all made up with nowhere to go

This morning at 8am, I decided to sort through (most of) my fabric stash! At least it was a quiet activity that did not disturb the neighbours.

There's two reasons I did this:

1. I noticed a lot of the material I would like to use was in the bottom of all the boxes I have in the front bedroom. This is inconvenient as I don't want to be slinging boxes around to get to stuff because I am lazy.

2. I have lots of partial offcuts of material that mum reclaimed from clothes she bought specifically for sewing/textile art. There's also some material with patterns on that I don't like, or that I don't like the feel of.

I did think about slinging the offcuts into a bag and taking them to work, since I currently have easy access to textile recycling. HOWEVER. I also thought about cutting them up into squares or strips, and selling them as fabric packs on my ko-fi (or elsewhere? Not Etsy, even though I technically still have a shop there). I have so much fabric, and so many needles. I've thought before about making little sewing packs, and I know they're a thing people buy. So this is not a new idea.

I might make up a couple and see if there's any interest.

Anyway, I found a lot of material I had forgotten about or didn't know I had, which is always nice. And some of it is in huge amounts because, as I may have mentioned before, mum used to make her own clothes/clothes for me when I was little. So there is some stuff she never got around to using (such is the way of all things).

I don't currently have any plans to make my own clothes (I would need a working sewing machine for starters), but it's nice to know the fabric is there for other things if I want it.

And, as I say, that's not even all of it. Some of it is downstairs because it's stuff I used for embroidery (or not), and the rest is upstairs, but I haven't got to sorting it yet because I haven't had a chance/the energy. But I will get to it eventually.

~

In other news, I watched Johnny play Return of the Obra Dinn, which I thought I would not like, but it turns out I love it? It is a mystery aboard a ship! How could I not? (It's waaaay more interesting than I made it sound, I promise).

They have said they will finish it off on stream, so I guess that's next Thursday afternoon/evening sorted for me already :D

~

The only other thing I have to say is that my mood is not so great again, although I think I'm currently flatlining at "constantly depressed" rather than "fairly good mood" which is irritating, but I suppose at least it's stable and I know how to deal with myself (mostly). I know why it is, and I think it's going to take a while to get better, but I know it will get better eventually.

~

Now it's time to go and get super lazy dinner and be mad it's too cold (15°C) to eat ice cream ;)

Bullet points because segues aren't for me!

# Please enjoy this screencap from the most recent Oxboxtra Jackbox stream, wherein one of the questions in questions in Quiplash asked what is better left to people under the age of 30, and both answers were knee-related. (link goes to reddit, as I was in the sub looking for something else that I didn't find).

(I feel these answers, in my very bones, as it were, as my knees have been shite since I was in my early twenties, I'd say. Which is when all my other joints started being shit, too, so I guess it makes sense?)

# I haven't had a headache or migraine for almost a week, I said, thereby jinxing it.

# I literally just this morning started listening to the What Is Music? Podcast, because twitter said "you followed this twitter, you might want to follow this one?" and saw that they had covered the Manics at some point (they're currently on Radiohead), so I was like. I am still hyperfixating, because apparently I am having a second adolescence in my early forties. I want to hear what these dudes said.

And I was a bit whiffly, because I didn't know if I would be able to listen to them (as I have noted in the past, I am very picky about voices), and I did not know if I would like what they had to say, but I was less than twenty five minutes into the first episode, and ~howling~ with laughter.

(Although the hosts are all ~ten years younger than me, and they have already all made me feel Very Old™ The guy who knows the most about the Manics (Adam) keeps asking the other two if they've heard of people in the British 90s music scene and I know who they are, and the lads don't and christ on a bike I feel so old).

Anyway, long story short, I'm having a good time! Also it's nice to listen to a podcast about a subject I already know about.

Okay so it turns out that my current hyperfixation is the Manics. I mean, they are always a fixation, because they are one of my favourite bands, but they are definitely what's giving me the dopamine right now.

So last week, I listened to all the albums I own, which isn't difficult, because I only have the first four, as noted previously. And I skipped The Holy Bible because oooof*. (I did not skip the depressing tracks on Everything Must Go, though).

And then I was like, "I am old enough now that I should give the stuff I automatically dismissed as a youth a chance!" and I spent the remainder of my birthday money buying second-hand copies of every single album they've released since.

Dear friends, there are ten of them. TEN.

I knew all the titles but, somehow, had not added that up to ten in my brain.

Anyway, they're all on their way, except for The Ultra Vivid Lament, which was the only one I found new, but it was dirt cheap for some reason (it's only two years old!)

I am also not going to deny that I also did this in part because I want to hear the stuff that Nicky wrote about Richey. There's not a lot, but I want to hear it.

And then I have also been through some of the stuff I hoarded about them in said youth, and now I am rereading Everything (A Book About The Manic Street Preachers) by Simon Price, and finding it really easy going. Although. There's nothing in this book I don't know as I've already read it/I know the story anyway. So that's probably why I'm finding it so easy to get through. Also it's hitting the dopamine, because this is all I want at the moment.

Well, this and my comfort blanket story that I have been passionately writing since the approximate age of fourteen. The two things go hand in hand, because this story is some of the most self-indulgent id scratching stuff I ever wrote, and I'm not even going to pretend it's anything but that (and why should I).

I mean, like, if you looked at the entire thing, in all its versions, and you knew me really really well, you would immediately be able to see what I mean. And especially if you knew anything about the Manics at all because, ngl, took quite a bit of inspo from them, and I'm not even sorry about it.

So I've been thinking about it while I've had idle moments at work, because mostly I think about writing these days instead of actually doing it.

The story is about one person, but it's told from someone else's perspective, and that's how it's always been, ever since the early days. But. I was thinking about it and then I wondered why it couldn't actually be from the main character's perspective. There's absolutely nothing that says it can't, although I know to some degree why I never considered it before (found it too difficult; main character has some of my more unpleasant personality traits).

And I did some noodling about, and then yesterday I wrote three A4 sides from the main character's POV, and I think we're getting somewhere. (Well, his and his best friend's, because I considered that he also has an important role to play in the story). I'm also going to change the ending so it's more optimistic, and likely change the name of at least one of the characters because I'm not sure it works for her any more (I don't know that it ever did, tbh).

This is the first fiction I've written in five years.

Okay yeah, it isn't anything new, but that's not the point. The point is, I wrote something, I enjoyed it, and I'm probably going to do it again. I'm going to keep going till I get bored with it/distracted by something else.

I also thought about posting some snippets on here for y'all to see, though I am not writing with this intent. I mentioned just over a year ago, about just writing vignettes because that's how my brain works, and if I do any I like, I might share them here. Don't hold your breath, though, because I am making absolutely no promises.

~

*That said, I put it in the stereo in order to listen to This is Yesterday "properly" (i.e. not on my phone), and almost ended up listening to the first half of it just because I was trying to identify which guitar riff I'd had stuck in my head several days previously. But then I didn't because, well, it's The Holy Bible. It's not a good time.

World of Final Fantasy finally arrived on Saturday and, not for the first time, the game box got busted in the delivery*. It was also almost a week late, in spite of the label saying 48 hour delivery but ehhhhh, it's here now. (Turns out I could have just picked up a copy in Burnley's CEX, as I saw one yesterday when I was in there, but I didn't know that as I wasn't looking for it last time!)

The gameplay is Pokemon, but make it Final Fantasy. Which I don't have a problem with, but it wasn't what I was expecting. I don't know what I was expecting. Do like my turn based combat, though, sighs happily, and I notice it works a little like the combat in FFX in that you can see who will act next, and that the turn order can be visibly affected.

Anyway, I'm about five to six hours in/in chapter six (maybe), and I see the chapters are like the FFXV chapters - i.e. short and seemingly pointless to divide the game up this way, imo. I think whoever at Squeenix has a boner for dividing games up this way needs to stop. It is nice to be able to say that you're in chapter wherever, rather than trying to come up with a non-spoilery way to say where you are, but when they don't even do a good job of dividing the story or make any narrative sense, then nahhhhhh. This has bothered me since they started doing it in FFXIII, where the divisions make about as much sense as they do here, so it's not like it's a new niggle**.

I also saw a second hand copy of the royal edition of FFXV for £5 in Game yesterday, and I wavered for exactly five minutes on whether to buy it or not. I did not, because I know I'm never going to play FFXV again. That feels mean, but right now, nope. Maybe in the future when I've forgotten exactly how mad I am at the whole thing, but definitely not right now.

~

I am not drawing much at the moment, so ofc I spent some of my birthday money on pens and paper!

I'd wanted to get another Uni Pin in the 08 size, since I have been enjoying what a chonker of a pen it is. I went in TK Maxx to look at rucksacks (they were woefully terrible, but that's part of the problem - you never know what's going to be in there), but I thought I'd have a look at their stationery section because, well, I'm me.

And they had a 12 pen set of Uni Pin pens, which is something I've been coveting since forever ago. It was £12.99, and I was sure they did them cheaper in The Range, and I was going there anyway. TL;DR version: got the exact same set in The Range for £9.99, which is less than a quid a pen! It also has two 08s in it! And two 05s, which is not a size of technical pen that I am anywhere near running out of just yet, but okay. (And also two 02s, which is great, since I've also been loving the smaller sized tips as well recently).

And I bought a set of Faber Castell mixed media pads, as they've been selling a set of an A3 pad, an A4 one, and an A5 for £8, and that was what I went there to buy. Even though I am not drawing much, and I have lots of fancy paper already.

I've also been playing with my 6.0mm Pilot Parallel pen and having a ball with it, and I don't know why I didn't do this sooner! Although it has lit up my lettering obsession again, because it's the perfect pen to learn Blackletter with (recommended by lots of people online!) and, well, ya'll know what my weasel brain is like. I'm just going to roll with it, and not worry too much about it all.

~

*I sold Remember Me to CEX the other week, and I almost thought they were going to refuse to take it because part of the box was busted but, my dude, that is how the box came to me! Anyway it was fine, and I got like, £1 for it, so I'm not going to complain.

**Although I guess it works when your party is split and you're swapping from one group to the other. But that's about it.

Some things, in the form of a list:

# My missing cat litter delivery turned up, over a week late. I just. W T F, Evri.

# I dug out my crappy cheapo sewing machine, after repeatedly looking for it in all the wrong places (it turned out to be in the cupboard under the stairs, which makes sense, since it used to be in the kitchen). I did this because I wanted to try sewing on paper, and I know this machine works. I also just want to try some free motion stuff in general, and one day I can always upgrade to a better machine if I have the money.

(I have two vintage machines, which belonged to my mum and grandma. I can't get either of them to work, even though the electric one that was my mum's allegedly does).

I did some hand stitching on card, and it's nice and chill, and I like the effect, but having to prick holes in everything before I start is a bit of a PITA (although then I can snuggle up and sew a bunch of them at once). There are some pics on my twitter, if you want to take a look.

# I got distracted yesterday by a quilt I am making! It's just sewn together out of strips of scraps, and I started it last winter, but then haven't had any scraps to add to it till just recently. So I thought why the heck not?

Again, I'm sewing it by hand, because I didn't think to use the machine at the time I started it and, honestly, I prefer doing it this way, even if it takes longer. It doesn't feel like it does, but yeah, it's not as quick as zipping it through a machine.

It is...I would probably make a much more experienced quilter cry if they saw this. It is very haphazard, but I don't care. I'm having fun making it.

I'm going to back it with several layers of old sheets instead of wadding (I don't have enough to hand, and I'm not buying any new. I'm trying to use stuff I have!), and then I'm just going to do a grid pattern for the actual quilty bit.

(I always got put off quilting when I was younger because it looked like it took too much effort, but that's because, at the time, I'd only encountered English Paper Piecing and omg what a faff (imo). I mean, my mum made some nice stuff with it, but it's just not for me).

# I think this is everything for now, but I will probably think of other stuff after I've switched the computer off because, you know, that's always the way, isn't it.

The physio appt felt a bit useless - he didn't ask me or do anything I haven't already been asked or had done to me before. He says he can't see an issue with the joints in my legs, and thinks they're all strong and work okay. Which is news to me, but whatever. I happened to not be hurting at the time I saw him, so it sort of felt like I was wasting his time.

Oh well.

~

I've been watching a bunch of videos of someone following an art challenge, and it's been making me think again about making things to sell to people who do art/creative journalling. Which is a thing that has crossed my mind from time to time for nigh on three years now. But I've never done it because I don't know if anyone will want to buy my things, and the best place to sell them would be Etsy, and I straight up cannot afford the fees.

But. I started watching a channel called Teal and Tattered Journals and she started a series about a year ago called Craft Therapy, where she journals with no purpose other than to just make stuff for herself. She mentions in the first video of this series that her therapist asks if she makes anything just for her, to which the answer was no, and that was how this came about.

And it got me thinking.

While there is stuff that I make that you folks don't see, there is a lot that I make that I specifically think about to sell. Although it is in less quantities than it used to be when I was self-employed, and now I wait to see how people react to stuff before I make decisions about it. BUT. It still happens. I suppose it is a relative of the content ghost, as I mentioned in that post when I wrote it. (Disclaimer: the content ghost is not my idea, it belongs to someone else).

Anyway, I watched the first of the Craft Therapy videos and I thought, "You know what? I am going to treat all this gluing and sticking like book binding, and I'm only going to do it for me!"

(I mean, I do want to sell handmade books, but also I like making them and not having the pressure of having to sell them when I'm done. It is very relieving, let me tell you!)

So yeah, basically the lesson I learnt yesterday while under the influence of a migraine was that I need to make more stuff for no reason. Not like I don't have the time right now, right? (Also I likely will share any good results on the sketchblog, because I do like sharing things with y'all!)

~

I did my last big shop update of the year! If you want to order anything from there for Xmas, I suggest doing it now so it gets to you in time!

There will be a smaller update before the end of the year, because I still need to put up the collages I made a couple of months ago, but I haven't decided on a price for them yet. But they should be up before the end of the year, with any luck, and I will let you know when that is!

It was my nephew's tenth birthday the other day, and honestly w t f where have those last ten years gone?

~

Anyway, the rest of this entry is going to be about music!

First of all, so as I am sure y'all are aware, Youtube does this thing where after a set amount of time, it will tell you that you have not watched videos you have watched. I'm sure it has something to do with data protection, but it gets frustrating when I know I've seen something, but I don't particularly want to watch it again.

However, it told me I hadn't seen either of Outside Xtra's list videos about times video game music blew their minds. I have. The first one was posted mere days after my birthday in 2019, so it felt like a weird birthday present at the time, even though it absolutely wasn't. So I decided to watch them again.

Now. I don't know if you know this, but I absolutely love music. If you do, apologies for repeating myself.

So while I was watching these two lists, I compiled a list of my own of stuff I liked that I wanted to listen to RIGHT THEN.

And then. Well, then, my friends, I somehow, four hours later, ended up with a list of my own of stuff I liked from video games I liked/had played/etc. It is a very long list. There are fifty, if not sixty plus tracks on there. I decided that I would like to share it with y'all. I just need to type it up.

I'm going to post it as a free to all post on ko-fi. There will be no links to anything, so you'll have to go and look up the tracks yourselves (although chances are for at least some of them, you will probably already be familiar with). But I love music and I wanted to share!

(Also: not gonna lie about thinking about future lists - this one is Random Shit I Like, but future ones might be Chill Stuff or Creepy Stuff, or whatever else I can think of. And also not necessarily game music).

And then the other thing is that two years ago (approximately), I bought myself a new stereo. It has a USB input, to which you can slot in a memory stick full of music, and it will play it. (It will also play MP3 CDs, but I must admit I haven't actually tried that out yet. I should!)

And I had a 16Gb memory stick lying around that I had bought to save screencaps from my PS4 on. Except it never got used. So I filled it full of music, and sometimes I plug it into the stereo, and I listen to music and I am happy.

(I'm also still trying to get back into the groove of being able to use a stereo again, which I know sounds daft, but it is a thing).

And then yesterday, when I was loading some more music onto it, I realised that hey, if I can plug it into the stereo and listen to stuff, I can also plug it into the laptop and listen to stuff! GENIUS! And thus, that is what I did this morning, and it has been glorious. Although I am after an alternative music program than Windows Music Player (as always). I downloaded one called Musicbee, which I've never heard of, but thought I would give a go!

~

In news I thought I would never say: because it's ~a year since I played FFXV, I am feeling weirdly nostalgic about it, and I don't know why!

(Last night I watched a Eurogamer video where Ian and Aoife were playing the FFXV VR fishing game (?!) that came out in 2017, and at one point where Ian mentions something about plot in this game, Aoife says, "well, there wasn't much in the main game," and it kind of pleased me that she acknowledged that. I mean, IDK how she feels about the entire game these days, but basically I'm glad I'm not the only one irritated by this).

I spent most of Friday and also yesterday catching up on Oxboxtra's racing games videos/streams that I'd (somehow) missed, and I regret nothing. I really enjoyed it. Racing games are, like, one of my favourite things. I don't know how or why, but they are.

I must admit that, while catching up on this stream of Gran Turismo 7, every time either Luke or Mike mentioned PP, I did do a little bit of an internal snigger, because I am a twelve year old boy. I assume, as someone else suspected in the chat, that it stands for Power Points, but the game does not tell you this as far as I know. GT5 certainly doesn't (more on that in a minute).

I am unsure how I missed this stream in the first place, as it was on a day when I wasn't working, and I'd enjoyed this Show of the Weekend, in which Mike decided he was going to teach Luke to drive properly in GT7, because Reasons*, which had been uploaded mere days before. No, I did not just sit and rewatch this, oh no, not me. I probably thought I'd catch it later and then just. didn't, for whatever reason.

ANYWAY.

So although I own some racing games myself, most of them are PSX/2 vintage. But when I was given the PS3, it came with a copy of Gran Turismo 5, and a very scratched copy of Grid Autosport. Anyway, I thought I'd try GT5, and it's okay? I had to wait 45 minutes for updates, and then half an hour for it to install to disk (allegedly to reduce loading times, but I'm not seeing a massive difference, tbh. But also it is a 12 year old game installed to an HDD, soooo, yeah...)

I am going to have to remap the buttons so I can drive properly, however - accelerate and brake are mapped to x and square, which means I do what I used to in racing games all the time, which is have accelerate always on, which isn't good!** I actually like the way driving works in Saints Row the Third, which is that accelerate and brake are mapped to R2 and L2 respectively, meaning I learnt to drive "properly" in that, because I wasn't always hammering accelerate. So that's what I'll do. And then I might remap the gear shifts to x and square instead. I've been using automatic transmission cars, so it hasn't been an issue so far, but it will be eventually!

(I'm glad remapping buttons is a thing that exists now, even if I've never done it before, which I haven't. I talk about it, but for some reason I never have).

This doesn't mean I've ditched Ni no Kuni, btw. I've just temporarily been distracted by this other thing! Also it got it got me through a two day migraine that I think was caused by the multivitamins I started taking. Which is annoying, because now I have nearly two months' worth left that I can't do anything with. BUT ANYWAY.

~

I don't have anything else to say, as the migraine took up the majority of my brain space over the last two days, and I haven't done anything remotely interesting since my last post!

~

*It's not completely out of the blue - Mike got Jane into F1 via Drive to Survive, but I don't think her interest goes any deeper than that, whereas Luke has shown WAY more interest in what's going on in F1/cars in general.

**Also I kind of want to do some of the driving licences properly, which teenage me is screaming about, because I never learnt to play games properly, least of all racing ones.

Ok, so. I live in the middle of nowheresville, UK. Yesterday, the temperature in my village peaked at 36°C (~97°F).

It started to drop off pretty swiftly after that (although it was mid to high twenties at 9PM, which is still ludicrous), thanks to a cold front making its way downtown across the country.

I dread to think what it would have been like had I been in a city, or even a big town.

I was able to keep at least the living room pretty cool - yesterday at max temps, it was ~12°* cooler in here thanks to keeping the curtains drawn for the majority of the day, which I had also done on the previous two days. I kept the front facing bedroom curtains drawn the entire time, and I don't know if that helped or not as I don't have a thermometer up there.

I was kind of more worried about Jazz than me. She seemed to be fine, but I gave her extra brushing, since she has really dense fur, and apparently it helps to keep cats cooler because it gets the loose undercoat fur out. I also put ice in all her water bowls, and stroked her with damp flannel from time to time (she let me do it, but I don't think she was into it). She's chirpier today, now it's cooler (a whopping 17°C as I write this!), which makes sense, and also you would be, especially if you had to live in a fur coat all the time.

Also: sleeping with a damp whatever on you is genius! I only wet a flannel, but omg it was amazing.

I have a fan that one of the volunteers from work gave me, but I haven't used it yet. I might do just to clear some of the fug upstairs because it feels horrible up there. I'm glad I'm in a house and not a flat**.

I mostly listened to music on my tablet, or watched Youtube, and did some work on future prints for my shop. This isn't much different from what I usually do, but it also meant I didn't have to move much, or have extra electrics on which would generate heat - my only permanently switched on things are the fridge/freezer and the router, and this is true all year round.

So I survived, but I wish I didn't have to word it like that, and I wish I hadn't had to experience it. Temps in the UK are only supposed to be mid twenties, max (although I'd argue with that, and say it should be low twenties). I want to say I hope it doesn't happen again, but I know it will. I've been watching videos from the weather forecasters saying this isn't going to be a one off. Which. Yeah. Great. Looking forward to that [/sarcasm]

I don't know how to end this part, but I thought y'all might at least like to know I'm okay (I wasn't sure I would be), and that I'm still here.

~

In happier news, Ellen from Outside Xtra streamed Stray, which is that cat game everyone's been going bananas about.

I really liked it, apart from the bits that upset me (but as I am feeling wonky rn, not really a surprise. Also it's a cat). ( SPOILERS! )

And she's going to stream more of it! \o/

~

*I don't know exactly, as what I have in the living room is a "weather station", but the weather predictions are never accurate, and it was a free gift my mum got with something nearly ten years ago, so it won't be amazing quality. But it was WAY cooler and less humid in than out, and that's really all that matters.

**My dad used to live in a third floor flat, and it was bad enough being in there in normal summers, never mind freak ones like this.

Okay, so, things I did that weren't leaving my job:

# I watched a longplay of RE2, because I was apparently in the mood for it. I watched a Claire A/Leon B, and was frustrated that, while there are playlists of Leon A/Claire B, there doesn't seem to be a hecking chonky video like there is for the other route :(

Before you ask, no, I will not be watching the remake. Ever. I prefer my zombies low-res, thanks.

# I also watched a longplay of RE3 yesterday (also not the remake), although I'm not sure of how much of it I took in, thanks to mush brain.

# I tried watching a longplay of the Darkside Chronicles and had to give up because a) it was first person, so I felt a bit motion sick, and b) I dunno, it just wasn't really working for me. I couldn't even get to the Police Station to see if they'd redone the music and if they'd ruined the Front Hall (which is my fave off the soundtrack).

# I watched my new favourite streamer play Bugsnax! I didn't watch Ellen when she played it for Oxtra, because I didn't think I'd like it (I have issues with food, so I thought it might be a vague problem). But I started watching, on the proviso I could switch it off if I wanted, and I actually kind of enjoyed it!

# I watched this video by Cat Graffam, about why she quit using Instagram. Usually I don't watch these sorts of videos, unless it's an artist I care about (I've heard of her, but never seen her work before now), but this one was really informative about the ways Instagram works against artists/creative people.

# I found the perfect screen from Oblivion to describe me (image linked says "You don't have enough coffee").

# I also went a wee bit overboard making banners for my membership tiers on ko-fi.
Nothing is live yet*, but it is a thing I am working on! In case you are interested!

*basic memberships from £1 a month are, but you don't (currently) get anything for it, except a warm glow (not guaranteed).

# and that's pretty much everything for the time being!