all made up with nowhere to go

Yesterday, I had a few customers give me compliments, and one of them complimented me SO HARD that I stopped what I was doing, and I could legitimately feel my brain buffering. I think he said I was marvellous, and I wasn't expecting it. And tbh, it was way over the top. I'm not that amazing.

But also one lady asked if I'd been ill because she hadn't seen me in a long time, and I thought that was really nice of her! So I explained that I don't always work the same shifts, and was in fact fine.

I don't know what I did to deserve any of that, but I will absolutely take that dopamine hit! :D

~

In other news, I bought a set of Poscas. The pastel set of eight pens, specifically. I have wanted this set since, I'd say, 2018, when I started to see a lot of people using them for artworks. And I had some cash I'd got from selling (another) phone, so I thought why not? I haven't used them yet, because I'm using up the Sharpie ones I already own first, but I am looking forward to getting to them.

I also got a very fine black one for outlines/details, as I have been using a fine Sharpie, which is great - it does what it says on the tin - but I wanted to try out a very fine Posca (also I may have been slightly influenced by an artist I follow on IG, lol).

And at the same time, I got a set of 36 Black Edition coloured pencils, by Faber-Castell. I've wanted these for about a year now. They're meant to work really well on coloured/black paper (or card). I tested them on some kraft card versus the red box set I have, and you can see the difference, and they do live up to what they're meant to do. So I'm pleased about that. Also I got them in a sale, so I'm even happier. (I probably would have paid full price for them, but I thought why not, you know? I was on the site buying Poscas anyway, so I thought I might as well get them at the same time.

I am also crocheting together a bunch of (big) granny squares that either my mum or my gran made, so I can make a massive blanket out of them. I've been thinking about it since I found them, and they've been sitting on the sofa for months waiting for me to do something with them. So now I am.

I will try to remember to post some pics to bluesky, as I am trying to get stuff uploaded there more often. Because there's no point saying I'm an artist and then not posting any sodding art, is there?

~

That's all I've really got for now, life has p much been the same old same old of late.

Okay so it turns out that my current hyperfixation is the Manics. I mean, they are always a fixation, because they are one of my favourite bands, but they are definitely what's giving me the dopamine right now.

So last week, I listened to all the albums I own, which isn't difficult, because I only have the first four, as noted previously. And I skipped The Holy Bible because oooof*. (I did not skip the depressing tracks on Everything Must Go, though).

And then I was like, "I am old enough now that I should give the stuff I automatically dismissed as a youth a chance!" and I spent the remainder of my birthday money buying second-hand copies of every single album they've released since.

Dear friends, there are ten of them. TEN.

I knew all the titles but, somehow, had not added that up to ten in my brain.

Anyway, they're all on their way, except for The Ultra Vivid Lament, which was the only one I found new, but it was dirt cheap for some reason (it's only two years old!)

I am also not going to deny that I also did this in part because I want to hear the stuff that Nicky wrote about Richey. There's not a lot, but I want to hear it.

And then I have also been through some of the stuff I hoarded about them in said youth, and now I am rereading Everything (A Book About The Manic Street Preachers) by Simon Price, and finding it really easy going. Although. There's nothing in this book I don't know as I've already read it/I know the story anyway. So that's probably why I'm finding it so easy to get through. Also it's hitting the dopamine, because this is all I want at the moment.

Well, this and my comfort blanket story that I have been passionately writing since the approximate age of fourteen. The two things go hand in hand, because this story is some of the most self-indulgent id scratching stuff I ever wrote, and I'm not even going to pretend it's anything but that (and why should I).

I mean, like, if you looked at the entire thing, in all its versions, and you knew me really really well, you would immediately be able to see what I mean. And especially if you knew anything about the Manics at all because, ngl, took quite a bit of inspo from them, and I'm not even sorry about it.

So I've been thinking about it while I've had idle moments at work, because mostly I think about writing these days instead of actually doing it.

The story is about one person, but it's told from someone else's perspective, and that's how it's always been, ever since the early days. But. I was thinking about it and then I wondered why it couldn't actually be from the main character's perspective. There's absolutely nothing that says it can't, although I know to some degree why I never considered it before (found it too difficult; main character has some of my more unpleasant personality traits).

And I did some noodling about, and then yesterday I wrote three A4 sides from the main character's POV, and I think we're getting somewhere. (Well, his and his best friend's, because I considered that he also has an important role to play in the story). I'm also going to change the ending so it's more optimistic, and likely change the name of at least one of the characters because I'm not sure it works for her any more (I don't know that it ever did, tbh).

This is the first fiction I've written in five years.

Okay yeah, it isn't anything new, but that's not the point. The point is, I wrote something, I enjoyed it, and I'm probably going to do it again. I'm going to keep going till I get bored with it/distracted by something else.

I also thought about posting some snippets on here for y'all to see, though I am not writing with this intent. I mentioned just over a year ago, about just writing vignettes because that's how my brain works, and if I do any I like, I might share them here. Don't hold your breath, though, because I am making absolutely no promises.

~

*That said, I put it in the stereo in order to listen to This is Yesterday "properly" (i.e. not on my phone), and almost ended up listening to the first half of it just because I was trying to identify which guitar riff I'd had stuck in my head several days previously. But then I didn't because, well, it's The Holy Bible. It's not a good time.