all made up with nowhere to go

So I finally bit the bullet and bought myself some Loop earplugs. I've been whiffling about it for almost a year now, so I finally went and did it.

Unfortunately, I will probably not be able to use them for the specific reason I bought them (work) as, even though they say they should stay in place, I don't want to risk losing them or be told to take them out by my line manager*. But I can at least have them with me for noisy times that aren't work (e.g. social situations/commutes/shopping, etc).

I do find it kind of hilarious that, for someone who is as noisy as I am**, I am SO noise-sensitive, though (and I swear it's getting worse as I get older).

Anyway, I was hoping they'd arrive today, but apparently they're coming tomorrow, so I guess at least I will have the Easter weekend to get used to them?

*Because I work in an environment with food, there's a lot of restrictions on what we are/aren't allowed to wear. I also can't have my nails painted, because they might chip, and that Irks Me Greatly.

**I was frequently told by both parents to shut up/be quiet when I was a child, and friends when I was younger used to note how loud I was, for example.

~

I started playing a solo RPG called Over the Mountain. It is not one of the ones from that bundle I bought the other day, merely a free one I found while noodling around on itch some time later.

It is going to take me forever to finish, assuming I want to finish it. I'm unsure at the moment; every time I put it down, I'm like, ehhhhh, but when I pick it up again, I'm kind of interested. I suppose the world building I am having to do is grating on me a little - it should ease off once I've got all the elements in place, though. I'm not saying it's not a good game; I am just having issues with my writing abilities still.

(Though it is making me think about making zines again, which is good! Because I have yet to finish a single one I've thought of - I think this is where I have imposter syndrome, weirdly. I feel like my offerings aren't good enough and yet the entire point of a zine is that it doesn't need to be polished and shiny. It just needs to exist).

~

Finally, I originally typed out the entire lists for my itch collections, but given the TTRPG list is nearing 150 items at the time of writing, I thought it more pertinent to reduce it to links instead, and you can click on whatever you think may be interesting to you? (assuming you want to, that is)

link to my profile so you can see what I already own
Visual Novels
TTRPGS
TTRPG Resources
Unclassified
Interactive Fiction
Card Games
Game Resources
Point and Click Games
Video Game RPGS

Please let me know if any links are borked, as I am tired and in pain as I write this.

~

GOG.com wishlist:

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~

...And now I'm going to go and sit in bed because I'm tired and I deserve it.

I won't bore you with the details, but I had no internet for an entire day because my router went kaput! I didn't know that was a thing that really happened, given the previous one had been repeatedly knocked over by cats/me, and had been Really Old, and yet somehow kept on working.

Anyway, I rang my ISP customer service, and they said the problem was the router, and would send me a new one, free of charge! The lady I spoke to said it would be with me within two to three days, so I was anticipating a long three days.

It arrived while I was out of the house yesterday. I plugged everything in, and it all works, and we're all good again, yaaaaaay!

While my internet was out, however, I played some more FFV Advance, and I only have Exdeath/Neo Exdeath left to beat! I came really close to it last night - I managed to kill 3/4 of the parts, and got the fourth one so low it started doing desperation attacks (which suck ass, btw). And then I tried it again and failed miserably, so eh.

I think I may have to grind some job levels (*eye roll*). I already did an EXP grinding run to get Lenna to the same level as everyone else (41). I don't know if it helped much, and she always levels last.

I guess the thing to do next is finish up Diablo III, since I am similarly close to the end of that. I thought about playing Dark Souls II, after, because IDK I hate myself? ;) (Fandom will have you believe it is The Worst Souls Game EVER™ but we'll see).

Finally, IDK if anyone is interested, but yesterday afternoon/evening, I finally got around to watching Johnny and Wheels livestream playing The Thousand Year Old Vampire, which is a solo RPG, but can be played as a communal game (which is sort of what they did here - they did the writing, and threw open decisions to the livestream chat). Part two is here.

I can only think the reason I didn't watch it live was because Luke was streaming Demon's Souls at the time, and it's taken me this long to catch up on it again because reasons??? (Probably me forgetting I wanted to watch it and it not coming up in my yt recs, I should think).

I'm proper getting into the idea of solo RPGs, which I didn't know were a thing that existed until Dicebreaker mentioned them. There's a few I want to play (I specifically want to play The Machine and then pass it on to my friend Chris, but I think both of us are going to need to not be in a bad mindset before playing it, because it isn't cheerful). I don't know that I want to play The Thousand Year Old Vampire (esp if it's as depressing as the prompts make out. Though teenage me would've eaten it up because ANGST). But it's nice to know there are options out there for someone who can't or doesn't want to play with other people.

As usual, I have no idea how to end this post, so I'm just going to stop here and hit "post".

I think I only have a couple of new followers, but since I haven't written an about in about two years, I figured it was time for an updated one.

# My name is Jae. I am just past my mid-thirties, which makes me Ancient on The Internet™ ;)

# I like calling people "dude" and "man", and referring to groups of people as guys. This does not mean I think you are all men. It means I like you. If you would prefer that I did not do this, please let me know, and I will not do it!

# Also please let me know if I say something that you find offensive or tactless, because I can be quite thoughtless when I say things sometimes, so I'd appreciate being told so I don't do it again.

( Read more... )

# If you're wondering why I haven't granted you access, it's because I don't really lock anything, so it would be pointless.

# Places you can find me other than here: rootsandbones | my art blog | my website | my redbubble shop | I've also got an empty etsy store (though planning to sell paintings there eventually!), an instagram account that I fail to update frequently, a last.fm account, an ask.fm/curious cat account that rarely gets used, and I think that's it!

# I think this is pretty much everything, although if there's anything you would like to know, feel free to ask!

~

*I REALLY feel like this is showing my age, but I guess I'm coming up to that sort of period in my life now????

**Default Fantasy Settings™ are not my cup of tea, which is why I've always been lukewarm where D&D is concerned.

I tried watching the first video for Critical Role and...the average length of a video is HOW LONG? Also my computer crashing repeatedly didn't help (thx flash plugin) but I just kind of found it boring? I mean I get there are funny/interesting/whatever bits later on but I can't be arsed, man.

(I saw a funny bit last night which, despite my initial resistance made me wonder if perhaps I should Check This Thing Out).

And it just made me think that if I'm going to watch people playing D&D, I'm going to want it to be people I'm playing it with. Although given the choice, if I were going to play an RPG, it wouldn't be D&D. Because I dislike it anyway (and no, I don't dislike it because it's "for nerds"*. I am a STEAMING GREAT NERD. I dislike it because, as I mentioned a while back (I think), it runs on "default fantasy setting" and that's boring as heck to me.

"But Jae!" you cry. "You watch Game of Thrones and play the Final Fantasy games!"

Yes, but. I watch GoT because I have crushes on three of the actors and I like the costume design. Also I want Arya to kick arse. But that's as far as it goes. As for the FF games, I'm sort of playing for the point of completion by this point. And my faves are the ones that aren't out and out fantasy (although none of them have been straight up fantasy as defined by a Westerner anyway).

The fantasy books I read are ones that aren't set in a generic Tolkien-esque world. At this point in my life, I'm not even sure how I got through Lord of the Rings in the first place.

I honestly think my problem is like that of werewolves versus vampires, which I was bemoaning earlier on twitter. It's over-saturation.

Also I kind of now get the people who don't understand people who watch let's plays. I love LPs. I actually really enjoy watching people play vidya offline (though since I haven't done it in years, I imagine I would be the worst kind of backseat player these days). I don't find watching other people RP that engaging. I might give it another go another time, but it wasn't working out so well today.

(That...just kind of reminded me - the one time I played in a CCG (and failed MISERABLY! IT WAS GREAT!**) and then my one friend at the time started a game against another friend and I was watching them play while waiting to go home and. It was incredibly boring. Possibly because I didn't know the game, and I still don't really get how CCGs work but. Maybe it's that sort of thing?)

~

*I feel the need to disclaimer because apparently this is the only reason people dislike D&D.

**I lost every single round and I loved it! Some of the people I played against face-palmed a lot because I was so bad at it!

My phone is...not quite dead. It is, the internet leads me to believe, stuck in a booting loop. I've tried hard resetting, and that doesn't work. I tried leaving the battery, memory card, and SIM card out for an extended period of time - that didn't work either. The only option for fixing it looks scary and waaaaaaaaaay beyond me, so I guess it's a trip to the T-Mobile shop in Burnley to plead with them to help me.

Trust this to happen when I've sent the N96 away to generate extra cash.

I bought a Samsung because I remembered my last one being stable and reliable (and the N96 drove me bugnuts with its constant crashing. My bro told me about six months after getting the Samsung that I could've fixed the Nokia by flashing it. THANKS BRO). What I didn't remember until today is that I had some problem with that, and had to get it sent away to be fixed.

ARGLE BLARGLE.

I can't go on Monday, since I'm expecting a delivery then, so it will have to be Tuesday. So until then, I will not have a phone. So no texts, no constant twittering, no alerts when I get an email (the most frustrating, as I rely on that for a lot of things).

I half want them to say "Here is a bright and shiny new phone for you to use for the next six months of your contract!"

But they won't.

(I don't have a replacement at home *whines*)

I ended up being so angry (because ARGH NO PHONE) I couldn't even make myself play FFXIII (I KNOW!) so I downloaded the Bejewled 2 demo (going to spring for the full game. Eventually. I've got enough points) and played that for a while. The music is calming and terribly eighties, and I loved it (I love Match 3 games as a rule anyway. You don't know how happy I was that my Xbox came with Hexic HD preloaded. And the music is always vaguely eighties. LOVE IT. The Bejewled music is really Vangelis-esque).

(I did eventually play some FFXIII, and am currently using Vanille in my active team, and every time she's a medic, and she heals someone and says, "It's going to be OK!", I audibly squee. Goddamnit, I love Vanille. Hell, I love everybody in this game).

It's funny. All this time I've said there's no point in me having a mobile phone because I hardly use it. This one goes tits up, and I am bereft. I do not understand.

~*~

I want to spend forever reading RPG books. Partly because I've got two VtM sourcebooks I said I'd read so I can flail with dingsi about stuff (and it's totally unfair because he's looked at Innocents, so he knows some of what I'm flailing about at the moment). And partly because lassarina's posts about RPing have been pinging my brain a lot (uh, I went trawling through her tags after that meta the other day. Heh).

And I want to do something Changeling related. SOMEthing. I don't know what.

So many ideas, so little time. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH.

~*~

Something on tumblr just reminded me of this, and that's that: I love it when people draw fanart of characters in their own style, rather than trying to mimic the style of the original work.

I wish I could do that (I try too hard to mimic, believe it or not, because I'm afraid if I draw it in my style, it won't look like the character that it's meant to. Ridiculous, I know).

~*~

Time to go and plan more ridiculous fanart ideas that I will never ever do. \o/

I am now productively spending my afternoon reading about the World of Darkness (I was weaned on Vampire: The Masquerade, but I'll read about any of it 'cause it's all stuff I'm interested in. Although don't ask me about my feelings for Werewolf). It's an excuse to plunge through TV Tropes for all it's worth. I don't care. It's being a storm outside and that makes me feel like snuggling and doing something that isn't work.

I wish I could explain why I find it so damn interesting, but I can't. All I can do is wave my hands and go, "blah blah FEELINGS~", which isn't very helpful.

I don't talk about RPing because, in general, I don't do it. I've played in exactly one RPG in my life, and that was over the internet on a message board. However, I was at uni with a bunch of RPers. My two closest friends were RPers, as was the guy in my classes that I had a crush on. I genned a heck of a lot of characters, but I've never used any of them.

See, I generate characters to get a hang of the game system (I had it in my head one time that I'd be a GM, until I realised that I'd have to come up with plots (go on, ask me what my weakness is)). I'd be hanging out with Matt and Jamie, and they'd be talking about a game they'd got hold of, and I'd ask if they'd walk me through the gen process, which they kindly did (I think I made Jamie want to box my ears the day he showed me how the Shadowrun system worked).

But that was as far as I got. I was scared to death of having to interact with the RP Society at uni (even though it was made up of decent folks) - but that's what crippling social anxiety will do to you. And also because I was commuting to uni daily (an hour round trip, not including bus trips), rather than being on campus. I'm sure I could've stopped at someone's house so I could've gone to the RP sessions but, again, I didn't dare ask if that was OK.

As for playing a game with my friends? I didn't know anyone in real life who RPed or would even admit to it until I went to uni. I did attempt to get a friend from college into it (2005, which was the last time I played, and the last time I bought a source book). That ended in failure since she wanted to play in a time scale I wasn't interested in (Elizabethan times, because that was her pet thing). Also she moved to Wales which wasn't really helpful, either.

I hadn't originally bought the VtM core book to RP. I'd bought it because I thought I could use it as a system for telling stories - the fact that almost everything was determined by a roll of a dice was an added bonus - that way the story would be practically out of my control. But what's a roleplaying game other than telling a story? There's just more people in on it.

(While I'm writing this, I'm, uh, acquiring more source books, including the New WoD stuff. I blame this solely on White Wolf making their world SO. DAMN. INTERESTING. Even the reboot is interesting. Well, what I'm reading about Changeling is, anyway. Opinions subject to change).

(Protip: if someone calling himself "the blue man with willow-thistle arms" offers to solve your problems, don't take him up on it. Oh tropers, how I love thee - links to the Changeling: The Lost page).

So why am I writing this? Because at quarter to one this morning, I was digging out my VtM source books (everything but Kindred of the East, but that would've required me to contort in some impossible way to get it). I also got out the Werewolf book because, even though the majority annoys me, there are bits about it that I like (heh maybe I should check out new Werewolf?)

I happened upon it at an impressionable age. I hung out with some guys who knew what I was talking about. Like I said, I can't put my finger on exactly why I love it so much, all I know is that I do, and that I find the world so very interesting. I said to dingsi, in my last-but-one entry, that reading through the books again was akin to coming back to an old friend.

I don't know where I'm going to go from here with it. When I first used to generate characters, I concentrated on making them as miserable as I was which eventually became boring. I also used exclusively gen Malkavians because they got a dementation as part of their generation. Matt forced me to gen a Gangrel one time, and that was fun but I never did anything with that character. I have exactly one Tremere I genned, because I eventually thought using magic (or an approximation thereof) might be fun. I've also got a Slav Tzimisce I genned for the game that never went anywhere just because I thought Vissitude (sp?) sounded interesting (also I think I may have subconsciously wanted to creep out my co-player with it).

Now I want to make characters that are more fun to play. That are less like me. I probably won't ever use them in a game, but I like making people up. I might get some art of it. That would be nice. I feel like I'm not spending enough time drawing at the moment (which is crap, I know. Everything comes and goes in waves, and I'm painting right now anyway, so I shouldn't complain too hard).

Do I regret spending all afternoon reading about the World of Darkness? Not in the slightest.

Does this entry have a logical ending? Probably not.

~*~

(On a completely unrelated note, singing in French and reading (or typing) in English do not a good combo make).