realised (although I think I already knew) that, in a lot of cases, I have to be in the right mood for Johnny's streams. I like them as a person in general, but sometimes they just wind me up and get on my nerves, which is what happened to start with. But then I came back to it a couple of days later, when I was feeling tired and teary, and IDK everything was fine? Like I even laughed at a couple of jokes they made, where on the previous day, I'd been like, "Ugh, stop being such a fucking fool!"

Anyway, I recommend it! I think a few of you would like it, since some of you like puzzle games (though IDK how you feel about escape rooms), and I thoroughly recommend that you go in blind. It's more fun that way! Also I couldn't find any spoilers on the internet but I didn't try hard enough, lbr. But yeah, I deffo think it's a neat game and I've liked what I've seen so far.

My felting kit arrived on Saturday, and I have had a little bit of a dink about with it, and I think I will enjoy using it! Especially if I keep working on the scale I am right now, which is very small. I think I will get a multi needle tool at some point in the near future, but right now a single needle is okay for me.

(I didn't actually really buy it for felting at all, but for using the same way you might use an embellishing machine but a) they're extremely expensive, b) I didn't know if I would enjoy the process, and c) I currently have very little room for one even if I could afford it).

I also got some books from the library about felting, although most of it is either 3D (which I have little interest in), or wet felting, which I don't want to do. But I figured that at least some of the information would come in handy, so I got some of the books anyway.

One of them has multiple sets of instructions for making felt cacti/succulents from pre-made felt, and I am going to make some of them. Because I am nothing if not a sucker for cacti.

(I also discovered some among the random printouts and copies I have of various tutorials when I was going through that folder to get rid of some stuff I was no longer interested in. So there are a lot of fake cacti in my future, it seems!)

(and also maybe that corvid I said I was going to make last summer but didn't get to because what are brains, right).

~

In other news, I have been playing FFXII, to absolutely nobody's surprise (esp if you read lassarina's What Are You Playing Wednesdays posts). I am currently in Golmore, having just beaten the Elder Wyrm on my first try! I am playing it not in Strong Mode, although doing fairly well. No-one KO'ed until the Belias fight, and I haven't had a game over yet, so I must be doing something right!

~

I don't have anything else to add, so I shall end this entry here.

I have been sorting through fabric again - this time I went through some of my stuff, and managed to find some fabric that I have literally had since I was a kid. But I evidently never used it for anything. But that is going to change now!

I've gone through all the stuff I have that was mum's and sorted out material I don't want (of which it turns out there's a fair chunk, both scraps and massive size pieces). I have been wanting to sort some of it out to make scrap packs, except I've had a cold for the last week, so that's been fun! (not) It's not been bad as colds go, but for most of the last week I've broken out in a sweat every time I've moved, and felt fairly drained, so even something as simple as making piles of fabric felt a bit beyond me.

One thing that I have been doing while feeling gross is making little fabric collages*. I'm testing out ideas for things I can put together relatively quickly, and then mount on a canvas when they're finished. I don't know if anything will come of it, or if anyone will even want to buy one, but it's keeping me amused for now (and also helping use up very small fabric scraps). Also it's more curl up in a chair friendly than paper collage. Or maybe I need a better set up. It's been a few years since I last had a shuffle round in the living room, so maybe I should have a think about that, actually.

They're not pictures of anything, they're just little abstract pieces, but I mean, that kind of fits with the stuff I've been drawing over the last few years.

So yeah, that's what I've been up to lately, apart from all the usual to-ing and fro-ing (bleh). Like I said, I don't think my life is terribly interesting at the moment (has it ever been?) so I'm just not writing about it much.

~

*They're not collages because they're sewn not stuck but I honestly don't know what else to call them. I suppose maybe appliques? *shrugs*

List post, because my brain is minimal rn:


# I was so tired last night that I went to bed early and, according to my activity tracker/watch, managed to then sleep for 10.5 hours. I do not dispute this. I shut my eyes around 8pm and didn't surface again until 6:45am. But I must have needed it!

# I have been put on a one day health and safety course for tomorrow, because everyone who "helping" me look for work is adamant that what I need is More Qualifications.

I am a fan of education, but ehhhhhhhh. I'm not sure a lack of qualifications is what's the problem here (I'm educated to almost degree level, but evidently not in anything "useful", lol).

Anyway, the point is that I have to leave the house at stupid o'clock to get where I'm going, and I don't wanna *stamps feet*

# It's been raining a lot more recently, which I'm extremely grateful for. Temps are now mid to high teens instead of mid to high twenties which, phew.

# I've finally finished all my sewing projects, including one that had been waiting for seven months for me to finish it, so now I don't know what to do with myself! Which is not strictly true, as I do have a couple of ideas, but one of them won't take very long at all (in comparison to, say, the mini quilt which seemed to take forever) and then I'm out of ideas again!

I have been looking through some textile books I got out of the library, and one of them has instructions for making 3D birds, so I thought I might have a go at making a couple of corvids :D (likely a crow and a jay)

I'm also going to go through some of my mum's old magazines again, as some of them gave me ideas when I looked at them originally, but at the time I wasn't really doing much textile work. Who knows what may come of it!

# I think I'm going to replay FFXIII-2, because I've been having a craving. I mean, it's either that or XII again and I'm p sure I don't need to play XII for the eleventh time. And it's been eight years since I last beat XIII-2, so it's about time I redid it. Especially because I keep saying it's my favourite of the three in that trilogy (which it is!)

# I think that's all I've got for now. Time to go and decide what to have for dinner.

List post, because eh:


# I didn't get the other job I interviewed for, and I'm honestly not surprised. I can't get there early enough in the morning on public transport if they want me working silly hours, and they probably would since it was a supermarket.

# Crushes are fucking weird, aren't they? I mean, aside from all the baggage I carry around about Stuff™, which I am not going into here because you don't want to know it. This is, I can safely say, the first time I've really felt like this in six years, and I didn't miss it while it wasn't happening.

# I've been watching some more sewing videos on youtube, partly because all the streamers I watch are playing Zelda (not interested), so now I am making a small scrap quilt, and it is fiddly a f, because the squares I'm working on are 9x9cm, and I didn't realise I could do bigger - although for some of these scraps, bigger than this would be impossible.

I was going to do it in all random colours, because I have a lot of random scraps, but because I am me, it ended up mostly blue. There is a bit of red and brown as well but yeah, majority blue. (Also, like, for someone whose favourite colour was allegedly red, I sure have a lot of blue coloured scraps and material from my mum).

I want to do the same thing with some collage, as well, as I've been making my own collage papers (also inspired by yt) with acrylic paint and plain white card, just so I can see how it turns out.

# AND I want to make some t-shirts that Say Stuff, but then last night when I couldn't sleep, I thought it might be better to customise the one denim jacket I have. Which is a thing I've considered before. Except I tried it on this morning and it feels really tight across my shoulders so perhaps I should donate it elsewhere and find a new one.

I do have a Levi denim jacket that I've had since the nineties, but that's staying as is. The only reason I thought about customising the other one at all was because I bought it for cheap from Primark over a decade ago and idk, it's something I would like to have a go at.

# I like feeling this creative, although it's annoying that I can't do everything at once!

# Talking of which, I have also been doing some writing again! Not a lot, but some is better than none!

I think I've decided I want my art career/path to be a lot more textiles-based. At least, at the moment. I realised the other day that I've barely done any drawing in the last two months and, while it feels weird, I'm kind of okay with that as well.

I am definitely in a textiles hole at the moment, and I've got a whole bunch of things that I want to do (but I can't do them all at once, which is frustrating. I need to write a list before I forget them). And it is something I keep circling back to. Also sewing is easier to do with a cat sat on you. (Yes, I could shoo her off, but I would feel mean).

Also, like, most of the books I've bought recently have been sewing books - those two I mentioned in a previous post came, and I ordered another one with the Xmas money my family gave me. I bought a sewing book in the new year. I keep digging out my mum's sewing books and magazines for inspo. I think this is where things are going, and I am not unhappy with it.

Not that I'll stop drawing, but I've done so much in the last two years, that I am probably due a bit of a break, right?

I don't have any new year's resolutions beyond this, except to get better at doing my ko-fi. It was okay when I started, but then September upended everything (because I was ill most of the month), and I don't feel I've got back on track since. I think I need to start writing when I am going to make updates there (like supply reviews) in my planner, so that I actually do them instead of, well, not doing them. I also want to add a few more rewards. And do those random print packs.

Anyway, I think that's all I have to say for the time being.

I hope everyone has a lovely, cosy New Year's.

My quilt front is so almost done I can smell it, except that, of course, I got distracted by something else, didn't I?

Which is the pinterest algorithm, to be precise. I actually really dislike it, because it floods your feed with the exact same thing you've just been looking at, and I don't want that! I want similar things, but not the same!

Anyway, I made the mistake of looking up slow stitching. I say it's a mistake because then the algorithm throws me back two textile artists, both of whose work I like. But it does it every single time. You would think nobody else on the planet has ever sewn anything.

So then, because I was inspired by the one person, I went and dug out a load of different coloured evenweave fabric/linen, and now I am reclaiming spare pieces by unpicking the embroidery my mum didn't finish. I sort of feel guilty, but I feel like that about every one of her things I've wanted to use in the last four years, and I think I've even said it before. I think she'd approve, to some degree though. I'm recycling!

(Although the temptation to buy my own linen is Too Real, especially since I saw Hobbycraft have some fat quarters on sale right now).

I am going to get back to the quilt, though, because I have no desire to leave it in the state it's in, and it won't take long to sort out the evenweave (I say, having spent an entire afternoon on it yesterday).

~

I don't really have anything else to say - not much is going on because of the time of year - but I am going to visit my brother and sister in law (and nephew, ofc) tomorrow! So that should be a good time!

~

Finally, I realise it's a bit late in the month to post this, and everyone is doing holiday (or other) stuff, but how about the post once a day meme for me to answer stuff in January?

The rules:

- You don't have to be following me or ever have commented to request a topic.
- If you're doing the meme, I'll leave topics for you, too! Feel free to link me at any time if you want one.
- Feel free to just leave a topic and no date. I'll fill it in.

( days and questions under here )