all made up with nowhere to go

# so the UK is on actual lockdown as of last night. It's supposed to last three weeks, but could be longer. I guess we'll see.

# vaguely irritated by a tweet I saw that told me (not me personally) the reason my eczema was being aggravated was because I wasn't drying my hands properly. It's actually been better since I've not been at work, and I suspect less alcohol gel + less stress. Because some of it is stress related, because why not! I get, like, two different types of eczema, which is lovely!

# I spent some of yesterday watching Mike and Luke from the Oxbox team streaming House Flipper and Animal Crossing: New Horizons. I did not feel like I wasted four hours in the slightest.

(I had no idea what House Flipper was going into it, but it was weirdly soothing watching Mike play it? He said he'd picked that game on purpose for that reason, and I was all, "okay, but what if you're wrong?" But he wasn't!)

Mike Flips Some Houses

Luke plays AC:NH part one
Luke plays AC:NH part two
[edit] Luke plays AC:NH part three (and Ellen comes to visit!) [/edit]

I'm also going to include the Two Point Hospital streams, as I've really been enjoying those, too, and Mike winding up Andy by placing his rooms really badly is...it's A Thing.

Mike plays Two Point Hospital (and winds up Andy)
Jane plays Two Point Hospital 1
Jane plays Two Point Hospital 2, feat an actual riot amongst the patients
Jane plays Two Point Hospital 3, feat some ghosts and Frankenstein's Monsters!
[edit] Jane plays Two Point Hospital 4, this time with a surgical ward! [/edit]

Jane might be streaming more Two Point Hospital today (I think?), so I'll add that to the list if she does! [eta] She did indeed play some more, so I've linked that and Luke's latest Animal Crossing stream above. [/eta]

Also there's all the Hitman Let's Plays/streams, which I've also been enjoying lately, but maybe stay away from the Patient Zero ones? (Those were the ones I watched last of all (apart from one other), so evidently I cursed the Earth. I apologise. I know not what I did).

This week, I have been mostly ill!

I did my last day of work for the year on the 23rd, and I don't go back until the 3rd of January. I was already feeling a bit wonky due to not a lot of sleep, and then, as is customary, I got sick on Boxing Day! \o/

(Me and mum ended up, years ago, saying that it wasn't really Xmas unless we were both ill, so...happy Xmas to me, I guess!)

The weirdest part is that I don't actually feel that ill, but I must be, because two nights in a row now I've slept over ten hours, and my sinuses feel gross. Additionally, I went to Burnley to spend Xmas money and felt fine while I was out, but then not great again the next day. And I have been having ALL THE FEVER DREAMS! Twice I dreamt about Hitman, because I've been watching the Outside Xbox team play it, and last night I dreamt about the end of the most recent Star Wars film, wherein Rey, Kylo Ren, and Yoda's force ghost went for pizza. I am pretty sure this is not how the actual film ends.

~

I went up to my brother and sister in law's for Xmas day, and they fed me. They had also invited friends over, which was a change from last year. My bad tooth started giving me aggro while I was eating, though, so that was fun! (I did really want to eat all the food I'd been given but it was a battle).

After my nephew went to bed, my sister in law started making one of the not-Lego sets he'd been given (I think she does this so she can help him out if needed), and I helped her find the pieces, and I had fun! I think making a Lego set is like doing a jigsaw puzzle, in that it's a bit of a challenge, but it's also kind of soothing, and it's an accomplishment when you get it right.

I didn't get any physical presents - I was given Tesco vouchers, and I gave them money. I went to Tesco the day after Boxing Day to find vidya and pokemon plushes, but didn't find either (well, I did find vidya, but there was nothing I wanted immediately). I discovered that Tesco sells sterling silver jewellery and it's really nice/not expensive, so I might go back and get some, IF I can decide what I want.

What I did end up buying was: two notebooks that were on sale; two sets of Zebra metallic gel pens; a set of postcards (also on sale); some iridescent nail stickers; some iridescent fake tattoos; a pencil case with stars on (also sale); and a new bathmat, because I'm actually a boring adult ;)

I have a plan for the one notebook. I decided a bit back that I would make more of an effort in the coming year to write coherently about games. So this notebook is for that, in that I'm going to make notes in it, and probably draft out posts in it, too.

(I mean, not that I needed a new notebook for that, I have plenty of notebooks already that I could've used, but at least I bought it with a purpose in mind? Unlike the other one which I just got because it was in the sale and had a fox on the front of it).

Anyway, I managed to spend bang on twenty quid which, as the cashier who served me pointed out, I couldn't have done if I'd tried. (I really couldn't; I did try keeping track of how much everything cost, but between my brain being mush, and being overwhelmed in general, it didn't happen).

I also bought some cheap Xmas chocolate, and the first Witcher book, but that was not with my vouchers.

I went to the doctor yesterday for my pain problems, and it turns out we may have a solution! (kind of)

It was a doctor I've not seen before, but I didn't feel like she was dismissive with me, which was nice. She says she thinks I may have something called Sacroiliac Joint Dysfuntion, which is basically that the lowest part of my spine moves around more than it should, and that's what's causing the pain.

She's prescribed me some painkillers (Naproxen), and referred me for physio. She said it could take three months for me to get an appointment, but it might be sooner than that depending on the waiting lists.

So. That was good!

(I almost cancelled the appointment the same day I made it because I wasn't feeling too bad, and then I felt like a fraud (as you do), but ultimately decided to go because I've put up with this for long enough. Also I was in agony on Tuesday with it for whatever reasons, and I can't be like that. I don't want to be like that again, it was awful).

~

I started a cross stitch the other day, but I'm keeping it a secret in case I rage quit it. I had to restart it three times because I kept mucking it up, and then I've had pull out and restart two different sections because I was using the wrong colours (partly down to the size of the image I was working from initially - I resized it and printed out bigger).

~

I started writing The Thing about Tidus and ugh, god, my writing skills are rusty (also I feel like I don't have a lot to expand on, so this is either going to be short or non-existent). It's sort of a practice run for something I've been thinking about doing for a few months now, but haven't got round to doing (because my brain is still being weird about everything because it turns out this is how I deal with grief, apparently. I've been wanting to paint for literal months now, and still haven't for the same reasons. I know I'll get over it eventually, but it's frustrating in the meantime).

~

Talking of FFX (sort of), it took me a few goes to beat Yunalesca, even with Zombieproof armour. Because, it turns out, she casts Mega Death more than once! Neither my guide nor the internet mention this!

Thank the frogs for Mega Phoenixes, is all I can say, and also that sidequest to get all the fiends off the Calm Lands, because then you get the exact amount of items you need to customise one (1) Deathproof armour. Which I stupidly did for Auron, because I was like, "he has the most HP, he will be the most difficult to heal", and then the Mega Phoenix kills him as it revives the others, because he's been zombified. If I'd been smart (I am not), I would've customised an armour with Zombie- and Deathproof on the one item, but I don't think I had anything with enough slots for him, sighs.

And then! An hour of fighting Sin! (It might not have been that long, but it felt like it, especially because I didn't think to use Armour Break for 2/3 times so that Wakka could, IDK, do some damage). I don't know if it's possible to Game Over during those fights, but ugh that's a slog I'm glad I only had to do once.

Now I am Inside Sin, and I think the next thing is the final Seymour Fight? I can't remember offhand (it's been five years since I last played and probably about twelve since I even got to this point).

I might go straight on to X-2 after this, since it's on the same disc, and it saves messing about with the HDMI cable (I really ought to invest in a splitter and at least one more cable. I do have a spare cable, but it's 5 metres long, and trying to stuff all that behind the TV would make the situation back there worse. So I need a shorter one). Anyway, I haven't really decided yet.

ETA: I keep thinking I ought to try beating Lightning Returns, and then I will have beaten all of the FFXIII trilogy, but I honestly do not know if my right thumb can take it. I like LR, I do not necessarily like the fight mechanics. (This ETA brought to you by fucking_meds and people talking about arthritis). [/edit]

# I think I'm going to have to go back to the dentist, because I've been in pain with my teeth for...well, it's a long time, probably longer than I should've left it. I don't want to go, especially if all he's going to do is tell me it's a nerve flare up (which is what it feels like), but I suppose I should in case it's something more serious.

# As I write this, the cat is sunbathing on the blanket I put on the sofa for her back in November. The sun doesn't shine directly in the house in December and January, but I thought she might have liked to lounge about on it, as she seems to like the blanket on my bed (they're both pure wool, so nice and warm). Spoilers: she didn't, for whatever reason. But now it's okay because the sun's on it.

# I am two-thirds? of the way through watching Kingdom Hearts 2. I remember getting this far in-game (the video is at the Pride Land; I got to the Demyx fight in Hollow Bastion, and then ragequit). The whole thing with Organisation XIII doesn't seem to make much sense right now, but I think it will once I get to 358/2 Days. Which is a while away, because I'm watching in release order, and next up is Re:Coded (I think?)

# I have rejigged the FFXII liveblog entries so the new one should be linked to the most recent older one now \o/

# it is my birthday on Saturday and I will be Extremely Old by internet standards. For the record, I do not feel Extremely Old (which is a good thing?) I don't know what I will do for the day, but apparently my in-laws are taking me out to eat in the evening!

# I don't know how to end this, so I'm just going to stop here.

I was going to restart the FFXII liveblog, but I've got a couple of things to write about instead.

1. After last week's fiasco with...everything...I have had intermittent wisdom tooth pain pretty much all this week, especially at night. It's been bad enough to keep me awake, and one night I actually had to get up and get painkillers before I attempted sleep again.

So, of course, that was fun(!)

I am thirty fucking seven. I should not be having aggro from my wisdom teeth! (Although it's keeping up a tradition, I guess, as my other two were painful/removed the year my dad died, so! Also yes, that only adds up to three. The fourth one is sideways (because me), and will never erupt, thankfully).

2. One of my work colleagues is watching Buffy for the first time ever, and wanted someone to talk to about it. It was hilarious, she was all like, "did you ever watch Buffy?" and I replied, "did I ever? OH MY!"

I'm really excited on her behalf, because I can't imagine what it feels like to watch it and not know what happens.

Anyway, the upshot is that some stuff I am hazy on, esp since I've only seen S5/6/7 once, when they aired, so I bought the entire lot on DVD, second hand. I am not expecting it to arrive before Xmas (since the last date post will be delivered is today), but I guess you never know?????

(we've had normal post, but sometimes parcels/bulky stuff comes later. I'm trying not to get too hype about it, and failing miserably).

3. I wrote the horrible letters and then watched doodle videos, which turned out to be productive re: my artnesses. So I got something positive out of something negative, which is good, I guess?

4. How about that question meme for January? I like doing this, and I think I've accrued a few new followers since last time?

- You don't have to be following me or ever have commented to request a topic.
- If you're doing the meme, I'll leave topics for you, too! Feel free to link me at any time if you want one.
- Feel free to just leave a topic and no date. I'll fill it in.

( dates/questions here )

5. Five things make a post, but I have no number five :(

Next post will hopefully be the liveblog!

# A week last Thursday, I went to pay off the last of the money owed to the funeral directors, and also I was able to pick up mum's ashes while I was there. I don't know where to put them, so since then they've been sitting on a side table in the living room. I will move them eventually.

# It was my nephew's birthday last weekend, and he is now SIX! SIX! When did that happen! He seemed to have a good day, and he always seemed happy enough when I spoke to him, so I really hope he did.

# I went to the doctor about my yucky joints, and said I had arthritis. When I said it was probably osteoarthritis, she countered with, "but that's an old person disease." Which. Yes, but also my family gets arthritis early (both my mum and gran did, so I'm not hopeful, and most of my joints have been shit for years). Anyway, she's referred me for some blood tests on Monday, which are going to check for infection markers, but also markers for rheumatoid arthritis. So I guess we'll just have to see how it goes.

# I went on an impromptu shopping trip yesterday. It was mostly for boring things like cat food and socks, but it was also to get a t-shirt with glow in the dark skelly bones on! I'm actually wearing it today, so I will try to get a picture later on. I'm really glad I've got it, although I probably shouldn't have bought it because I need to save my money for things like heating and rent. And food.

# A couple of days ago, I finished the main quest in Oblivion! *strikes that from the list of games*

I am mainly "meh" about it, though the plot feels more coherent than Skyrim's (which feels like someone went, "hey you know what's cool? DRAGONS!" I mean, they're not wrong, but also yeah). I am narked that not more is made of the Dragonborn thing (apart from a thing that happens in the finale, which I won't mention because spoilers). I got a good scare in one of the dungeons, because it features zombies, and I didn't know what was coming. You can hear them attacking and eating other monsters! And they shuffle about when they don't know you're there, but as soon as you attack, they come running for you and oh jeebus that was unfun. I don't ever want to do that dungeon again, but I did feel that particularly worked for me.

Then again, I've had a spell for the entire game that forces the undead to run away for up to 25 seconds. And I forgot to use it versus both those zombies, and a dungeon full of vampires. So I suppose this is typical me-playing-a-vidya, huh?

Now I'm replaying Saints Row the Third for a bit, because I miss driving around a fictional city.

# OH AND! I did drawing for three days a in row after not doing any for two months. Which had upset me a lot, because I like making art. I actually considered giving up altogether, because I was feeling so negative about the whole thing. But I am trying not to! I only didn't do anything yesterday, because I decided to make brownies after I got in from my shopping trip (as you do) so then all of me was like, whoa, nelly, sit the heck down. So I did.

But yeah, you may recall I mentioned painting some time ago? Actually going to make a legit attempt to get back into that now I have the time and the space. Kind of nervous about it, weirdly, but at least I don't have to show anyone the results if I don't like them.

Wahoo, I remembered to internet for once! I mean, I have ulterior motives other than "check my inbox, check DW", or "buy stuff", but here I am!

I had a nurse appointment for some mood stuff, but it turns out it is all hormonal, and she can't really help, apart from stuff which has been of no help in the past. So it's down to vitamins and supplements. Which feels unhelpful, but I guess there's not a lot she can do, since my body seems to be such a picky fucker with what it will and won't accept as helpful.

UUGGGHHHH.

~

I'm going to dye my hair again, likely green, as I know it can take that, and there are no decent purple dyes within my grasp.

(Except the Stargazer ones, which I've used one of before, but the pictures on their website aren't especially helpful??? Also for the price they charge for postage, I might as well pay bus fare and get something else. I've been eyeing a range that Superdrug/Boots have that's waaaay cheaper than Swartzkopf. Though I've been using them for years and I know they work well. I will just have to investigate further!)

~

(Maybe if I whine enough about my crush on the internet, something might happen in real life. I mean, that's how it works, isn't it?)

~

I have almost finished one of the DK weight scarves I started the other day. I am incredibly pleased. I guess I should finish the sock weight one after this...

OH FRIDAY YOU SAUSAGE WAFFLE YOU.

( it was not a good day, mostly )

So that was Friday! (on the plus side I guess I walked 5K and did 8,000+ steps, so yay?)

~

I promised myself that I would write today, as I came up with an AU idea for my magical girl story, and I actually really like it. And then I was thinking about visual references for said story (as I'd still like to do this as a webcomic, and I have a clear-ish idea of how places look, but no references). I told myself that I did not need to go on Pinterest to make boards for this.

Except that I went on Pinterest at 10am and didn't manage to wrangle myself off till 4pm!

I like Pinterest, I really do. I think it works really well at collating Stuff. What I don't like, is when you pin something, and it has the pop up saying, "OH THIS WAS ALSO ON THIS INTERESTING BOARD YOU MIGHT LIKE TO LOOK AT!"

and I go, "yes, yes I might!" *right click > open in new tab*

and suddenly I have fifty tabs open and none of my boards are anything like I intended when I went on there, and I have five new ones for no apparent reason.

I do kind of wish it had a folder system, though, so I could have all my craft stuff in one folder, and my writing ideas in another, for example. And THEN have them divided by board. That would be nifty.

One thing the Pinterest binge did confirm for me is how disinterested I am in medieval-inspired fantasy worlds. It's one reason I tend to avoid WRPGs (and don't want to play D&D, for example**), and why I'll probably never actually read Icey Firey Songs properly. (Also yes, yes, I know I just played Skyrim, and I like Dragon Age, but I'm not head over heels about either of them, and part of that is the settings and their inspirations). I think a part of it is over-saturation to some degree.

At the time of writing/posting, I have done no fiction writing, other than copying traits out of an astrology book, for my characters, and gawping at how none of them are a "typical" anything (For example, Mara, my MC, is a Libran, but actually better fits the description for Aries. Cassie, one of her friends, is nothing like the descriptors for Aries, though I don't know what sign would better fit her. Maybe Pisces). That said, it did give me some ideas, though, so I suppose it wasn't time wasted.

Although apparently every single sign of the zodiac is manipulative as heck so that's nice. I don't know if the author of this book has a chip on their shoulder, but it certainly reads that way.

Anyway, I'm not changing my characters' randomly designated birth dates just because they don't agree with some stuff in a book. (I used a random number generator to determine their dates of birth, because otherwise I get biased about what dates I assign people's birthdays to). At least it gives me some kind of idea what sort of flaws to give them (I'm not great at assigning traits in general, even less so with flaws).

If you're interested, my boards are here, and the ones I added today were: concept art, mages, mage world inspiration, desert world inspiration, people in armour, interesting faces, and happy things. I didn't need most of those. I needed the mages, and the mage world inspiration, and that was supposed to be it.

~

*I know there's a word for this in The Meaning of Liff, and it's been driving me mad trying to remember what it is. I know it's not Bradford, because those are the leather patches on the elbows of jackets. BRAIN WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME.

**Apart from that one weirdy setting that is a desert planet, I think? Because that sounds cool as heck.

***ETA: Apparently one cubic centimetre of water weighs one gram, so I was carrying around four to five kilos on my back. That's a lot, right?

I went and had an eye test today. I was actually shitting myself about it. Not because I thought that they were going to say there was hundreds of things wrong with my eyes (there aren't, thankfully), but because I suspected I needed new glasses (as I mentioned a couple of months ago), and I thought it was going to cost horrendous amounts of money.

( Read more... )

Anyway, I should have the new glasses in about two weeks. They are much the same as the old ones, because I am old and curmudgeonly and I don't like change. Also I didn't really see any others I particularly liked (and, you know, picking frames when you can't see what the heck you're looking at is pretty difficult. The one dude who wasn't my optician suggested maybe coming back with a friend and I was like, "ha, offline friends are you kidding, what the hell are they" winky smiley face. Except I didn't actually say that because, as hard as I find making decisions, I'd rather make them for myself than have to live with someone else's).

~

I'm considering getting a couple of tattoos on my wrists which, if you have the misfortune to follow me on twitter, that's what I was muttering about re: pens. Because I was writing on myself to see if I'd get bored with what it said there. And I've got so used it that it feels weird when it's gone.
(It's thirteen words in my own writing, but not my own words. Because reasons. Though I am sure you can probably guess them).

I can't get them done straight away anyway (although I really want to because I've been jonesing for another tattoo for years now). Partly because the guy who did my last tattoo closed his shop a while back because he kept getting broken into, so I will have to go elsewhere. I have not found an elsewhere, yet, besides anything else.

Also I swore I wasn't going to get any more bony bits of me done, because I can still remember, seven years on, how it felt every time my spine was crossed when I got this one done (it's between my shoulder blades). Except my problem is that I'm ninety percent bony*, and I want these two on the backs of my wrists and...yeah...

~

ALSO OH HEY. You know how I did that voice post back last March? I've been thinking of doing others since, but haven't got round to doing them because of getting embarrassed. WELL STUFF THAT.

One I've thought of is making a list of random questions, and then getting you guys to pick numbers or something, and then I'll answer them. The other one is post I reblogged on tumblr that amused me. I may do dramatic readings of some of my teenage scribblings because they're that horrendous. Also I want to record of couple of my decently written poems because they're NOT horrendous.

Yes, this is kind of related to all that mumbling I did about podcasting. Because I still think about that and I JUST DON'T KNOW.

~

*I am not tall (I'm 5'4"), but boy do I know how it feels to feel like you're all arms and legs. Probably a good job I didn't get any taller, really. Also, you know, you ask anyone who I've ever dug my elbow or my arse bones into. Whether by accident or on purpose. I think my elbows have actual corners.

Two things:

1. I had a blood test recently, and it turns out I'm really anaemic, which is fun! Though apparently my iron levels are better than they were a year ago, but not by much.

So I am sitting here munching pumpkin seeds, and hoping that helps a bit.

2. I beat FFXIII-2 earlier! I was literally at the end of the game anyway, so it wasn't that difficult. I was expecting the boss fights to be more difficult, but I'd been following my game guide, so was way more levelled than I might have been had I not been using it. Anyway, they were pretty much a breeze, except for the final final one, which has three bosses (you know, because one is not enough), and that took me two goes. But only because I wasn't really paying attention the first time (though that fight is really gimmicky).

( spoilers! )

Now to play Lightning Returns, I guess! (I think the mechanics of the game are going to drive me loopy, but I'm in it for the costumes, man).

Now if you'll excuse me, I am off to chew on Tony Stark.