all made up with nowhere to go

Okay so, I had two and a half weeks off work.

I was ill for the majority of that time, so I didn't manage to get as much stuff done as I wanted, which was frankly really fucking annoying. I had migraines or headaches on the first week, and then shitty meds side effects. (It happens from time to time with the one medication I am on, luckily not very frequently, but for some reason this time was The Worst since the time I've been on it).

I had made a to-do list, and I did get the most of that done, but it wasn't as much as I wanted to do. I spent more time watching streams/playing vidya (either Balatro, or Dorfromantik, which I finally bought myself for my birthday). The landing walls, which I had hoped to have papered by now, are still in a state of half-stripped disarray, and I am unhappy about that.

But. I'm not telling myself off about it. I deliberately did not try to push myself when I felt like ass, because I knew I would end up making myself feel worse (either physically or psychologically, or probably even both).

I had wanted to go out on my bike as well, but between the way I felt and the weather (it mostly rained or was cold, or both), I didn't.

Anyway. I had about a week's reprieve, and now I have a sinus infection, so I feel like ass again. I would spend the day loafing around the house today, but that I have to do a food shop and have a blood test later. But luckily that's the most I have to do. (Except for maybe asking one of the tattoo places about my next tattoo, and possibly piercings*, if they do them. The place I got my previous tattoos done does, but the owner prefers online contact to in-person for making appointments and I would rather talk to an actual person!)

So yeah, Dorfromantik! OMG it is the BEST game. It's exactly as chill as I thought (so much so my fitbit thinks I'm asleep when I'm playing it a lot of the time because my heart rate is so low), and it scratches my map building itch. I got really emotional when I first started playing it when I first got to use the tiles with the deer and the beavers, because you can see them moving about in the landscape and I just. I dunno. I just love it. It's a good, chill time. The only thing I think it's missing is the ability to make hillsides, as everything is on a flat plane, but other than that, no complaints at all!

(I totally abandoned Balatro for it, lol whoops. I do want to go back to that at some point, though, as I was on the verge of getting the hang of the black deck on basic stakes).

Oh, and I bought the cat a radiator bed to use, as I thought she would like it but, to no-one's surprise, she will not even investigate it. (I suspected this would happen, which is why I haven't bought her one before now, but hey ho. At least I guess I know I was right?)

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*Nothing exciting, I just want my earlobes done a third time. I had considered a helix piercing, but decided against it for now.

I had my tattoos done yesterday, and I (and my tattoo artist) was surprised by how much the one on my right forearm hurt. It is not supposed to do that! I said it hurt more than the one on my back, which is across my spine*, and the one on my left wrist, also on bone, didn't really hurt, either.

But I did tell her that my body doesn't work like it should, so I'm sort of not surprised my pain responses are messed up.

I'm going to need a minor touch-up on the right one, but I'm giving it a few days to heal up/see if it annoys me (it's really tiny, so IDK if you'd even notice it ordinarily).

But anyway, now they are done, and it feels kind of weird! But a good weird. I like good weird.

Also I got to watch approximately half of The Two Towers while I was there, which was the first time I've seen any of them since mum died. But also it kind of proves I should be able to watch them without dissolving into a puddle of tears. So I might do that sometime soon!



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*Which is one of the worst places to get a tattoo, pain-wise.

I totally freaked my mum out by telling her there's an actor I have a crush on who is thirty years older than me (but he's the only one I won't admit to having a crush on, so she's none the wiser as to who he is). I then managed it again by telling her that he wasn't even the oldest guy I've had a crush on (the oldest is the same age she is).

(I don't even know why she reacted the way she did (honestly I thought she was going to spittake at me or something), because I know she's always liked older men so ??? she has no room to talk!)

I'm telling you this because I discovered the other day that Ciarán Hinds is about ten years older than I thought he was. (Though we share a birthday*, so it can't be all bad, right? ;) ) And, ultimately, the conclusion I have come to is that I am just into Really Old Men. Which I have to take as a sign that I am myself am actually old, definitely way older than I feel. (I once wrote a thing that I didn't believe at the time was true - which was that even though you age, you kind of mentally stick at one age and tend to feel like that unless reminded of it. I mean sometimes I joke about feeling old on twitter, but holy moly I have been feeling every single one of my thirty six years this past week. And then I mention this to mum**, and she's all, "Nahhh, you're not old, give it a rest," and I'm like, "BUT!"

(Dear mum, do you not know the internet is full of teenagers who think you're over the hill if you're 25+ ?)

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I've known for about six months or so now what I want my next tattoo to be, I just need to get the courage to actually, y'know, go into one of the shops in town and ask about prices. (I want a star with TEMET NOSCE underneath it). I also realised what I want for the third and fourth. The third was always going to be some sort of music, but I was paralysed with indecision as to what - I decided the other day that it'd probably be the first handful of bars of Danny Boy, since I've always liked that song (in spite of it being THE most depressing song on the planet). Actually, given what happened next, I'm sort of surprised that mum didn't ask me why not Land of my Fathers (the Welsh national anthem) instead. But she agreed with me!

Anyway, then today I also said I'd like a (small) Celtic knot somewhere. So she said, "why not a triskele?" and I said, because that wasn't what I wanted. She seemed somewhat put out by this, but it's my body it's going on???? As I said on twitter, I like triskeles enough, but not enough that I want to see it every time I get in the shower (assuming I have it somewhere I can see it, of course).

(I mean, admittedly I was thinking of something round, just not that).

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Two days in a row, I have woken up at 6:30 AM and today I've been awake since 5:30, and I feel like I can see through time now.

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*I discovered this back at the beginning of February, when I decided to look up famous people I shared a birthday with, since I was fed up of the only ones I could remember being Holly Johnson (of Frankie Goes to Hollywood fame), and Tom Hiddleston (with whom I also share my birth year). I obviously took zero note of the year it gave for Mr Hinds' birth, though it has be said that I've slept several times since I first read that list anyway. And I'm rubbish at maths.

**She's seventy, for reference.