all made up with nowhere to go

So I have just spent fifty quid on three second-hand games.

FFVII Remake, because listening to the soundtrack has given me a craving to play it, finally. I want to hear the music in situ! And also Bravely Default and Bravely the Second, because I want to play them and they were just there and...I dunno. I've got the money to get them, so why not.

I think I deserve them because of how flattened I have been by migraines and tooth pain this last week. (Thankfully, the tooth pain had nothing to do with the filling I had to have a couple of days ago, but ugh, I would prefer not to have it at all! The pain, that is. The filling was a necessary evil).

I think I'm going to have to go back to the doctor about the amitriptyline - but I've just refilled my prescription, so I'm going to see if it was an unfortunate combo of some other meds I'm on wearing off instead, before I go asking for my dosage to upped. I was able to fend off the migraines with painkillers earlier in the week, although today's is proving to be an absolute bastard. Luckily I'm not in work, so I can curl up in bed if needs be (and I am absolutely going to do that once I've finished typing this).

It's really a good job I didn't really have anything planned for today, because I just wouldn't have felt like doing it, and then I would have felt guilty about not doing it. I know I shouldn't, and I am better at being nice to myself, but sometimes habit gets the better of me.

Anyway! New games! I don't know if I will play them any time soon, but at least I will own them, should I want to!

Work is extremely Not Great at the moment, as I have mentioned previously. TL;DR version is that I ended up doing almost thirty two hours last week (WAY over my contracted hours) - and I've just done four days in a row, and they were all long shifts, and by close yesterday, I was so tired I swear I could have fallen asleep standing up.

I also know I was a bit asshole-ish with a couple of people, because the more exhausted I get, the less I care to maintain my filters, so people get shitty me. But I am aware I do it, so maybe (especially in this job?) I maintain them a little bit more than I have done previously? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
(though I did still want to punch the guy who said I was doing a great job in spite of the situation and although I'm sure he wasn't being patronising, I sure as heck felt like I was being patronised).

Anyway, I was already exhausted before all the *gestures at the situation* kicked off, and now I am more so. YAY. And I'm very sore, which sort of proves to me that at least some of my pain is a stress response, so I need to mention that to the doctor, when I eventually get an appointment.

~

In other news, I went to Burnley last week on one of my days off just for a "getting t f out of the house" trip, and ended up buying a bunch of stuff I didn't need (hands up who is surprised). And some stuff I did, like I finally got a rack and two small baking tins for my air fryer, so hopefully that will encourage me to use it a bit more, idk.

I also bought a scrapbook to use as a sketchbook, which is a terrible idea, but it is 30x30cm, and I sort of fancied a sketchbook in that size, so I'm going to see how annoying I find it without forking out as much money as it would have cost me. (Also I really like square sketchbooks? I don't know why but I do. And I have used books in the past that are not intended to be sketchbooks, so this is not a new turn of events).

And I went in CEX and bought Pillars of Eternity II and Stranger of Paradise. I picked that over FFVII Remake because, while I would rather play FFVII, I don't have a PS5 so I can play the rest of the parts. Stranger of Paradise is at least a standalone. I don't know how much it will make me want to punch myself in the face, but I am willing to give it a go.

Pillars of Eternity I know nothing about, apart from some of the soundtrack from the first game was used in Critical Role, and that's it.

I don't know when I will get to playing either game, as it's been ages since I wanted to switch on the PS4, and I just don't feel like I've had the energy to play games lately (for reasons stated above). But they'll still be there when I want them, though.

~

I don't think I've got anything else for the moment, and I've got counselling soon, so I shall end this entry here for now!

That feeling when you find a streamer you like who, for the most part, isn't terrible, but then constantly rags on lower difficulty settings for games as being "for babies" :|

I was watching said person play Everhood, and they went through the game on Hard, partly because that's the difficulty the game was based around, so you should be able to beat it on that. Which they did. But they also like going after all the achievements where possible, and Everhood has a bunch where you need to not get hit by the enemies you're fighting. So they did several on story mode, to get it done, and complained about it while doing so.

I suspect part of it was playing to their audience (some of the frequent watchers I see in the chat replay are...unpleasant, let's say), but also probably part of it wasn't. Which makes me sad, but I guess that's Gamers™, and I do realise that not everyone is like me.

To me, it really doesn't matter. If a game has difficulty settings, I pick it based on if I've played that game/genre before, and whether I want to have to think about shit or not. If you beat a game, it doesn't matter how you did it - if you set out to beat it, and you did, congrats!

Anyway, moaning about people complaining aside, Everhood is a game I will never EVER play, since its gameplay depends on quick reactions, and I'm not the greatest at that. But it has some interesting things going on story-wise, and the soundtrack is BANGING.

In other game news, Aoife streamed Inscryption for a bit, and that was aces (I don't know if she'll continue, though, and that's fine, but I'd love to see her reactions to the rest of it). And I also watched her and Ian stream some of Stranger of Paradise, which is out today!

I have no interest in it at all, and watching that stream did nothing to convince me I'd want to play it, either. It just looks like such a mess, and you shouldn't need THAT MUCH TEXT to explain everything! Also JFC your first boss fight should not be that hard or frustrating! Like, Aoife is no stranger to difficult games or bosses, but you could clearly see how irritated she was by it.

Apologies if you're looking forward to SoP, though! I hope you do enjoy it when you get to it, I just don't think it's for me. (Which is hilarious (by which I mean it isn't) since someone in the live chat said it's aimed at people who already like Final Fantasy a lot. I disagree).

And then, for me and video games, I've done with the nonsense that is the marks/hunts/Cie'th stones/whatever in FFXIII. I had a go at Attacus, and it's SO HARD to damage, and has 9 million HP????? I get it's part of that specific enemy type - the Wladislaus is also difficult for the same reasons. But after the Neochu and then that, I was fed up, and I was only really doing those quests until I decided to play something else anyway.

So I switched to Persona 5 Strikers, after thinking I'd broken my PS4, but it turns out I was actually very tired and pressing the wrong button repeatedly (it doesn't help, imo, that they're so tiny as well!) So it was yelling at me for pressing eject when there was nothing to eject, oops?

I...am not sure how I feel about Strikers, so far. I'm only around 10 or so hours in. I feel it overexplains some stuff that I already know, but then doesn't explain other things like, say, how to use spells outside of battle!

I liked everyone for the most part in P5, so having another game with them in is aces. Also it's another Megaten game, so obviously I'm not going to be unhappy about that. But I'm not sure I like the play style (musou is a genre I am not familiar with), but that's mainly because I'm not used to it.

More when I get to it, though I will try my best to keep spoilers behind a cut since it's only been out in English for a year.

~

In non-video game news:

# I think I'm growing a psoriasis patch on my right elbow. My dad had one, also on his elbow (but in a different place, and possibly the other elbow; I can't remember now), so I'm honestly not that surprised I may have one.

# I haven't read a book since November, but I am weirdly sort of okay with that.

# I discovered if I'm watching a youtube video on my new computer, it will stay awake so the video doesn't cut out! THAT'S SO COOL. (I am only used to my phone and tablet doing this; I've never had a computer that did it).

# I'm making some art to actually sell the originals of! They'll go up in my ko-fi shop, no promises when, and they obviously won't be cheap, but I will also be offering prints of them as well!

I bought and started taking glucosamine sulphate because I am sick of my joints hurting for what feels like most of the time. I don't know if it will help, but I thought I'd give it a try, as I can get tablets for relatively cheap, and see what happens.

I have thought over recent months that my joint problems are more tendon/ligament related than arthritis (though some of them defo are arthritis related, yaaaay), and that's what glucosamine is supposed to help with.

I did not expect the tablets to be the size of horse pills, however. You're supposed to take them with food, ideally, and I was feeling lazy when I had my tea last night and was all, "I can dry swallow this!", got one out of the bottle and then was like, "Ha, nope!"

I will go to the doctor eventually, but after being patronised last time I went wrt this problem (I saw a locum and she was Not Good), it kind of put me off. Also I don't know really what they can do for me, except prescribe me painkillers which may or may not work, depending on how my body is feeling at the time!

~

I have been watching a lot of Eurogamer/Oxboxtra Deathloop stuff lately! And also listening to the soundtrack, because it's awesome.

I had never heard of/had absolutely no interest in this game until I watched Ian's stream of it the other day, and now I am totally on board with it! I mean, it's like someone made this game based off things I like! Except for the fact that it's a first-person shooter, but I'll live with that as long as someone else is playing it.

I ended up spoiling myself for the plot, because I don't think anyone is going to do a full playthrough - Ian has been playing some on his personal channel, and I've been watching it, but I think he'll probably do like he did with Returnal, and leave out some of the bigger plot stuff. But I don't think spoiling myself worked out badly? Now I want to know even more than ever how stuff fits together! (I could probably find an LP somewhere, but I want to see what my favourite people on yt are doing first).

~

Here's some more of that Squeenix meme!

19. Is there any Square-Enix game that grew on you?

Oh for sure! Several of them, in fact!

FFXII is the easily the most memorable because, until I played that, I'd only played the turn-based games in the series, so I was unprepared for the live interaction with enemies. I didn't mind not having to wait for a fight to load, but I just. I prefer turn-based!

Also Nier, but that was because although I knew bullet hell games existed, it's not what I was expecting from this game. I don't know what I was expecting, but yeah, bullet hell wasn't it.

FFV! Like, I knew I liked it when I played the PSX version, but that version is just so bad, and the translation is awful (Salsa, anyone?). And then, this past year, I finally played the GBA version, and loved it! I think it was the first one I played with the job system, so that completely threw me for a loop as well.

20. Is there a Square-Enix game that's grown off of you? (i.e. you don't like it as much as you used to, for whatever reason)

Not really? I'm not as fannish about some of the games as I used to be, but I still like all the ones I like with the same level of intensity.

21. What Square-Enix series have you played? (even if you've not played the entire series)

Final Fantasy, obviously. Nier (one day I will play Automata for myself, but today is not that day). I played Dragon Quest VIII, but I didn't like it very much, and that's why I haven't played another one since (also unpopular opinion, but I don't like Akira Toriyama's art, so looking at it the entire time wasn't a fun experience for me).

EDIT: Also Kingdom Hearts, which I keep forgetting about, gdi! [/edit]

If we're talking Taito, then OBVIOUSLY Bust-A-Move!

And as for Eidos, as I mentioned previously, I've played OG Tomb Raider, and also one of the later ones, but I can't remember which (and I no longer own it so I can't check). I also have one of the more recent ones for my PS3 which I'll get to eventually.

Thought I could get a super early upgrade on my phone, but it turns out this is only the case if I renew my contract to be paying the same amount or more. Since I want to be paying significantly less, this will not be happening, boooooo.

Also I really don't know what phone I want. I'm looking at Oppo, since they have the best bargains contract-wise, but I don't know anything about them otherwise, so I don't know if they're good phones or not.

~

I put Monster Hunter: World into the PS4 as a break from NEO: TWEWY, and it downloaded me 46Gb of updates, which (only) took three hours, holy moly, and now I kind of feel obligated to play it? And to think I was worried about the size of all the FFXV updates!

(It's to include the updates that came with Iceborne, which I have no intention of playing, but here they are on my PS4 anyway).

I like exploring, and OF COURSE I like my Palico - that was the entire reason I wanted to play. I do not like that every mainline quest feels like a boss fight. I also do not like that, in a very similar manner to Dark Souls, the camera is your worst enemy. I think you can get it to lock, but I haven't discovered how, yet. Your second worst enemy is the monsters clipping right into the scenery, because apparently collision detection is not a thing (also nine times out of ten your Palico will clip into your legs if you stand still anywhere). And for about ten hours or so of the game, your worst enemy is also the Anjanth. Which is my next main quest, and I don't wanna do it! (Let's be real, I'm not really invested in this beyond my cat friend)

Anyway, when I was making my character, I tried making my Palico look like my previous cat Charlie, and it worked too freaking well, and then I got upset and teary, which is why I've now got a generic ginger instead. He's called Bean because I'm not very imaginative. I've called all my cats that I've had as an adult some variation of name+bean for extremely daft reasons.

Also I totally forgot that character levels aren't a thing in Capcom games, lol. I kind of like it, because it's different, but also it feels like there's no progression, because I don't have a visual representation of it. But that's a minor gripe, really.

~

Might as well do the next question on the meme since I'm here! (all questions here)

4. Do you have any Square-Enix related books? (e.g. artbooks, references, guides)

I have a book of Yoshitaka Amano's concept art for the first four Final Fantasies, which is called Dawn. I also have strategy guides for FFX, FFXIII, and XIII-2. And that's it, because books cost money! And are not easily accessible when you live in the middle of nowhere!

5. Do you collect any Square-Enix merchandise?

Yes? I have several action figures (Auron, Balthier, Gabranth, Ifrit, Gilgamesh, and Bahamut SIN); a Moogle plush; a Cactuar one; and also a tote bag that was made for Final Fantasy's 30th anniversary. The Moogle plush was from a convention in Milton Keynes in ~2008 (I squealed when I saw it), and the Cactuar plush and the bag were from the Squeenix store. Whereas the action figures were from various trips to Forbidden Planet in Manchester, if memory serves. Apart from Gabranth, who was one of the last birthday presents my dad ever bought me.

(Talking of imaginative names for things, the Moogle's name is Mog. The Cactuar doesn't even have one).

6. What's your favorite Square-Enix mascot character?

MOOGLES.

I mean, if you know anything about me, this is pretty obvious, right? What's not to love about a cat-bat-thing?

I like all versions of them, but I think my favourites are either the Crystal Chronicles ones, where they look like barrels (also Artemicion is stripy love!), or the FFXII version where they look more anthropomorphic and less cat-like.

A. I forgot about Young Americans and Pin Ups when I was listing which Bowie albums I'm missing, so that's eight in total I haven't got.

The next one I have to listen to is Station to Station, and I don't wanna!

B. I also forgot that I played OG FFVII in between The Zodiac Age and FFV Advance. So actually only the last two FFs I played/am playing were remakes. (Although I did play the VII remake demo so ??? maybe that counts??? ;) )

C. I'm sure there was something else, but I've forgotten it now, oh well.

So for a while now, I have needed to buy a new landline because the display on the old one is...not great now. I can't remember how long I've had this one, maybe five years or so? (It's a really old model, and I got it for mum from a discount store, so it were probably discontinued when we had it new anyway).

I know I could use it as phone without a display - it still functions like it's meant to - but I've got used to having caller display. I also have two corded handsets (this one is cordless), but again, they don't have displays, so I'd feel like I was going backwards technologically.

Anyway, long story short, I wiffled for a while about buying a new one, as obviously it costs money, and I am not rich. But I've bought one this morning, that is just a single handset - the old one is a pair, but I really don't need two handsets as I'm rarely upstairs anyway. I got it from Argos, and it was £20, and that's not too bad! (I did look in the same discount store a while back, but they seem to have stopped selling phones). And then I thought I'd look to see what cheap 3DS games they were selling, just for giggles, and now I have a copy of Yo-Kai Watch coming as well??? In my defence, it was only £1.50, I've thought about buying it before, and my nephew might like it even if I don't?

(I was going to buy one of the sequels as well for £3.50, but they were out of stock. Which in a way is good, because what if I didn't like the first one?? And I could have had one of the Monster Hunter 3DS games for cheap, except that was also out of stock, which again, probably a good thing, since I think Monster Hunter is like Dark Souls in that I would not enjoy it one bit).

And then, the best part is, it's all getting delivered this afternoon! Which is nice.

~

I've been watching Aoife and Johnny from Eurogamer play Bloodborne because reasons I am not entirely sure of. I don't even like Bloodborne! Aoife/the comments mentioned some of the lore, and I still have no idea W T F is going on!

Anyway, I also watched some of their Late to the Party videos (in which one of them plays a game they don't know), and I thought you also might be interested in some of them?

Aoife and Ian play Resident Evil 2 (original)

Ian and Johnny play Silent Hill

Aoife and Ian play Bloodborne

Aoife and Johnny play Final Fantasy VII

Aoife and Johnny play Final Fantasy X

~

I don't know what else to say, though no doubt I will remember stuff once I've switched the computer off, and I need to make some dinner, so I'm going to go and do that.

Okay, so I will be the first to put my hands up and say I didn't really believe the snow would be as bad as the weather forecasters were, uh, forecasting. But since there's about five cm of the stuff* gracing my front steps, I take it back.

See, the thing is that the forecasters like to over-exaggerate the snowfall. See also: Snowpocalypse a few weeks back (we got a light dusting and nothing more, but the way it was reported, you'd think it was going to be the end of the world). But that's, I think, because most of them seem to be from the south of England, where snow is not really an issue (particularly not if you're from London, or any other large city). So they said it would snow a lot, and I sneered, because their idea of a lot of snow in past years has been, like, a vague dusting.

And yet. Here is the snow.

And it's effing cold (for Britain, anyway).


*I know five cm is not a lot compared to how much some places in other countries get, but it's more than we've had in my village in recent years.

~

I have my new phone and it is...okay? It is much of a muchness with the old one, though it has a curved-at-the-sides screen, which is really nice (even if I do feel like I'll drag icons right off the phone). The screen itself is slightly smaller than my old one, but it looks sharper to me, and is easier to hold in my hand.

The only thing I don't like is that it only has one speaker, located on the actual bottom of the phone, for some reason. So music sounds super tinny, and that's annoying. Although I mostly listen to stuff on headphones anyway, so it's not really a massive problem.

I have all my mobile games set up on it now, apart from Animal Crossing. I just have to get the nerve to delete it off the old phone first (because it won't let you import a save if you're already logged in on another device *eyeroll*).

~

I'm definitely better rested with my new mattress and certainly less achy, which is amazing. I mean, I don't feel perfect, but I don't feel like I'm made of sludge any more (which I have done for years, but I thought it was just my age/circumstances/depression). Just a shame it won't fix my arthritis.

~

I want to play all the Final Fantasies. But let's be honest, when do I not? I'm going to see if I can at least make some progress with Tactics Advance In German™ (I've been playing it for a year and not beaten it, wtf. Good job I already beat it in English). I am going to restart and play and FINISH FFIII DS. I am also going to pony up and restart Four Heroes of Light, since I never beat it and, while I hate that it only has one save slot, I'd like to play it now I know how it works. (I've had it since it was new, and not played it in forever).

(And maybe one day I will restart and finish FFs II**, V**, VI**, VIII, and IX**)

**I have very almost finished most of these. In a lot of cases, there's save files sitting right at the final boss. But they will need restarting because you can bet your asses I am woefully underlevelled in all of them. IX is halfway through a replay, but I can't even remember when I touched it last.

# Considering forcing myself to write. After all, that's kind of what I did back in 2014 to get the sci-fi story off the ground, and I'm so fucking sick of feeling pangs of jealousy when people talk about how much they've written.

(I don't think I've ever nailed more than about 15K in a year, but it'd be nice? to be able to do that again).

I also need to stop thinking about themes and saying Stuff™ because I get too bogged down in it, when I should just be writing for the heck of it, which how I write best.

# I have downloaded both Dissidia Final Fantasy Opera Omnia (DFFOO/Opera Omnia from here on in) and Final Fantasy Brave Exvius. I had problems with data downloads on both games, but that was mainly down to our shitty internet, I think. (I wanted to smash our router after three goes at the FFBE data, which then decided to play nice while I play Opera Omnia, so IDEK???)

I haven't played enough of FFBE to know if I like it or not, but I think the battle mechanics (swiping different ways to access different things) are interesting. I don't like having to have random people join my battles, but IDK if there's a way to switch that off (probably not).

I like Opera Omnia! I keep squealing while playing it, and the drawn art is so cute I actually hecking can't with it (it's Nomura, isn't it? It certainly looks like his style). Also it amuses the heck out of me when someone says something in Japanese and I actually understand it (I'm not great at Japanese, but I seem to have retained what I do know).

# It was my birthday yesterday, and now I am Incredibly Ancient™ because I'm thirty seven and, as everybody on the internet knows, you are a dried up husk if you are over the age of thirty. I had a nice, chilled day, just sat in the sun playing vidya and stroking the cat. It was good.

# EDIT: forgot to mention that I fixed Pocket Camp all by myself! I talked to the animals who were "stuck" at the visiting points and then that seemed to solve whatever problem I was having. It's been running fine since then *touches wood* [/eta]

We had zero trick-or-treaters on Halloween, which was fine by me because I was in a stinking mood anyway, and I forgot to get any treats. I was actually going to bake biscuits like I did last year, but I somehow didn't manage that. Maybe it was last year's biscuits put them off? *shrugs* (I thought they were OK, but maybe the kids felt short-changed, I dunno). Anyway, ultimately I'm not bothered because it comes and goes like this anyway, and they didn't deserve the wrath of my bad mood.

~

This year is the first that I don't feel like I want to do NaNo! Usually I do, but I have no ideas. This year, I have an idea, but I don't want to do it. I would have done the Abominations story, had I still been working on that but man, that shit is so depressing (it really doesn't end well), and I'm not having a brilliant year, so really I don't want to touch it right now. That's why I put it to one side, for some later date.

(My current idea is something I want to flesh out for an eventual webcomic, but working on it is like pulling teeth. I suppose because, unlike the abomination story, I don't really have a solid idea of where it's going or even what the point is. It'll come to me, eventually).

~

At the moment, I am playing FFX because I wanted to play something I was familiar with, and also Auron. (I also wanted to hook the PS2 up to the living room TV because of having borrowed Breath of Fire from Sam, and also Waffles is currently playing Okami, and I love that game like cake).

I loaded up the game where I'm placing everyone on different paths around the sphere grid, and it's been so long that I have totally forgotten where I was supposed to be going (it's been FIVE YEARS since I beat X. So it's a few years at least since this as my old lj tells me four years ago I was doing the Yuna Solo run which I still haven't finished, and I started this one afterwards).

What I am doing so far is: swapping Yuna and Tidus, swapping Lulu and Wakka (Wakka is hideously terrible black mage, so I've heard, so this may make me lol a lot), putting Auron on Tidus' path (for speed reasons), and god knows what I'm doing with Kimahri. I put him on Rikku's path, but I just realised I always do that in normal gameplay. I should put Rikku on Auron's path for the hell of it, I think (and also a fair swap?? I might move Auron to her section of the grid once I get a friend sphere anyway because that will give him more speed).

While looking for gumpf about what the hell to do vis a vis switching paths (I couldn't find the exact thing within two pages of google, so I made my own mind up), I saw someone said they picked out which characters they'd use for a playthrough of X, and stick to those three all the way through. Which. I can't do that. I do it with XII because I don't like two of the characters, but I suddenly realised I like everyone in X (well, OK, I am mostly lukewarm about Tidus, but I don't actively dislike him the way I do Vaan, for example). So I just swap everyone in and out like you're supposed to (I love that mechanic to pieces).

(Now listening an Undub of FFX and omg Japanese voice cues (aka not surprised that Auron sounds like that). Also not keen on Wakka's original voice but eh. I'm used to his American one, I suppose...?)