whenever i touch your slow turning pain

Yesterday, I had to do an opening shift at work, and it was not a good time.

I set my alarm for half four, because I had to be in for seven, and I wanted to give myself a chance to wake up a bit first. Of course, I woke at four, didn't I.

And then it was fine and lovely, up until around eleven, when it suddenly got really fucking busy, and EVERYONE was stressed t f out. I was exhausted by the time I got home. I went to bed early (before 8pm) and slept through till almost six am.

And it got me thinking about something that's been on my mind since it happened. I had a job centre appointment last week with my old work coach. I forgot what an absolute tool she is. Anyway, she was mad at me because I won't look for full time work, because I know I can't cope with the stress of it. She said that the health assessment I had nearly two years ago said there's no reason I can't do full time work and, like. Yeah, they did say that. I did not appeal their decision, because I was very depressed at the time, so I couldn't be bothered to fight it.

But also, who knows more about how my body and mind function? Me? Or some rando who I've never spoken to before, who talked to me for an hour on the phone?

HMMMMMM I WONDER.

I wish she could see what I have to deal with. I bet she wouldn't be able to do it. It's all well and good to sit and pontificate about stuff when you're not the one who has to deal with it.

Anyway, I'm angry and tired, and this has no point. Hoping today is more chill, but I doubt it will be.