the dark, sacred night

I am now productively spending my afternoon reading about the World of Darkness (I was weaned on Vampire: The Masquerade, but I'll read about any of it 'cause it's all stuff I'm interested in. Although don't ask me about my feelings for Werewolf). It's an excuse to plunge through TV Tropes for all it's worth. I don't care. It's being a storm outside and that makes me feel like snuggling and doing something that isn't work.

I wish I could explain why I find it so damn interesting, but I can't. All I can do is wave my hands and go, "blah blah FEELINGS~", which isn't very helpful.

I don't talk about RPing because, in general, I don't do it. I've played in exactly one RPG in my life, and that was over the internet on a message board. However, I was at uni with a bunch of RPers. My two closest friends were RPers, as was the guy in my classes that I had a crush on. I genned a heck of a lot of characters, but I've never used any of them.

See, I generate characters to get a hang of the game system (I had it in my head one time that I'd be a GM, until I realised that I'd have to come up with plots (go on, ask me what my weakness is)). I'd be hanging out with Matt and Jamie, and they'd be talking about a game they'd got hold of, and I'd ask if they'd walk me through the gen process, which they kindly did (I think I made Jamie want to box my ears the day he showed me how the Shadowrun system worked).

But that was as far as I got. I was scared to death of having to interact with the RP Society at uni (even though it was made up of decent folks) - but that's what crippling social anxiety will do to you. And also because I was commuting to uni daily (an hour round trip, not including bus trips), rather than being on campus. I'm sure I could've stopped at someone's house so I could've gone to the RP sessions but, again, I didn't dare ask if that was OK.

As for playing a game with my friends? I didn't know anyone in real life who RPed or would even admit to it until I went to uni. I did attempt to get a friend from college into it (2005, which was the last time I played, and the last time I bought a source book). That ended in failure since she wanted to play in a time scale I wasn't interested in (Elizabethan times, because that was her pet thing). Also she moved to Wales which wasn't really helpful, either.

I hadn't originally bought the VtM core book to RP. I'd bought it because I thought I could use it as a system for telling stories - the fact that almost everything was determined by a roll of a dice was an added bonus - that way the story would be practically out of my control. But what's a roleplaying game other than telling a story? There's just more people in on it.

(While I'm writing this, I'm, uh, acquiring more source books, including the New WoD stuff. I blame this solely on White Wolf making their world SO. DAMN. INTERESTING. Even the reboot is interesting. Well, what I'm reading about Changeling is, anyway. Opinions subject to change).

(Protip: if someone calling himself "the blue man with willow-thistle arms" offers to solve your problems, don't take him up on it. Oh tropers, how I love thee - links to the Changeling: The Lost page).

So why am I writing this? Because at quarter to one this morning, I was digging out my VtM source books (everything but Kindred of the East, but that would've required me to contort in some impossible way to get it). I also got out the Werewolf book because, even though the majority annoys me, there are bits about it that I like (heh maybe I should check out new Werewolf?)

I happened upon it at an impressionable age. I hung out with some guys who knew what I was talking about. Like I said, I can't put my finger on exactly why I love it so much, all I know is that I do, and that I find the world so very interesting. I said to dingsi, in my last-but-one entry, that reading through the books again was akin to coming back to an old friend.

I don't know where I'm going to go from here with it. When I first used to generate characters, I concentrated on making them as miserable as I was which eventually became boring. I also used exclusively gen Malkavians because they got a dementation as part of their generation. Matt forced me to gen a Gangrel one time, and that was fun but I never did anything with that character. I have exactly one Tremere I genned, because I eventually thought using magic (or an approximation thereof) might be fun. I've also got a Slav Tzimisce I genned for the game that never went anywhere just because I thought Vissitude (sp?) sounded interesting (also I think I may have subconsciously wanted to creep out my co-player with it).

Now I want to make characters that are more fun to play. That are less like me. I probably won't ever use them in a game, but I like making people up. I might get some art of it. That would be nice. I feel like I'm not spending enough time drawing at the moment (which is crap, I know. Everything comes and goes in waves, and I'm painting right now anyway, so I shouldn't complain too hard).

Do I regret spending all afternoon reading about the World of Darkness? Not in the slightest.

Does this entry have a logical ending? Probably not.

~*~

(On a completely unrelated note, singing in French and reading (or typing) in English do not a good combo make).