all made up with nowhere to go

Urgh, I've just had a horrible two days. I'm not going into details because I just want to get past it. Anyway, I had to go and visit a family friend yesterday, as I did a favour for her (and got paid for it! Even though I told her no, I didn't want paying), and when I came back, I had a nap, and that kind of fixed me! I mean, I don't feel amazing, but I didn't feel like I wanted to cry at the drop of a hat any more, so that's good.

I'm trying to be sensible for the moment, and I've put the money aside to go towards my National Insurance contributions for the last six months. You know, instead of spending it on something I want. Because I am an adult and I can be responsible! (Which, honestly, I don't often feel like that).

~*~

Actually thinking about taking out a Netflix subscription. Not that I can afford it, but eh.

It kind of makes me laugh, actually, since when they were showing ads when Netflix became available in the UK, I was all, "Nah, I don't want it. I don't need it. Why would I want it?" and since then...yeah...

~*~

I have no desire to finish P4. It's been ages since I played it last and...nah. Can't be bothered. Part of it's down to the fact that, while I like it because it's a Megaten, and also a murder mystery (to some extent), I don't like the majority of the characters, and that includes ones I did like four years ago (so pretty much I only like Kanji and wow, really, that's it. I feel like I should feel awful, but I really don't. I knew I didn't like the majority of the characters four years ago, and that hasn't changed).

Random stuff:

~ You know, I get the awareness for mental health thing, and I appreciate it, but I wish TPTB would implement it in different ways. Also I realised the other day that the BBC are being incredibly ancivilious(sp?) about it.

I know some anvils need to be dropped (thank you, TVTropes), but there are better ways to go about it.

~ Bio-Oil. I've never used it, and I have no intention of ever doing so. But I mean, god forbid a woman goes out of the house looking anything less than perfect (and it is a woman - always - I suppose men don't get stretch marks* and they look all manly with scars**, amirite?) I dislike my stretch marks*** and I'm not proud of my scars, but fuck it. People aren't perfect. Those scars I dislike are there to remind me not to be stupid.

UGH I JUST. I DON'T EVEN. It makes me so angry.

~ I want all Mass Effect all the time. Although currently only the first game because I (currently) don't like what little I played of the second one.

~ Doing some major working out for a painting. This has been hampered, however, by not being able to find and buy a big enough canvas. I probably have one in my room, but it probably already has something painted on it. I'd intended to start laying down the many layers of background while I was working out the main parts in coloured pencil this weekend but, uh, not so much with that.

It's like the universe either a) doesn't want me to make art or b) wants me to recycle. I'm not going to argue with the second, but the thought of painting over a painting, even if it didn't work, fills me with horror.

Even painting over that one cutting-and-sticking that obviously didn't work. *shakes tiny fists of rage and indecision*

~ I have been playing ilomilo a lot recently. I mean, I like puzzle games, but this is an adorable puzzle game. With awesome music. The story is sad, and mysterious, until you get the whole thing. But I like that kind of thing (it's always about the angst. Except for when it isn't. Like Mass Effect. I suspect the angst is part of the reason I am putting off ME2, aside from that I don't like it).

~ I should probably go to sleep. And maybe dream of distant parts of the universe c:

~*~

*Except I'm pretty sure they do.

**Even if they were self-inflicted, like the majority of mine.

***Anyone who's ever had the misfortune of seeing my thighs or the back of my knees can testify to this - apparently it's because my muscles grew faster than my skin did. Yes, my legs are weird-looking.

Winter should not be this cold! (Although to be fair, while it's still around zero degrees C/vague minuses, now that feels warm, and that is WRONG).

I have come to the conclusion that everywhere needs underfloor heating. Especially the train station because I nearly lost the use of my toes on Weds morning (OK, slight exaggeration, but I couldn't feel my toes after being at the train station for five minutes, and then they took ages to warm up again once I got to work. I am a champion whinger, I know).

~*~

Mostly got the Xmas presents sorted out, just got to wrap them (and sort the one out) that's it.

Also quick word to anyone I promised a card to - they're on their way, but eh postal backlog. As long as you get them before the 6th of Jan, that's OK, eh? c:

~*~

Cheap decent graphics tab has not arrived, but eh postal backlog (also it got dispatched earlier than expected (by A LOT) so I should not bitch about it really). I just thought it would be cool to play with it while I am on holiday from work (have I mentioned my bosses are awesome? Because they are).

My old one still works if I hold it funny, but that makes my hand hurt and that doesn't lead to fun times.

~*~

Still trying to think what to name my reblog blog on tumblr. Good lord, I hate making decisions (and also all the good ones I've thought of recently I actually want to call either art books or collections of pictures. So. Eh).

~*~

I am so tired, so now I'mma go to sleep.

I had about a million things I was going to post about earlier. However that all went out of my head in favour of making a Hellblazer comm (it says right now it's under construction, but I really can't think what else to do with it, so I may go ahead and open it later in the week).

~*~

I totally slept for about four hours this afternoon (although I feel kind of justified, since my brain decided I could manage on six hours sleep last night).

~*~

Sometimes I wish I were more of a dedicated writer or artist. In that I didn't sleep all the time, had more energy, was more productive. Even that I offered commissions (I kind of do, in that I'll do them, but I don't offer to do them the way everyone else and his mother does because a) I am lazy, b) I tend to get art block when I "have" to do something, c) did I mention I was lazy?)

On the other hand, I keep having this idea about trying to combine everything I absolutely love into one story. So far this would include Ancient Egyptians, time travel, (so far, so good), aliens, ghosts, stuff it paranormal stuff in general, and some other stuff. I don't even know any more.

Maybe that's what I should spend tomorrow doing?

This section of this post brought to you by ursulav saying November ought to occasionally be National Novel Finishing Month (to which I totes agree because I have at least eight story ideas that are nowhere near finished).