in which there is writing to be read

[muladhara]

An idea started inserting itself into my head yesterday, and so far I have no idea what it is about (except in REALLY nebulous terms), where it is going, or if it is any good, or if I will get past these bits I've been writing here and there.

Note: knitting garter stitch is reeeally good for letting your brain drift and come up with stuff. Most of what I've come up with has either been while stomping round town or, like here, while knitting nothing but acres of garter stitch (it's a scarf with an increase I keep trying to work the maths out for, and then telling myself off because fuck I hate maths and why do I need to know, but it just KEEPS GROWING. Also it's supposed to end up being 5"+ long WTF. I guess there is some more idea time coming up! Maybe).

~*~

Things to be noted:

1. this is hella unedited
2. it's cliched as all get out from where I'm sitting
3. There's two little excerpts, but they're all I'm willing to share right now (the first is context for the second, though both of them could use wider context, but I don't know what that is right now).

4. Comments, crits, whatevers are nice?

"If you falter for one second in battle, that will be the end of you, the end of your team. DO YOU UNDERSTAND? Because if that happens, that gives the enemy an opportunity to turn the tide, and you do not want that to happen. You make a mistake, and you are dead, and there is no coming back from that. If you are dead, you are of no use to me. We may be an advanced society, but we cannot cure death."

(The urge to repeat the capslocked "do you understand" at the end was REALLY strong and I suppose I could do it, but I don't know that I'd manage to get away with it?)

"Congratulations, now you're dead."

She lies there, staring up at him for a few moments with an angry look on her face.

"Get up and go, please." He doesn't even offer her his hand. "If you're that fucking useless in training, you're going to be as fucking useless, if not worse, on the battlefield. Go. I don't want to set eyes on you again."

"Fuck you," she says quietly as she sits up.

"Oh, I'm sorry, what was that?"

She gets to her feet. "I said, fuck you."

"Well done, you just bought yourself a one-way ticket home. Now get out of my sight."

She turns on her heel and walks away. She doesn't care if he means it or not.

Comments

[lassarina]

*chinprops* I like where this is going, though from the snippets I don't have much else to say.

I think the first paragraph has more punch without the repetition of "do you understand," though.

[muladhara]

Thanks :) I'm planning to start some longer bits soon (just character wrangling right now), including expanding the second snippet, because now I've got more of an idea of both characters (and they both have names now!)

Yeah, that's what I thought, in spite of my impulses.